Friday, May 28, 2010

ROBBLOG #75 W E E K E N D Edition

The old lady- who appeared a bit down on her luck, lays her few, inexpensive purchases on the counter in front of the cashier.
The cashier- a tall, slim, 40-something blonde, takes a deep breath and sighs heavily as she counts the items and rings them into the register. With a careless attitude, she says to the lady-
“That’ll be 5 dollars and 13 cents.” As she waits for payment, she sticks a lead pencil into the bun sitting slightly askew on the top of her upswept hairdo.

The old lady empties a small, leather change purse onto the counter and adds up the coins. She puts two pennies back into the purse and smiles up at the cashier.
“Will you be requiring bags today-“ she pauses- “Ma’am?” She stands waiting for the old lady’s answer, hands firmly planted on her hips.
“Golly, I guess I do. Two please”.
“That’ll be 10 cents” says the cashier looking down at the old woman’s change purse.
“10 cents?? I don’t have the whole 10 cents with me. Couldn’t you just let me have the bags today- this one time. I live a few blocks away and it would be difficult to carry all these things”- she motions to the items on the counter in front of her, “and use my cane too.” She shows the cashier the wooden cane, hooked over her left arm.
“Sorry. Rules are Rules. 10 cents or no bags. Now hurry up, you’re holding up the entire line!”

The lady looked to her left and saw only one other customer in the check-out line. The man standing next to her seemed oblivious to her dilemma since he was busy reading the ingredients on a can of spaghetti.
She turns back to the cashier and says-
“But I only have two pennies left. Can I give you these two pennies and bring the other eight cents in on another day?”
“Nope. Ya owe me eight cents more or you can’t have the bags!” The cashier makes a beckoning motion with her fingers.
“C’mon, pay up. I’m a busy woman.”

A strapping, young stock boy who had been lining up clay pots along a nearby shelf, approached the counter hoping to intercede on the old lady’s behalf.
“Oh, c’mon Miss Pennysave, give the old lady a break!”
Miss Pennysave leaned across the counter and pointed a long, slender finger in the lad’s face-
“Look here Sonny…”
“Uh, Johnny.”- the boy tells her.
She pauses for a brief second.
“Okay, look here...Johnny.” She pauses and half snarls at the lad, “You’re just a stock boy. No more. No less. Yes. You’re a pretty thing- I’ll give you that but the price for the two bags is still 10 cents. It ain’t free. It’s not easy making a living with the likes of her always trying to jip ya out of what you’re due.. Them’s the City’s rules. I don’t make them. The pay per bag regulation is a pain in the ass but what can I do about it? Nothing is free these days, so the old woman either pays up or she walks out that door”- she points and motions, “with all these things shoved up her shrivelled old lady ass for all I care.”

She stood upright once more with her left hand placed firmly on her hip while reaching up with the other hand and pulling the yellow pencil from her bun. She started to tap the pencil on the counter, looked at the old lady and shouted-
“I said hurray up!”
The veins in her neck were the size of the pencil in her hand!
“Now for pete’s sake Miss Pennysave, can’t you just make an exception for this one day?"
“Johnny. It’s Johnny!”- the lad yelled feeling a little agitated “Auntie Agnes says she’ll bring you the stupid eight cents next time, so just put her stuff in two bags and stop being such a ..”

He stopped himself short.

Miss Pennysave stops tapping the pencil and stands straight up, folding her arms against her flat chest she says in a happy tone-
“Oh, so you’re related. She’s your Auntie is she? Well,”- a slight pause. She looks at Johnny ever so sweetly. “…Johnny- is it?”
The boy nods yes.
Well, Johnny Dear you should have said. I’m sorry Auntie Agnes, I am sure this is quite embarrassing for you not having the dime…”
“It’s just 8 cents, Dear. That’s all.”- adds Auntie Agnes, waving the change purse containing the two pennies in Miss Pennysave’s face.
“ Yes, of course. Just the eight cents.”
“So,”- Johnny interrupts, “You’ll give her the two bags then Miss Pennysave?”

Miss Pennysave turns to Johnny, admiring the muscular chest straining through the tighty-whitey Tee Shirt.
“Two Bags? Just two bags?”
Johnny and Auntie Agnes nod at Miss Pennysave. They turn to smile at one another and then- in unison, turn back to Miss Pennysave. She looks them both square in the eyeballs and says defiantly-
“Why, not on your sad, little, pathetic, tear-filled, flea infested lives. What do you take me for- a pushover? Look Johnny, you’re a nicely built kid and I loves having you around- you know, you’re a Helluva nice piece of “eye candy”. It can get pretty boring for an executive gal of my intellect slapping these register keys all day but just because this sad vision of wrinkles and Depend Undergarments-”
She turns to Agnes- “I’m just guessing here.”

Agnes nods in agreement.

“…needs some help out of the poorhouse gutter she finds herself in, doesn’t mean I give a huge pile of horsepuckey. I am a business woman and if the city says I needs to charge you 10 bloody cents…”

“Now, Dear. Remember. It’s only eight cents. I have the two right here.”- She holds up the coin purse once again to remind Miss Pennysave.”
Miss Pennysave is speechless. She looks at the floor beneath her size 11 feet, shakes her bun-topped head and says-
“Whuck? “

At this moment the man reading the spaghetti can reaches into the pocket of his overcoat and says to Auntie Agnes-
“Here’s a quarter Honey. Keep the change!”
Agnes smiles and passes the quarter to Miss Pennysave.
Miss Pennysave throws Agnes’ items into two plastic bags, passes her the receipt and the 17 cents in change and says with the largest of smiles- “Thanks for shopping at Pennysave’s. Have a great day”.

Johnny flexes a big, beautiful bicep as he opens the door for Auntie Agnes.
"Thanks Dear. You take care of yourself, you hear Johnny. Say hello to your Mother for me, will you?”

Johnny smiles brilliantly and goes back to lining the shelves with more clay pots.