Monday, October 28, 2013


We were planning on taking the Go Train down to Toronto to see Les Miserables in Mid-November.
I looked at the schedule and there is no service on Saturdays. There was in the summer, however.
To get sports fans to the city to see The Blue Jays play.
Gee, thanks.
We should be train-wise these days. Thousands of cars going up and down Highway 11/400
every day of the week. We thought it was the opportunity to save gas and have a stress free trip to Toronto. Catch a matinee performance at the Princess of Wales Theatre. Maybe some lunch and then a comfortable ride back north. We’d be saving gas. Cutting down on exhaust being puffed into the air and cutting down out chances of having an accident.
It’s too bad really.
I believe we should be served by a light rail transit link all the way from Muskoka down to the city. It always seems that Toronto gets the new transit lines- a new subway extension into Scarborough and such but those of us within an hour of the city have no such luxury. We have to drive. I suppose there is a bus service. One bus to Barrie and then another from Barrie to Toronto.
Too much of a fuss.
Bad enough having to drive to Barrie to catch the GO but it would eliminate the need to drive in city traffic. I don’t understand why the Ontario Government can’t see the need for a rapid rail line hugging 400 and Eleven. Something likes the transit at Pearson International. A train that clips along smoothly high above streets and parking lots. This Airport line is in the process of being extended to a subway. Finally, passengers can take transit to the airport without having to take an express bus. Not that there’s anything wrong with a bus but it’s not my preferred choice of travel.
They have it right in Europe. Trains take you everywhere. It’s a part of life. It’s a fantastic network of rail lines connecting to almost anywhere. Heck even the Chunnel connect Great Britain to France.
So maybe- as Ontarians living on the rim of the Big Smoke, we need to ask for better rail and commuting service to get the cars off of Highways 400 and 11.
It probably won’t happen in my lifetime but a smart, concise letter to Premier Wynne might be a rail-ride in the right direction for the future.
So, we’ll be driving down to see Les Miz.
We’ll be pumping gas into the tank and burning 30 dollars or more of gas for the return trip.
Once at the theatre on King Street  West, we’ll pay 20 bucks to park under the theatre- convenient- yet expensive.
Our seats for the show- 120 dollars
Then, 30 bucks to have lunch.
After a pleasant three hours we’ll be heading back through clogged Toronto streets to a super busy highway with fingers crossed that we’ll make it home safe and sound.

Saturday, October 19, 2013


It’s kind of a strange autumn.
Our two large Maple trees are devoid of their leaves and yet other trees and shrubs in the yard- like our red maple, lilacs and choke cherries are still green. Of course, the honey locust trees are still green too. They stay green every year until everything else has turned colour.
The mountain ash is loaded with orangey-red berries- a sign that winter may be harsh or will it be?
So far, temps have been fairly moderate and walking Missy- our mini-schnauzer around the neighbourhood while still wearing shorts and flipflops- in October no less, is strange to say the least.
Global warming may just keep another winter mild and offer us only a smattering of snow.
That would be all right by me.
I hate the white stuff.
The shovelling, the slush, the slippery roads- whiteouts.
If I want to see snow, I can look at a photograph, do a Goggle search or watch White Christmas- the movie.
Come to think of it, global warming is an integral part of the story of White Christmas. Who would have thought that Global warming had its beginning in a Christmas Film- in VistaVision no less!
You see, Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye- Bob Wallace and Phil Davis, travel all the way to Pine Tree Vermont to stay close to the Hanes Sisters- Rosemary Clooney and Vera Allen. However, Vermont- even though it’s all “Vermonty” except for a distinct lack of snow, is actually warmer than Florida. On the train ride to Vermont the “kids” do sing a song about snow using cute little props made from the wintry decorations on the table in the dining car. However, as they step down from the train all they see is the green, green grass of home- or rather Pine Tree.
This unnatural warm spell sucks for the Columbia Inn’s owner and former General Thomas Waverley. See the boys were under his command in WW II and now that it’s the mid-50’s we find the General retired and he’s sunk all his cash and savings into this Country Inn- called the Columbia.
How Yankee Doodle is that?
These days the General is under the command of housekeeper and self-proclaimed busybody Emma- played by Mary Wickes- my favourite character in the film.
So, it appears things aren’t going so well- what with a lack of snow, as the holidays approach.
Columbia Inn-White Christmas
After mild days and cool nights Bing and Danny- who are in show biz…
I forgot to mention that didn’t I? Oh yes, the Hanes Sisters are show biz gals too.
So, Danny and Bing bring their whole New York show up to Pine Tree to help the General out.
The weather stays warm as Christmas Eve approaches and as luck would have it, during the show the snow starts to fall, the cast sings White Christmas and curtain.
Without that freakishly warm December over in Pine Tree Vermont, there just wouldn’t have been a White Christmas- the movie. Thanks to Global warming there wouldn’t even have been a plot.
The weather guys aren’t saying too much right now about winter but take heart and watch White Christmas now- the Global warming movie.
It’s on Netflix if you don’t own your own copy.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013


Another Conversation with The Big Guy
It’s been a while but I had a few minutes, so I picked up the phone and dialed long distance to Heaven to have a chat with the Big Guy. It’s been a while and I am sure he has lots to tell us. I know I have a lot to ask. So let’s get started.
Me: Hey Big Guy, thanks for taking my call. God you must be busy these days, eh?
God: Nice to hear your voice Rob and just a quick note- don’t take my name in…you know.
Me: Oh, cripes- sorry. ~ahem~ Oh shit…I mean shoot…is cripes a cuss word?
God: ~laughing~ Oh, Ho Ho Ho Rob, no cripes isn’t a naughty word. Cripes I use it all the time myself. I use a bunch of cuss words when you folks down there on earth fuckin’ piss me off!
Me: Oh…right…yes…I can see you aren’t afraid to call them as you see them. It’s curious though Lord, you seemed to be channeling someone else there.
God: Well Rob ~chuckle, ho~ whoever do you mean?
Me: Oh, I dunno. Santa Claus maybe?
God: What? ~Ho Hoedy Hoe~ Now Rob don’t make me laugh. That’s preposterous. I can be a pretty stern and demanding Deity at times. ~pause~  Santa? Now, that is a good one.
~Ho, Ho, Ho~
Me: Yes, I suppose it is preposterous…however…anyway. It’s been a while, so how are things in Heaven?
 God: Oh well Rob, glad you asked. We’re still building tons of condos. I mean, if you people down there keep dying at the current rate, we’ll have to expand to another universe. I mean with all your accidents, shootings, stabbings and disease- not to mention the bloody you-know-who’s killing their fellow you-know-what’s over you-know-where…well, it all adds up! I look back some days. Way back when you earthly folks decided to pick a God and you picked me. Dunno why. Thor is way more interesting. Anyway, that’s another long verse. Then, you wrote all this stuff- you mortals, about what to do and what not to do.
Me: Yes, I’ve read many parts of the book.
God: Well that’s nice Rob but it really only makes one good points- Love. It’s that simple. That and have a blast during your days on earth.
Me: A blast?
God: Yes. Life’s short you know.
Me: Yes, apparently. Listen God. What do you think of Rob Ford?
God: Oh My! Now there is a question. To answer you truthfully- and I must since I am your host of hosts after all- not much! He’s quite the little party boy isn’t he? I know he’s making a big donkey’s rear end out of himself and that wonderful City of Toronto- I love Toronto, however, soon his day will come- one way or the other.
Me: What do you mean one way or the other?
God: Oh Robbbbb. Look at the guy. He’s a walking billboard for all kinds of health problems- snorting aside….and yes, I know the video doesn’t exist.
Me: It doesn’t?
God: Look Rob, I don’t want to give too much away but that guy hasn’t seen his penis in a decade or two, so why should he have seen this video. I think that says a lot. ~ hah, hah~
Me: So you are saying there could be a video but maybe Ford just hasn’t seen it or believes it doesn’t exist.
God: Why do you think they call it “dope”?
Me: Can’t argue with you there. On another topic, what about all that strife in our senate?
God: Oh for Jiminy Cricket’s sake. Don’t even mention Pamela Wallin’s name here in Heaven.
She’s got a lot of s’plainin’ to do when she gets here.
Me: Oh, do you expect her soon?
God: Now, I can’t say Rob. That is privileged information but I will say this, that Duffy fellah and she make a “great example of being bad examples”. At least that’s how my Son sees it?
Me: Oh how is your son- Jesus?
God: Oh fuck! Don’t call him that. These days it’s pronounced “Hey-zeus”. You know Spanish.
Me: Spanish?
God: Oh yes, it’s the latest thing from the Saviour of the World- learning Spanish. He’s thinking of going back and landing somewhere in Mexico or Spain.
Me: Really?
God: I suggested Cranbrook B.C. but he says the real estate prices are way too high.
Me: Tell me about it. Listen God, if you had to rate the human race over say…
God: Vulcans or Zardoffs? Are you talking this universe or the one three rows over and two seats down.
Me: Vulcans or who? Hey! Isn’t that a Bobby Curtola song you’re quoting there?
God: Sure is. Love that Bobby Curtola! ~pause~ You were saying…
Me: I was saying…if you rated our race against others, how would we fair?
God: Well you guys aren’t the brightest bulbs on the Holiday Tree- are you?
Me: You mean Christmas Tree and no, I guess we’re not.
God: Oh Rob, we’re all politically correct in Heaven these days. We usually just say tree. You know get the “tree” up. Decorate the “tree”.
Me: So how is Mary these days?
God: The Mother or my son’s friend?
Me: Well, either, I guess.
God: Well the “Virgin” ~wink, wink~ is busy as ever. Those Catholics are calling to her every second of the day and she grows weary of that. She wishes they could just fix their own problems now and then but our Mary does her best. She draws the line at helping any Catholic win the lottery, however.
Me: Yes. I can understand. Favouritism.
God: The other Mary is busy too. She’s opening a new bar and restaurant down the way on Olive Avenue. It’s a big place. You should see it Rob. She tells me the food will be all comfort stuff- like meatloaf and such.  Mary makes a wild meatloaf! A couple of the disciples will be working the bar when she opens- by Christmas she hopes.
Me: Well good luck to her. That sounds exciting.
God: Oh Rob! There are many exciting things going on in Heave. One day you’ll see for yourself.
Me: Right. Just not too soon- I hope.
God: Well that’s all a part of this thing we call life- you just never know.
Me: Well God, on that note I thank you for taking my call and I wish you all the best.
God: Anytime Rob. Any time at all. Beats talking to many of the “callers” I get up here. Hey, this is a real clear line Rob.
Me: Yes, well I stuck with Bell Canada.
God: Good for you. Bell’s still number one in Heaven too.
Me: Really? ~pause~ Again, thanks for this.
God: You are most welcome. We’ll talk soon.
Me: Amen to that!