Wednesday, August 26, 2015


Below is an abridged interview written by Billy Cox from Best Buddy magazine where Billy talks to a 17 year old male. The interview appears in the September Issue.
Today I am in conversation with Homosexual Ontario Teen Dick Ryan. Mr. Ryan is just like any other Gay teen you might come across in a beachside change room on a hot summer afternoon or in a dark, well-treed neighbourhood park late in the evening. Dick suffers- in part, from blue balls and regularly seeks relief from other Male Gay teens just like him.
However, this is where Dick’s similarity and normality ends when you compare Dick to any other average 17 year old Male Homosexual. This Dick in front of me finds himself increasingly drawn to anyone from the conservative, religious, political right.
“I can’t explain it.”- says Dick, “Sometimes I pass by a church with a huge cross on the lawn or see a newspaper story about a local guy who’s supposed to be flaming and I just go nuts. Once there was a colour photo of this born again guy on page ten of the newspaper. The rumours said he was Gay and closeted and right-wing religious. I thought it was too good to be true all in one package but it still made me bust a nut. At times like that, I don’t feel like I can control my urges.”
Dick says he wants to be just like everyone else but admits he finds himself more and more drawn to any conservative church’s religious pamphlet and Gay guys who go to church and vote for the right.
“I have newspaper clippings of a certain right wing politician stuffed under my mattress. I know that ain’t normal but it’s just these eruptive urges I feel. Sometimes, I even draw crosses on photographs of right-wingers with a black Sharpie I’ve doused in Holy Water from St. Anne of the Apostles church. How hot is that?” –says Dick while repeatedly pulling at the crotch of his faded denims.
“It used to be I could control my urges and I’d talk about it to the guys I’d see sitting around partially naked at the change house down at the park. They’d call me fairyboy and stuff and we’d even horse around a bit but even that couldn’t take my mind off the possibility of knowing a devout, right-wing Fundamentalist.”
When questioned about their son’s sexual/religious leanings Mr. and Mrs. Ryan would only say they’d like to have a normal, homosexual, teenage son who does normal Gay Teen things like blowing Uncle Bo when he takes a bubble bath in the old cast iron tub up in the hot attic bathroom.
“We just want him to do normal Fag stuff like that! We don’t know where he got the idea of blowing his semen all over the place while thinking about the Christian Right or politicians- if that indeed is what he does. His Father and I believe that to be so.”- says Mrs. Ryan.
Dick says that maybe he’ll grow out of it one day and have proper wet dreams about Hugh Jackman or Stephen Harper like the other normal butt pokers he knows.
I wish you the best Dick!

Thursday, August 20, 2015


It's time folks. Time for another little chat with the "Big Guy". The most omnipresent
presence that I know of. It's another conversation with God Almighty.

Me: Hey God, thanks for once again opening yourself up to a down home chat.

God: Why hello Rob. Anytime. You know that- even though I also know you're a card-carrying Atheist.

Me: I'm that transparent am I?

God: I am God after all and I can see through people and things. No big whup. Although I must say seeing you portray that Nun- Sister Mary Margaret, this summer I marvel at how you can allow your undefined religiosity to show and yet remain so convincing.

Me: Undefined Religiosity? That's a line from my All for Nun show. How? What?? Did? But...

God: Yes, Rob. I was at the show right in row 6. Aisle Seat. remember the day all those Caribbean Folks packed the theatre?

Me: ...yes...

God: I was there. You even placed your hand on my shoulder.

Me: I can't believe it?

God: Oh, I'm one of your biggest fans- even though you don't believe in me.

Me: Well, thanks...I guess.

God: You're welcome...I guess. ~grins~

Me: Actually I'm flattered that you took the time to come all the way down...

God: Over. Not down Rob.

Me: Over?

God: Yes I wasn't up here in Heaven, I was over at the summer place on my private planet. So it's more over than up.

Me: Cripes. I forget that you have that little vacation planet all to yourself.

God: Not quite to myself. I have a couple of dozen Angels with me to keep the place tidy and to look after me. I'm no spring chicken these days Rob.

Me: No, I guess not. Would I be too bold to ask how many years "young" you are?

God: I'm not sure. We didn't keep great records way back then at the dawn of creation and such. My Mother...

Me: Your Mother? Not the Holy Mother Mary?

God: Oh Gawd no! I mean Gertrude Ruth Natasha- my birth Mother.

Me: Gee, I had no idea. Gertrude? Really? Was she from down here?

God: No. Down there didn't exist. No big bang before I came into the world. I was the BIG BANG.

~he laughs~

Me: Gee, I never thought about your birth being the "big bang".

God: Well, to be truthful- and I am God and truth is important to me, it wasn't just my birth alone that created the "big bag". There was a whole bunch of crazy stuff going on back then- long before Stephen Harper was a glint in his mother's eye.

Me: Or Patrick Brown...

God: Oh for St. Paul's Sake! Don't get me started on that queer fellah.

Me: Queer?

God: NO! I don't mean "queer" as in Gay, I mean "queer" as in "strange". Jesus, Mary and Joe, I keep forgetting you folks have progressed so far. Still he does show signs...

Me: Signs of what?

God: No, I better not say.

Me: Is he going to win his seat?

God: Now Rob, I can't go foretelling the future like that. Goodness knows what might happen. The planets might start to leave their orbit or some people might stop being such big assholes.

Me: Wow God- Your Extremeness! You said "assholes"!!

God: Yes. That's not a swearword here. At least to me it isn't. I just call someone what they really are and if they are one- an asshole I mean, they deserve to be called one.

Me: God, why can't you just make some people not be such assholes.

God: Well Rob, the earth would be a dull place without them. Same with the Green Party. It takes all kinds as you know. are the ticket sales going for "Earnest".

Me: You know about Earnest?

God: Yes, I picked up a brochure in the OCC lobby as I was leaving your All for Nun show. Boy, the air conditioning really keeps things cool out there- doesn't it?

Me: Yes. ~pause~ OH!. I see. Yes. Yes. It does. ~chuckle~ Tickets are going slow but we have some time.

God: Well I applaud you for soldiering on. Hey Rob, I was thinking..

Me: Yes,

God: Now an Angel- Angel David,o brought this to my attention, He suggested I encourage you to write a show using me as a character.

Me: You? Geez I dunno...

God: Hey they did it on Broadway this summer and it was a hit. I think you could write a real funny play. You'd have my blessing, Rob, to do it

Me: Really?

God: Of course.

Me: Now that gives me something to think about over the winter.

God: Oh yes Rob, about your winter this year...if you thought the last two years were bad, well...

Me: No! I don't want to know.

God: Not even a hint?

Me: Nope! Look God, I gotta be running along.

God: Yes you do. You have Earnest dialogue to learn.

Me: How did you...know?

God: I'm omnipresent. I know all and see all. Oh by the way, that package of bologna in your meat bin in the fridge?

Me: Yes?

God: Toss it. It's gone off!

Me: I will and thanks God. This was terrific!

God: Same back at you. See you next time Rob. All the best.

Saturday, August 1, 2015


Hello Again,

I say that because it's been a couple of weeks since I blogged. However, now that our show All for Nun- A Stage Xtravaganza has closed, I will have some more time at least till mid-September.

All for Nun is the Theatre Orillia Show I wrote that ran for 3 successful weeks. We successfully paid cast and crew and our venue.
We did so putting mostly out-of-town bums in our seats!

This 2015 Summer Theatre Season would not have lasted a week is it weren't for the bus tours and the out-of-town folks on Sunshine Getaway tours. Now, to be fair we do pick up some locals on Thursday Matinees and Thursday nights but that is mainly due to the fact that it's 2 for 1 pricing. Friday nights at full, regular prices are a bust.
You can't give a ticket away some Fridays. Our Theatre Orillia shows are populated with professional, paid actors. They are a cut above and yet we struggle.

The middle Friday in our run was cancelled because of only 2 seats sold, whereas the day before- a Thursday, we were almost a full house for two shows. Same thing for our final Thursday. Full houses and yet Friday- our closing night, only had 7 seats sold until two days before when we gave away seats to make sure the cast had an audience.
You know how people say things happen for a reason?
That Friday night we cancelled?
Turned out it was a good decision because I lost my voice. My vocal chords started to go caput on Thursday, so Friday I had not voice. I spoke in a whisper. 5 shows a week and two shows on Thursdays can wreak havoc on one's un-mic'd voice.

On the subject of comps. They're not a bad idea but they don't pay the bills.
Yet, on a final night, what do we have to lose?
Word of mouth does nothing- since it's the last show anyway.
I will say Sister Mary Margaret took up a "free will offering" at the top of the second act and we managed to recoup some expenses.
Good on her!

Theatre Orillia/Double R Productions  have brought in close to 20 busloads of theatre guests who shop locally, dine locally, take boat cruises and see summer theatre. Our Getaway Guests stay overnight and do even more. One Matinee bus came all the way from Barry's Bay just to see our show and have lunch! Another afternoon two buses filled with members of the Caribbean Community of Toronto came to dine at the Golden Wok Buffet on Front Street, South and see our show.
They were a terrific audience to be sure.

We're not even sure many downtown merchants are aware that we bring in these people.
We are grateful for the advertising support of small businesses we receive, as well as the cash flow from our Season and Show sponsors. We couldn't do it without them.

If you missed The Affections of May and All for Nun- A Stage Xtravaganza, you still have time to see The Importance of Being Earnest the St Paul's Centre beginning September 29th. The St Paul Gals will be cooking a turkey dinner Thursday and Friday Nights so you can sup well and see our show. The Box Office is 705.242.8011.

We really need a ton of support for this autumn show and I sincerely hope we can count on you.

Finally, if you did see All for Nun, you should know that now you can follow Sister Mary Margaret
at her twitter account: