Tuesday, December 13, 2011


The Christmas Season just wouldn't be "jolly" without a visit from Dame Clare Voyant and a blog about the Holiday Festivites around the Palasi Royal- just on the outside of town.

Around the Palais
                  by Dame Clare Voyant

Well My Dears,
Festive is what Festive does.

I mean that.
I really do.

Take Xavier- who is the hubbie of Roger my head poolboy. This delivery boy- well, man really Darlings, even though his tussled blonde hair gave me boyish dreams later that same night, arrives at the door and brings Xavier a bouquet of 24 red roses from Roger.

I know My Dears- how incredibly festive and loving and thoughtful. I was standing in the front hall as the delivery boy passed the bundle to Xavier.
“My Xavier, aren’t those roses absolutely spectacular!”- I gushed.
“Yes, they are”- says Xavier, “but you know what this- he nods towards the bouquet of red stems in his arms, means…”
“He loves you?”- I quickly say.
“No!” says Xavier. “It means that for the rest of the holidays I will be flat on my back-mostly, with my muscular legs in the air pointing my athletic toes toward the stars!”
“Well for goodness sakes Xavier, why not use one of the crystal vases from the dining room hutch!!”- I exclaim!!

I meant that My Dears.
I really did.
At the Palais I would share anything and everything with my “Boys”. 
So it’s been a whirlwind of holiday parties, get-togethers , sing-a-longs and nuts roasting by the open fire pit on the south lawn. I tell both Roger and Xavier to move back from the flames a little My Dears or they’ll singe their bikini line but they only smile at me and open their swimmers legs all the wider to welcome even more heat in that most private of places.

Well My Dears, you have to laugh.
I mean that.
I really do. 
Honestly, My Dears, I will never understand the attachment you men have with your extremities. Keeping them warm one minute and exposing them to the elements the next.
Why I remember one year Roger, Xavier and a sleigh load of their friends from the city wallowed naked in the snow on the Palais’ West Lawn making the most interesting snow angels. Their arms, legs and all manner of body parts were twisting and fluttering, this way and that.

My best friend Hedda Lettuce, her secretary Sofonda Cox and your Dameness were splitting a royal gut watching from the conservatory, while sipping on warm cider, cranberry juice and just a touch of Amaretto. A holiday drink made and named by a very good friend of your Dame’s- who shall go nameless to protect his standing in the community.
This friend dubbed the brew “Jingle Bells”

How positively sweet!
I mean that my Dears.
I really Do. 
So, onwards with the Holiday Fun!
Make Merry- won’t you my Darlings?
Oh and-  keep your extremities warm and safe- won’t you?
Cheery Holidays to one and all!! 
I mean that.
I really do!