Okay folks, from here on in, it’s a definite test of one’s patience and “Holiday Cheer” when you venture into a busy department store or mall. The crunch is on! People are wide-eyed, like Bambi caught in the headlights of an oncoming Ford Falcon. We never seem to learn though. We never seem to have enough time. As a friend’s husband once said to “the Wife”-“Did you forget that Christmas falls on December 25 Dear?”
At our house we are cutting back again this year. After all we have just returned from a one week Holiday in Mainz, Germany and Paris, France. Funds are low. On top of that, I'm installing a new console/operation board in the Swisssh Radio Studio. That's cost is more than ~ahem~. Well, never mind that figure. Cutting back is not what Zellers, Wal*Mart, The Bay and Future Shop want to hear but that’s the lay of the land again this Holiday Season- for us at least.
Gift-giving? Well honestly, can you even remember what Uncle Stew gave you last Christmas? Probably not.
Now, we're not being total Scrooges. We are still buying a turkey, seeing holiday shows, a movie or two and buying little things for host(ess) gifts- if we happen to see friends over the Holidays but that’s it.
To be sure, the spirit of Christmas is still here at out house. The Non-Religious spirit that is. While a few friends and relatives do things for the Glory of Jesus and God at Christmas, we like to think of the Manager Story with a baby, Three Kings and Shepherds as charming little story set in a faraway land. We're not looking to bow down to some overpowering, love-demanding God that is going to promise us we'll see Heaven if we kiss his or her Christmas ass. It's something like Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and the Toronto Star. He's not kissing butt and neither is Torstar. No love lost there between a Conservative Bigot and Toronto's Number one Newspaper. Frankly, it makes me ill seeing pictures of the fat ****** every time I look at a newspaper or online edition.
One of the nicest things about the Holiday Season this year is the relatively low number of colourful, rubber monoliths that covered every lawn in Orillia just a few short years ago. We had neighbours- who have since moved away, cover every available space on the ground or rooftop with those things. Mickey, Goofy, Mini Mouse and more al starring at us throughout the season. It was too much! Fah-la-la-la-lah-la-la-la-lah!!
Good on the City of Orillia for providing free parking Downtown once again this year. I mean hardly anybody ever shops downtown because of the fear of a parking ticket or at the very least paying twice or three times the amount that one would at the mall or an outlet store. I say “bravo” just the same for still trying to convince us to shop downtown. At least for a few weeks when I pull into a lot to “Shop Downtown”, I am not frustrated searching for major coinage- when all I have is pennies, to feed the blasted meter. Any wonder it’s easier to drive to West Ridge or The Mall. Geeesh!
Speaking of Downtown finally the Opera House Christmas Tree is absolutely beautiful! I wonder if Krista Storey had something to do with that tree? I mean someone had to tell the “straight guys” they were mucking it all up when decorating that tree with those purplish-coloured lights! Like Christmas Decorating and Wedding Planning, the rule is- leave these things to Gay Men.
Many of us will choosae to shop online this year and wait for Canpar, the UPS Man or Canada Post, conveniently delivering our purchases to our front doors. That’s a good idea. It might save you some time if you check the store’s website- if you intend shopping in person, to see if they even carry the item you’re searching for.
Finally, I love Christmas music. I start playing it on Swisssh Radio the day that the Orillia Santa Claus Parade schlepped it's way through Downtown Orillia. I hear Christmas Music in the stores too. Oh, while on that subject, if Jesus exists and is reading this column, please make that Hippopotamus Song, any Christmas tune sung by Whitney Houston along with that freakin’ Mary’s Boy Child tune from Boney M- disappear.
God, Bless us every one!