Sunday, June 20, 2010


A Day in the Life of a Garage Sale

0614: Roll out of bed all bleary eyed.
0615: I Need a coffee. Real Bad.
0617: I realize the coffee timer doesn't come on until 730!
0618: I need a coffee REAL bad. Why didn’t I
remember that damned timer!!
0619: I perk a pot.
0625: Ahhhh. My first sip of Coffee. Ain’t life
0630: Update weather on Swisssh Radio and head
for the garage.
0640: Dragging boxes out to the front of the garage.
0650: Water a couple of plants. More Coffee. For Me- not the plants.
0700: Shower and Shave.
0725: Back to Garage and set up a couple of tables. Drag stuff here and there.
0745: Nothing priced yet- except for the large items.
0800: Our friend Cathy arrives in her car with a trailer behind- loaded with “stuff”
0830: More Coffee. Set up departments- electronics, home d├ęcor, kitchen wares
0831: Tom puts two “Garage Sale” signs up down the street.
0835: Cars start to pull up.
0840: First Sale. 10 cents! Wow!
0859: Customer says: Do you have any dressers. Nope. That department is closed today.
0912: Man buys two small items. Owes us a quarter. Goes to the car to get the quarter and drives off.
0912:15: We all yell- “Cheap Bastard!”
0915: Two ladies looking at a $5 dish set of 20+ pieces. One says to the other-
Gladys, what would we do with it?”
Eat & drink from it!”- my inside voice says!!!
0917: “Will you take 5 bucks for this dish set?”
“No.”- I say. “It’s antique and I paid $250 for it more than 10 years ago.” They turn
and walk away.
0940: More coffee.
0952: Does this electric BBQ work? Does it get hot? Can you adjust the heat? Is it heavy
to carry?
0952: Bathroom Break because of all the coffee.
1025: “What does this cute little Santa Claus do?”- says a customer.
“Well...”- I begin my sales pitch, “It dances and walks, rings the bell
and music plays.”
“Does it sing?”
“No Ma’m. It does not sing.”
She walks away.
“Shit. What does she want for 2 bucks?”
1046: The driveway is chock-a-clock full of customers. A couple approach me.
“We’re just starting to furnish an apartment and we don’t have much money.”
They buy 6 chairs- from our friend Cathy, a water cooler and small fridge from us.
50 bucks total.
I feel sorry for them and offer a place setting for 6- for free- to help them. The couple is most appreciative. Then, it comes time to pay. They give me a 100 dollar bill.
Cripes. I never carry a hundred dollar bill!! They must have seen the flashing “sucker” light emblazed across my forehead.
1115: “Do you have any Music CDs? Country, Perhaps?”
 "No - but I have a Santa Claus that does everything but sing!”
“ Sorry but I was looking for Music CDs.
1116: Pee break again.
1200: Table and 4 Chairs sell for 40 bucks. A kid's pool- used once, for $5.
1220: Some mugs, old tin cans and antiques bottle go for a few bucks.
1221: Santa’s still there on the table only now he’s being kept company by
small platoon of cute tin soldiers in bright red tunics playing a variety 
of musical instruments.
1245: Just a few customers now. No big spenders. A few books for a buck and a tent canopy for 5.
1310: We start to clear up the items left. A box or two go to the curb marked “FREE”. Good stuff packed back in boxes for another day. Poor “silent” Santa. There he is standing in the affternoon sunshine, ringing a bell that nobody hears.
1400: All cleanup done. We made 150 bucks. Too much work for too little return.
1402: Exhaustion sets in.