Wednesday, June 16, 2010


“Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”
Didn’t your Grandmother say that to you when she tucked you in for the night?
It was sweet.
Quite endearing.
Much better than-
“Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I should die…


Granny, how’s that supposed to help me have pleasant dreams when I have to think about death?

I was reading about the bedbug problem in Toronto. Bedbugs in hotels, condos and even a hospital. These things get into everything- couches, beds- even clothing that you might have purchased at a “vintage” clothing shop. It means spraying and throwing mattresses out to garbage .Yet, that’s no guarantee that the little “buggers” will stay away for good.

It’s a lot like Stephen Harper’s Conservatives.
You can plug your ears and refuse to listen to their “rightist” propaganda, yet they still continue to get under your skin. Why we might even be so lucky as to have them hold a majority in government- unless the Liberals can grab our country back from the little pests. There’s no spray or pesticide that can keep a good Alliance-Reformer down. Oh, they disappear for a while but they return- usually with a simple name change.

I wonder how much Queen Elizabeth knows about the Harperites?
She must be briefed ahead of time and then I expect she and Phillip have a bit of a nosh in the south Parlour over tea.

“Philip, what is going on in the colonies right now? I was told that this Harper guy tends to think of himself as a “God” of sorts who sits on his throne and reads things, telling the Canadian people what to do.”

“My Dear- isn’t that what you do too here in Great Britain?”

“Yes. Well. Oh ~giggle~ right Philip. That is what I do. I know what. I’ll just smile at him and give him the impression I give a fuck. What a laugh. Tea?”

“Yes Dear, please.”

“Oh and Philip…”


“Remember, to pack a clean pair of undies for each of the days we are away in Canada. No more “commando in the colonies” like last time!”

“But my Dear, it’s so liberating!”

Now Philip, would you like your Queen to let “these puppies” bob all over the place from Winnipeg to Ottawa. Why My Dear Philip, they could do damage bumping into flag poles or bumping into door frames. No, it is best if you just keep the boys in place in a good pair of whites from Marks and Sparks.”

“Yes My Dear. You are quite right. Biscuit?”

“Yes. Thank Q. Do you think they’ll really ask Captain Kirk to be my representative for all of Canada. My. Imagine Dear if that were to happen?”

“Quirky at best Elizabeth but you know they are a “randy bunch” this little country of yours called Canada. I wouldn’t be surprised one little bit. Not one bit- eh what?”

“Well I suppose it’s out of my hands, although I would prefer that Mr. Harper to be seen and not heard. I used to have such fun with Jean.”

“Chretien- my Dear?”

“Yes. He was good for a laugh and a giggle although sometimes I didn’t get the joke.”

“Too dirty for my Queen, My Dear?”

“No Philip, at times I couldn’t understand a thing he was saying to me!”

“Oh! Say after tea, shall we go shooting things in the forest?”

“Oh yes, lets and Philip…”

“Yes Dear?”

“You can go commando out there- if you like! ~giggle, giggle~”

“Why you little royal minx!”