At least that’s what time it is on the Doomsday Clock. In fact it’s just a few minutes to midnight and the end of us all. What a nice, positive way to begin two thousand and twelve!
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Well, just what can we expect the way things are going?
There’s that little in-bred, bastard son of the dead North Korean leader, who can’t wait to push the button to show the world how much of a man he really is, simply by sending some nuclear missiles to other parts of the world that piss him and the rest of the North Koreans off- like America.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Why are the North Koreans pissed at America?
Maybe because there’s a McDonalds and Target on every corner in the good old USA. Maybe that’s what the North Koreans really want-
a Big Mac and a nice outfit.
As they aim their weapons let’s hope they can tell the difference between Canadians and Americans.
Hey North Korea!
It’s us!
Canada.
We’re the country with Tim Horton’s and a Petro Canada Gas Station on every corner. I know we look a bit like America but we really aren’t. We are as different as night and day. Sure we have Wal*Marts.
Yes we have Old Navy Stores, American Idol on TV and we share a common border but that’s about it.
Listen, North Korea, to be quite honest, there are times we’d like to send a big missile to America too. Sometimes they are just so loud and they won’t shut up and they only care about all things American. They don’t give a damn about the rest of us. They give us the hairy eyeball when we try to cross their borders to shop and lay in their sun in the dead of winter.
Now, it’s not just politics affecting the Doomsday Timex.
It’s all that pollution that’s out there that’s killing us and melting the snow and ice so the poor polar bears are running out of habitat.
Pollution that comes from the exhaust of cars and trucks. Smoke from our factories. Effluent in our lakes and streams and as everyone knows that baddest of them all- plastic shopping bags.
Plastic shopping bags the worst of the worst. That’s why we have to pay 5 cents for each one of the dastardly things. Why can’t we think of something else to put our stuff in when shopping at Winners and Zehrs?
Hey…what about brown paper bags?
Has anyone ever thought about using plain old brown paper bags?
Tick. Tick. Tick.
It’s not too late.
We better get to work today and slow down that clock or we’ll all be going to Hell in a handbasket!
A handbasket that is made of recycled and recyclable materials of course!
