ROBBLOG #670

Nota Bene: This BLOG has a picture of Male Buttocks below.

I couldn't help it!

Welcome to the first "full" week in November!

I am Blogging today with a note to Kathleen Wynne Premier of Ontario.

Kathy, I looked at the list of Ontario Cities where legalized pot will be sold at LCBO outlets. Katie, it really is non of my beeswax- since as of August 22nd I live in British Columbia and not Ontario. I mean, here on the Island the smell of friggin' pot wafting across neighbourhoods is as prevalent at the smell of piss in the streets of Paris.

I don't like it.

The pot that is, although the smell of Parisienne Urine is not on the top of my list of favourite scents but it is Paris after all and Paris beats almost anything.

I don't agree with Justin legalizing it and I can't agree with the choice of the Ontario Cities where you will allow it to be sold.

I mean c'mon Kath, Orillia isn't on your list?

Orillia has been home to lots and lots of Potheads since the beginning of time.

People smoked it.

Grew it. Baked it. Rolled it.

They made fun of it and most importantly were stoned on it ever since I can remember.

Cripes the CBC even did a story on it when I was in High School back in the 60's.

Pot Gentlemen to be sure....

I mean in Orillia, couldn't pot stores could set up shop right next to the meth clinics?

How convenient, eh?

I know you want to have the LCBO distribute the foul weed but you could make an exception for Orillia. Gee, Kate, throw in a cash store and another Dollarama and the lineup would be around the block!

You really need to get to know Orillia, Kath. Don't discount this Central Ontario city just because the Conservatives kiss the ass Patrick Brown sits on. The Tories in Orillia and area would lick

Doug Ford's balls if they were offered to them in the display cabinet- next to the sour cream Timbits, at one of the many fine Tim Horton Outlets peppered across the city.

Look Kaff, the point is, you saw fit to skip Orillia and sell the mood altering plant in Barrie.

Now, I know you can't stand Patrick Brown- I can't either- obviously, however, living in BC, I don't have to worry about that any more. I have the Green Party to keep me entertained here.

All being said and done, I am concerned.

I mean look at that young, prominent Orillia fellah who has his lips permanently stuck on Pat's lower cheeks without the aid of velcro. What might he do and believe if he were able to buy whacky tabacky locally, instead of driving to Bah-ree.

The sky is the limit Kate. He might follow in Garfield's family footsteps one of these days and be a problem down the road for you- like Patrick is today.

No!

Wait!

He isn't Garfield's son, so that won't work but then again maybe he is Paddy's seed.

I mean do we really know Kathleen?

I digress...

Back to Mr. Brown.

Surely you know what he has been up to and what he is really like.

I mean really...isn't his office just down the hall? You must hear and see things? Ask your wife.

Now, I know he comes off as not being able to say "tah tah" if his mouth was full of it but "Geeze Louise" lift his flap and you'll see he has an expiration date just like the Mary Jane you are marketing practically everywhere else but Orillia!

Oh, I know places like Midland and Owen Sound and Dryden aren't on your list either but would they really be on anyone's list for anything- except a list of the "buttcracks of the world"?

Now, c'mon people, if you live there you know what I mean.

I spent 38 minutes in Dryden this past summer.

You think that little Katie just made a little mistake and forgot about you?

No.

It was on purpose. This fine upstanding Lesbian Premier of Canada's biggest and best province

is that powerful and as a Gay Man I have nothing against Kate. I like her. I have met her. She is one of "us" and as you know- the Lesbians keep the flannel shirt industry booming.

Look folks, if you don't have an LCBO Pot Store near you, you'll have to get a PayPal account and buy your stash online just like everyone else who lives in a forgotten Ontario Town or City that doesn't vote Liberal.

So, poor old Orillia.

I feel for you Lady.

Kate, this is an oversight I am sure.

I have to believe this to be true- even though I have never, ever touched pot in any way shape of form.

Look, I was born right there at Soldiers Memorial Hospital in Orillia.

Ya, probably one of the reasons I turned out Gay.

Well, that and being run over on my tricycle when I was three years old- according to my Dad.

That's another story for another time.

You deserve better Miss Orillia and your potheads do as well.

This photo may or may not be a reasonable facsimile of a Pot Smoker.



ROBBLOG #669 W E E K E N D EDITION

Ahhhh....November.

A  most useless month if there ever was one- unless it's a birthday or anniversary month for you.

Yet, it is a pre-curser to Christmas in Canada and these days once the pumpkins are thrown on the compost heap, jingle bells are in the air.

I use the latter part of the month to set up my Christmas Trees and decorate this and that around the house- both inside and outside.

This year though- we have no house!!!

At least- not yet.

However, by the end of the month we should be moving in to Stonewood Village here on The Island.

I don't expect to pull holiday décor out of boxes until the end of the first week in December. Our belongings are being delivered on December 2nd. I'll be one "mad elf" trying to accomplish the normal tree decorating that I usually do over a week in late November.

Never mind though.

It will get done.

Just know- The Holidays are Coming"!

A couple of weeks back I was thumbing through December's House and Home Magazine and saw some neat little tree decorations in a Canadian Tire ad.

I have been into the local Cowichan Canadian Tire 2 or 3 times over the past couple of weeks and the Christmas stuff was just being put on display- albeit slowly.

Even these first few days into November, Island stores seems slower than Ontario stores in getting the holiday merchandise out on display.

I remember Orillia's Wal*Mart every year it was all Christmas- holiday tunes piping through the sound system and all, the morning of November first! As I said a bit slower here. Hallowe'en costumes and tons of candy still lined the "seasonal shelves" at our Wal*Mart's exit doors.

I had better luck looking for Christmas Tree decorations today at Canadian Tire. The items I saw in the Canadian House & Home Magazine were finally on display and I picked up three or four blown glass ornaments- including a pink 1950's era car with a Christmas Tree tied on top as well as a glass ornament resembling a "Canadian Passport".

Neat!

To accessorise the passport ornament, there was a glass blown "suitcase" with travel stickers on the side from London, Paris, New York and Hawaii.

Well, Tom and I have been to all those exotic places so I had to pick one up. Always room on the tree for one more!

With those ornaments in hand, we headed to the automotive department to find grey-coloured floor mats for the Grand Caravan.

Hint: Do  NOT buy a vehicle with black interior carpeting. It shows every little bit of dirt and crapolla. These new floor mats will hopefully disguise some of the "dirt" carried in to the van and onto the carpet by dirty and puppy paws.

Now, lastly, I have a question for Mr. or Mrs. Canadian Tire.

We headed for the checkouts with our mats and ornaments and there on a shelf- just before the check outs, were BBQ lighters.

You may have a picture in your mind.

Red in colour.

Comfortable handle. Long nose to stick into the BBQ, kindling pile in your wood-burning fireplace or the wick of a candle.

Flick the switch and a small flame lights.

Easy-peasy but not so at Canadian Tire.

Although there were some "ordinary-looking" lighters there were others in the shape of guns.

A Gun....the gift that keeps on killing.



My question. Were these lighters supposed to be cute?

They were not!

It was frightening and WRONG.

It looked out of place.

One lighter was an AK-47. It said so right on the box.

Another looked like a rifle and the third maybe an uzi. I dunno. I don't know my guns.

All were packaged in nice little gun boxes maybe simulating gun racks.

I forget exactly but they were small replicas of firearms.

Both the Mister and I were taken aback by these images of BBQ lighters- replicas of guns that kill.

All the stuff going on in this world of ours today and Canadian Tire feels this is the right product to place on a shelf near the checkouts.

Tiny guns?

I think not and hey, while I am at it, toys guns on toy shelves are wrong too.

So, enjoy your weekend.

Have a peek at Canadian Tire.

Buy an ornament for yourself or a "gun lighter" for the hunter in your family.

Then, remember to re-set your clocks.

Yeah!

More darkness in this dreary November.

ROBBLOG #668

Today a Blog of thank you's....mostly insincere. Some very sincere.

Top of the heap in thanks goes to Kevin spacey.

Thanks Kevin for coming out of the closet and for telling us something we didn't know already years ago. I mean c'mon Kevin.

Really?

No. Really?

I mean really....

"I used tah like that Kevin fellah Blanche. So, he's a big ole Homo these days, eh?"

"Oh Jane...I do believe he always was..."

"Even when he was Bobby Darin?"

"Yes Jane Dear, even then."

"Huh...ya don't say?"

Second thanks also goes to Mr. Spacey for linking homosexuality (being Gay) to being a pedophile.

He was 26 when apparently in a drunken stupor he sashayed into his bedroom where 14 year old Anthony Rapp- not yet a "star" was watching television. Tony had pooped out at the party Kevin was hosting and decided to watch the tube. Anthony by the way, is the red-haired actor from Rent- both on Broadway and in the Movie version.

So hennaway, Kevin- remember he was shit-faced, flung himself on top of Anthony.

Now, if it were me, I'd have to be shitfaced- really shitfaced, plus in a drunken stupor to even want Kevin Spacey to jump my bones. Of course, this 14 year old apparently didn't have the choice to be jumped and humped whether sober or pissed. That's the bad part.

Boy, the Baptists will all be saying-

"Told ya so. Told ya so. Homosexuals and pedophilia."

They'll have a field day!

Of course the Catholics will be saying-

"At least this time, it's NOT us!"

Thanks thirdly to "Just Me" for never letting myself get piss-eyed drunk and jump on anyone. Anyway, like Kevin, I probably wouldn't remember.

That's my story and I am sticking to it- unless there's a book deal involved.

In my dream world, I can imagine being in the same room- or grass hut, as Mr. Hugh Jackman and comfortably numb- thanks to Vodka (thanks number four). I'd let nature take its course...

That's Okay- isn't it? If it's nature doing the deed?

Me being just a little numb and Hugh being a little number than me and taking me- as Pat Hervey sang in the 1960's- to "Heaven For A While".

That's Okay- right?

Hugh. Place a big ~sigh~ here.

A fifth thanks to our builder and his associates who after total delays of 4 and 1/2 months since February of this year, doesn't seem willing to build a huge fire- or fires, under someone's ass- or asses, just to get us into our new house a few days earlier. Now, we are running into the problem of the mover- who has our furniture stored "up island" in Nanaimo, being just too busy at the end of the month of November to move us!

Number of favours we have received from that builder since February 2017?

Bet you were gonna say "six"!!

Nope.

None.

All favours cost money.

Number of thanks we have offered to workers?

Untold.

We even thanked the guy laying our floors today.

"Hey, thanks for doing such a great job on your floors!"- I said.

"They're YOUR Floors!" He says to me smiling.

"Ya butt...if you didn't install OUR floors they wouldn't look this good.

He smiled...

We thanked Jason the Trim Guy- and quietly thanks his biceps, for the beautiful trim work he is doing. Makes the wall colour pop and the finished interior look amazing.

Finally, a true thanks to Islanders who are always aware than one wants to cross the street or is even contemplating crossing when not quite at the crosswalk.

Thanks too for the friendly waves when a fellow driver waves you out of a parking lot into an opening in traffic. It's either fantastic ESP or just good manners.

Island weather remains sunny and warm and I know it sucks if your weather is worse- wherever you live.

H A P P Y     H A L L O W E' E N

ROBBLOG #667 W E E K E N D Edition

A Beautiful Island Weekend.

Warm sunshine. Mid-Teen temps and more. The skies are a brilliant blue and everyone is smiling- including "The Mister" and I.

We saw our new house again yesterday- second day in a row. We had taken a utility sink we had had in storage, over to the house on Thursday for installation. As our interior design gal Joanne said, it was- "A Beehive of Activity"!

It was indeed.

In fact we were so very excited we forgot to take photos, so we returned Friday to do just that.

Jason- the trim guy who has biceps the size of watermelons, was hard at work finishing windows and baseboards. A nice guy and his work looks good.

His "big boys"- ditto. ~grin~

Two fellahs were siding the front of the house- the right side is done. Another worker bee was laying the flooring. We have hardwood floors on the main level and laminate on the lower level. In the kitchen cabinets are installed waiting for appliances and a sink.

Our Kitchen in Island Sunshine

Outside Cam and his Dad- the landscapers, were moving rocks and earth around with one of those little front-end loaders. Our back yard will be fab-you-luss! however, smaller than back in Orillia. Just maybe we'll take possession by the end of November as one part of my brain is already starting to get into Christmas mode. Well, how can I help it? Christmas magazines are at the Wal*Mart checkouts. The Dollar Store is pushing back Hallowe'en décor while stocking ornaments and tinsel

in places where spooky things once hung.

Siding on the front.

Not the final colour which will be Sage Green

A new house means new decorating possibilities and I may be a week or so late decorating our three Xmas trees if our possession is pushed back to November 30th.

It's all good though. Tom and I are being patient. At this point we want a great job done- not just good.

IN OTHER NEWS

One of the Winnipeg Missing and Found Cat Watch Facebook Page contacts- Maili, sent us a message Friday afternoon accompanied by two photos of an orange tabby that just might be our Doyle. She is travelling from her home in La Salle- southwest of Winnipeg over to Headingley/St Francois Xavier- which is the community where the KOA is located. That KOA was where we stayed as we travelled across Canada to The Island. It is also the KOA where Doyle jumped ship on August 17th. The photos are distant but one in particular looks like Doyle. He had this extra pocket of skin and puddy hair that hung down from his stomach. From what we can determine- so does this cat.

I don't like the idea of someone taking the time from their weekend to search for us but if it is Doyle, we'd be on a plane to Winnipeg as soon as we could get a seat and we'd be forever indebted to Maili.

She says she just wants to get Doyle home.

What a gal!

I will keep you posted.

In the meantime have a great weekend.

Could this be our Doyle?

ROBBLOG #666

A "Devil" of a Blog today!


The number "666". That's the Devil's Number.
Good Old Satan.
The Lord of the Underworld.
The Man at the Mouth of the River Styx.
Beelzebub. Lucifer. Emperor of Hell.


So, using my special telephone, I made a call...


DEV: Good Morning, Dev here.


Me: Dev? Is this the Devil? It's Rob from up here on Earth Calling. We have an appointment?


DEV: Oh Robby-Bobby. Been waiting for you my friend?


Me: Friend?


DEV: Of course Friend. What else....oh right. You think just because I'm "The Devil" I got to be a baddie. Not so Robert. I put my pant's on one leg at a time just like everyone else.


Me: That's encouraging. So I should ask- How are you down there? Hot enough for ya?


DEV: Well, that's the first time I've heard that one. Heh. Heh. BUT- Down there? C'mon Rob. You've been reading that Christian Fiction again, haven't you?


Me: Well...Maybe...


DEV: Look Robbie, things are Hunkey Dorey. Like everyone I have good days and bad and by bad I mean some days I feel like I need a holiday but mostly I'm keeping busy. Boy, there sure is a lot of stuff happening around the Universe these days and again- not all of it bad.


Me: No, I suppose not.


DEV: I was just yacking to Henry the other day and he says...


Me: Uh, Henry?


DEV: Oh sorry. Shoulda said God,


Me: You call God- "Henry"?


DEV: Oh sure and he usually calls me "Archie"- like archangel, you know when we go fishing or something like that?


Me: What's that now...You and Hen...I mean God see each other socially? You fish together?


DEV: Oh  C H Reist yes! He is a fisher of men you know. Never lets me forget that. You do know I'm an Angel Rob? Oh, I had a nasty fall a few millennia back but I'm back on my feet these last few thousand years. No, Henry and I have had some great old times...and I do mean "old". Gosh we go back many a year to be sure.

Me giving Henry's Son an iPad for his 2000th Birthday.
The Kid was really surprized!!

Me: Gee, I didn't know. So, what about this 666 number. How did that become associated with you?


DEV: Nothing too deep there Rob, it was an old area code I had on Sturrmidgen.


Me: Sturrmidgen?


DEV: Yes, it's a planet just outside your solar system. Way, way ahead of you earthlings and they LIKE me there. I'm known as ...how should I put it so you'd understand...ummmm... A good-time Charlie?


Me: You're saying we are lagging behind when it comes to other "places" in this huge place we call our existence?


DEV: Leaping Lucifer, you'll always be lurching in the darkness as long as you allow types to rule like that North Korean fellah or Cheezie Face there in The U.S. or even that Harper guy like you had there in your country. What up wit dat?


Me: I honestly don't know sir. I don't know.


DEV: I do know one thing Robbie, I'm just a regular guy trying to make it through life.


Me: Sounds simple. Do you have any special powers? Like, can you move mountains or create havoc or make people go bad or do nasty things.


DEV: Whoa Nellie! You think I'm responsible for all the crap that goes down in your world? Look Robbie Bobby, all that bad stuff? Not my fault. I mean ask "Henry" when you talk to him next time. He'll tell you that all of you there are Earth are responsible for each other. There will always be good and bad. You can't get away from that but me being responsible for a few loose cannons like some of the so called "leaders" you have or have had in your world? No way Hose! That's all your doing. Oh and Communism...what the H E Double Hockey sticks is that all about? The things you guys come up with! Jesus Christ...you know Henry's son? Nice kid but a little "Fay". I mean running around with all those guys swimming and eating and wearing those itchy, white smocks? Anyway, still a nice kid with a lack of great fashion sense. But, Henry should be AND is- proud of him!

Me: You got kids Dev?


DEV: Oh fer sure. Me and Mary Magdalene hooked up oh, what...a thousand or so years ago. Nice gal but she wanted one thing and I wanted another, so we parted- like the Red Sea. By the way, that was me, you know. I know Henry gets the credit but no...it was me. Henry was a little under the weather that day so it's just something I came up with last minute like.


Me: Really? Good one Dev. Look, I have kept you long enough.


DEV: No problem Robbie Boy. I do have a tee off in an hour with Pierre Trudeau and No, he is NOT in Hell!! He's just become an excellent golfer since he passed into the next realm and you know what?


Me: What?


DEV: He's just an all-round nice guy and a great dancer too. I mean you saw that little jig he did behind Liz when she was about to sign your Constitution home- didn't you? I put that music in his head.


Me: You are a good guy. Too bad you've taken the rap all these years.


DEV: Rap? Jeeze I hate that stuff. Should be called 'CRAP". Anyhoo, I have survived. Look. Nice chattin' to you Rob and we'll do it again- before Hell freezes over....That's just a joke, eh?


Me: Yes. Right. Thanks. Bye.

ROBBLOG #665

Final Full week in October Kids and Kidlettes!!

We saw our new house on Saturday afternoon- in the rain and mist.

The painting is done inside- from what we could see, looking through the windows to a less than well-lit interior- that is.

Sure looks like home with those colours!!

The same colours we had in good old Pine Tree House back in Orillia, Ontario. It made me teary and it made me feel like home- at last, even though there isn't one stick of furniture inside.

Kitchen cupboards are piled up in the great room ready for installation, probably this week.

On Saturday, we also met met the "new" neighbours who will be living next door to us. Air Canada Jazz Pilot- Jill and her hubby Tim- who we think works for a beer company.

They are from Woodstock, Ontario.

I know....

Another transplanted Ontarian. Jill and Tim arrived on the Island back in July expecting to be in their new house on the same date as Tom and I- September 29th. Now, their move-in date is Oct 31. They only have summer clothes with them for the most part- just like us.

They are very nice folks.

Yeah!!!

Before windows and doors and an interior paint job

Earlier on the way out the exit of the development, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number but Tom said "Pick it Up".

He thought that maybe it was a call about our puddy- Doyle.

It wasn't.

It was our friends Deb and Warren from back in Orillia

Warren was on the other end of the line and asked me- "Where are you?"

Strange question I thought- "We are just leaving the new house".

Warren asked-" How far is it to where you are staying?"

Strange again I though...

I said- "3 minutes but give us 5 minutes before you call back. Let us get into the house."

We hung up and drove towards our temporary home.

In a few minutes we pulled into the drive.

A second or two after, a car pulled in next to us.

I looked over thinking it was our "land mistress" Donna.

IT WAS DEB AND WARREN!

OMG!!

They came to the island from Ontario and took a chance we'd be home. They had checked into their hotel and then looked for us. They had the Cedar Ave address, yet no house number BUT they knew there were horses along the lane behind us. After the phone call, they waited patiently on the street and watched us drive along Cedar and pull into our drive.

OMG again!!

WE didn't know whether to laugh, cry or pee our pants and me without my Depends on!!!

What a surprize!!

They are on the island for a few days and out west here for a week!

It took some time to process their arrival.

How nice!!

We drove back to our "new" house to give them a quick peek- with flashlights this time! They seemed suitably impressed. Later, the four of us enjoyed a "White Spot" dinner and then Toma nd I let them go back to their hotel to sleep away the jet lag.

Old folks.

Ya gotta love 'em!!

They need their rest!

Sunday, we showed them "Our Island"- the Island we had come to know so far, starting with breakfast in the sunshine, on the Lanai at a Scottish Pub in Maple Bay, overlooking the Pacific and Salt Spring Island.

Photo by Tom

We toured Chemainus and Ladysmith and finally walked along the ocean-front board walk in Parksville. Mountains, palms, clouds, steep hills, more mountains and ocean.

Lots of ocean and a few frolicking Sea Otters too.

It was a perfect day!

Maple Bay October 22, 2017

Starting tomorrow- if the weather forecast holds, it is to be sunny every day through the next week and a half!!

Like Santa Claus- If only you can believe.

ROBBLOG #664 W E E K E N D Edition

Another week gone bye...and here we sit.

Not that where my Husband and I are living here on Vancouver Island in Canada's most western province isn't fairly comfortable but if I had a wagon, a horse and wore a bandana on my head, I'd sing a gypsy tune, cast a dark spell and place a curse on Patrick Brown's enormous nose.

Yup, I now know what a gypsy lifestyle is all about.

It entails travelling across the country from place to place. Camping here and there. Shopping at tiny Wal-Marts in places like Dryden. ~bletch~

We've been living in a vacuum (that's my Cousin Jude's term) these past 60 some days and we still have just short of 30 days to go before we take possession of our new home that we are calling "Palm Villa".

Cute eh?

Palm Villa. That's what we're calling the new place.

Well, after Pine Tree House where else could we go with a name? You build a new place. Plant a palm tree- or two, a yucca plant and a laurel hedge and presto chango- "Palm Villa".

Now you might be saying out loud-

"Rob, how can you even think to plant a tropical palm in November or December even?"

Because I can. The Island offers that opportunity.

"Opportunity?" you say...

For instance, when you go to Canadian Tire here in Duncan or a local garden centre such as Dinter Nursery, you'll find the greenhouse is still open and plants are thriving.

Japanese Maples. Yuccas. English Laurel. Portuguese Laurel and a bunch of plants that grow year-round and stay green too- year round! Plants such as Heather, Wintergreen, Bamboo, Rhododendrons and Holly.

But enough about Island greenery.

You have to have land in order to plant any of the plants I mentioned above and that is something we lack- for now- but in a month or two we'll laugh at our present situation...

We will....won't we?

Now, some of you back in Ontario have been telling me that your temperatures are still on the nice side and your days are filled with warmth and gentle autumn sunshine.

Enjoy it.

I know and you know it won't last.

Your temperatures will soon start to plummet. Snowflakes will fill the air. Ice will cover your car windshields and slush will get tracked in on your new hall rug.

Whereas here- on the Island in the Cowichan Valley, our temperatures will moderate and pretty much stay on the mild side throughout the coming months.

Would this be a good time to mention we not only have green grass in January and February but we have to cut it as well?

Oh Dear.

Now I've gone too far, haven't I....

So, as I said off the top of this ROBBLOG, another week has gone by and we sit with dreams of sugarplums- or at the very least new flooring and a cozy fireplace, dancing in our heads.