ROBBLOG #484

 

On Bleeker Street with Blanche and Jane

 

The Gals were in Paris for a month but now they’re back on Bleeker Street refined and bi-lingual- well almost. Let’s see what happy Hi-Jinks Blanche and Jane find themselves in this time…

 

Blanche: Bonjour Ma Cherie. Sa Va bien? 

 

Jane: ~puff~drag~puff~ What the *&^% is that supposed to mean? Have you been drinking? 

 

Blanche: Oh Jane Dear ~hah, hah~ did you learn nothing in the City of Light? 

 

Jane: Sure I did! ~puff~ I learned if you’re a man you can piss anywhere on the street! 

 

Blanche: Now Jane. You know very well no man pee’d on the street in front of us! 

 

Jane: Yah but...How ‘bout behind us!! ~puff~cackle~puff~ 

 

Blanche: Jane! That man was drunk and he had no idea what he was doing! 

 

Jane: He certainly did Blanche. He pulled out his thingy and let loose on that shop fenetre! Hee! 

 

Blanche: …and you think that’s remarkably hilarious- do you? 

 

Jane: Ho. Hee-Hee. Ho! ~drag~puff~ Mais Qui!! 

 

Blanche: Well it seems you got something out of the trip after all. That’s a marvellous accent. 

 

Jane: Yah! I picked it up from a sailor in the 19^th Arrondissement! Now that was a French Kiss! 

 

Blanche: Jane! Your tongue will dry up and fall off one of these days with talk like that! 

 

Jane: Hah Hah! Maybe so but I have a great Parisian memory all the same. Hey! 

 

Blanche: Yes Jane Dear? 

 

Jane: Let’s go down to that Frenchie Restaurant on 5^th Street. Maybe I’ll get me another sailor. 

 

Blanche: All you’ll get is a dose of the “you know what’s” if you don’t change your ways! 

 

Jane: ~puff~ puff~ Party-Pooper! Now get your “wheels” in gear . I’ll call a cab! 

 

Blanche: Oh Jane. If only I wasn’t in this stupid wheelchair! 

 

Jane: But ya are Blanche! But. You. Are!! ~puff~

 

ROBBLOG #483

It’s the Time of the Season.

The Trudeau season.

 

Justin Trudeau

It’s a new beginning.

A time to start fresh.

A time to reap.

A time to sow.

A time for fairness.

For love.

A time for more than Chinese Panda Bears and pandering.

A time to easy back on fuelling the machines of war-

Guns, fighter jets and more.

 

The weeping is through.

Let’s gently boot Mr. Harper from Parliament Hill once and for all- along with his right-wing, Conservative, labour busting cronies.

 

Let’s thank him for his attempt at Canadianism but some just can’t get it right.

Their Canada is a Canada of the rich not a Canada for one and all.

Their Canada is for what they believe to be “normal” Canadians.

Ask Bruce Stanton what he believes is “normal” and fair.

It certainly isn’t rights for transsexuals.

He voted no for trans people as he did for Gay Marriage when fellow Tories opened that Pandora’s box once again- even though it was the law of the land, just to see if a crack of light was shining through.

Thank goodness it wasn’t.

Ding Dong the right is crumbling and there’s nothing wrong with that.

 

Still some time to go before another federal contest.

Maybe greater things will come to be.

Maybe the opposition parties will wake up and join together.

One huge, colossal party working for the benefit of the individual.

For Canadians, keeping our Canada Strong and Free.

 

It could happen once again.

Let’s not put all our ducks in a row just yet but rather think, live and breathe

good thoughts.

The road to the future can be golden.

Our gleaming light is Justin Trudeau.

It’s the best we have now since Jack has gone to greater things in the next plane of our existence.

 

The right already is attacking with American Style ads.

Could we have expected anything less from them?

The Stars and Stripes would be flapping briskly in the wind at the top of the Peace Tower if we gave them a rope- long enough.

 

When will Canadians wake up and dispel their damning unfairness.

The crassness.

The un-Canadianness.

The libel encased in their broadcast fodder.

 

People…you are better than this.

Did you hear?

You are better than this and yet we forgive you for your narrow views and unwelcoming texture.

 

Take heart fellow Canadians.

A new dawn is near.

It’s time. It’s season. It’s reality.

It’s right there on the horizon waiting for each and every one of us.

 

 

 

ROBBLOG #482

Just when we thought our main worry was the Conservatives and the religious right, along comes sink holes. 

These huge, gaping holes that possibly lead to the underworld are gobbling up real estate faster than RBC is gobbling up foreign workers only to throw Canadian workers out onto the street- their own personal sink hole. 

Cars, houses and towering buildings are not immune. These holes go down deep. The Baptists are worried that the end of the world is nigh. I am sure they’ll find something somewhere that will link sink holes to the Devil. Perhaps in the Bible. These verses may help: 

“And thou shalt tumble and fall through and into the bowels of the earth and be consumed by the devil and his angels” Leviathon 2:14 

or 

“…and the Lord looketh down upon Sultania and saw that the people did carouse and defy the Lord God Almighty both day and night. And the Lord was saddened and caused a hole of the greatest sink to devour those who didst laugh and whole-heartedly ignore his commandments. The next day the Lord rested with a cup overflowing with Maxwell of the House of Neandrethal saying to his flock- this that I doest, I doest well and would doest once againeth if my flock fucketh upeth and ignoreth me- the great and powerful Oz…I mean God.” Dueontome 5:12 

“And it was so… and so sink holes came and went and caused huge gaping recesses in both the earth and God’s heart- who always kept man’s heart- and testicles, close to his.” Dueontome 5:13 

 

So, sink holes are here to stay. Shale rock under the surface  allows water to flow through and cause earth to move away and form holes of darkness. These sink holes happen in many places- even in Downtown Orillia in front of coffee shops and haircutting places. 

What can we do to prevent them you ask?

Not much. If there’s a sink hole under your house- you’re sunk.

If you’re lucky enough to know this ahead of time, sell now and remember buyer beware.

 

Just get your dough first. 

“.. and so it went and Saul of Tarzaneth didst see the hole of sink in his night sweats and straightforth picketh up his clothing from his bedchamber and butter churn from his shed and wine flask- fashioned from the entrails of his neighbour’s goat, from his shelf and didst forthrightly depart from his home. And it came to pass he spent days wandering lost in the parking lot at Target, hoping to find the place wherein he parketh his donkey cart .” Exxon 2:17

 

** A D V E R T I S E M E N T**

 

 

 

The Garage Door Players' 10th Anniversary!

ROBBLOG #481

Some of my Favourite Things

 

I’m making a point in this blog and keeping it to the point-

Point Form. Here’s a list of some of my favourite things. Not in any particular order.

 

- the icemaker on my Sears Kenmore. Crushed or cubes. Great for Martinis!

 

- going somewhere where there are Palm Trees, a beach and an ocean

 

 - my Montana Van. Almost a decade old. She’s still in great shape and she handles like a new  

   vehicle.

 

- sunshine

 

- assholes who get their come-uppance

 

- rights for Transsexuals in Canada

 

- Olivia Chow

 

- Humanists

 

- Men

 

 

 

- 3 girls who came from the Brewster Projects in Detroit

 

- milk chocolate

 

- my online radio stations

 

- pumpkin pie

 

- acting

 

- riding my bicycle

 

- “boy” watching

 

- My Dogs- Kiki and Missy and Cats- Dickens and Doyle

 

- concerts

 

-“live” shows- Broadway or otherwise

 

- My wonderful husband with who I share 28 years on April 4^th. The last 6 legally married.

 

ROBBLOG #480

Back…on Bleeker Street

 

Jane: ~puff, puff~ Christ Blanche! Ain’t it good to be back home? No more piss on the street! Paris. The City of Light and Pee! Pee-You! ~puff~

 

Blanche: Language Jane and so early in the morning and when did you see urine on the street in Gay Paree?

 

Jane: Maybe I didn’t see it Sistah Dear but I sure as hell smelled it!

 

Blanche: Well I should think you’d have a better memory of Paris than that.

 

Jane: Sure the red wine was real good and those waiter boys snobby but pretty. ~puff~

 

Blanche: Well that’s something I suppose. I loved that little dress shoppe. What was it called?

 

Jane: ~puff, drag, puff~ La Fuckin’ Expensive? That one?

 

 

 

Blanche: ~laughs~ Oh Jane Dear stop it. It had a lovely name Bon Mots or something.

 

Jane: ~drag~ You know Blanche, next time we go to Europe, France we should hit Amsterdam.

 

Blanche: Whatever for?

 

Jane: The canals and those gondolas. Oh and the hairy men paddling them.

 

Blanche: Jane Dear. You’re thinking of Venice?

 

Jane: I am? Huh. What about going to Rome then and watch a bullfight? ~drag, puff~

 

Blanche: Oh hah, hah! Jane love, you’re thinking of Spain. Rome has the Coliseum.

 

Jane: It does? Shit! I am confused now…

 

Blanche: Here Jane Dear, read these.

 

Jane: ~puff, puff~ Whatzat?

 

Blanche: A book on geography and an atlas!

 

ROBLOG #479

Antony Starr…where have you been hiding?

 

The other evening, I read about a new show called “Banshee”.

Same creator as True Blood- Alan Ball. So, I checked the sked and found it was on

HBO Canada.

Seven or eight episodes stockpiled.

I sat down and started to watch.

I knew it would be a little weird. A little bit bloody. There’d be good guys and bad guys and probably hunky men.

Right. Right. Right and Right!

 

Antony Starr you little hairy-chested stud. Where have you been hiding?

Brooding. Tanned. A six-pack- and I don’t mean beer, plus a neatly trimmed chest of wiry, dark brown hair that is one of the most pleasant sights I have had the fortune to gaze upon recently.

 

 

 

Apologies to Hugh Jackman.

Now Hugh, you need to know Honey- you are on a different level altogether.

You’re in my top five with Mark Tewksbury, Paul Rudd, Alexander Despatie and recent addition Drake Jensen- Woof!!

 

As for Antony, chin up- and I’ve seen you do that, you may be a new addition to the list soon.

 

Banshee starts out fast.

I’m thinking it might be a Gothic Horror piece what with the name but no the series starts with a New York City car chase.

Exciting if you like that stuff but I was close to turning it off.

Minutes later we move to Banshee- somewhere in Pennsylvania. It’s like Kitchener-Waterloo without the guns and with a bunch of Mennonites- Amish as they are called down there.

 

It didn’t take long before Antony, I’ll call him Tony, pulled his tight Tee right up over his furry body.

Yikes!

I think I screamed out loud!

In a later episode his little butt cheeks are fully naked, jiggling nicely as he pile drives a Mennonite “friend” up against a brick wall. Don’t get too excited here boys. You have to block out the image of the Mennonite Chick on the receiving end.

Now if I was Alan Ball, that scene would have had an entirely different flavour- if you get what I mean.

Tony’s eyes are dreamy and his cute little mouth and sultry lips a real come-on.

 

Oh!

You want story bits.

Well he …
 

Could be a ***SPOILER*** here so you may want to stop reading this next paragraph.
 

He has been in prison 15 years, so I am sure he is no stranger to mano-a-mano fooling around which makes it kinda silly when he takes out all his sexual aggression on the womenfolk.

I mean really. Fresh out of jail and he forgets all of a sudden that he had more boyfriends than he could shake his dick at!

This comment is not a spoiler. The writers do not intimate that Tony’s been intimate with anyone.

It’s just a dream and really- 15 years in prison and not skin-to-skin company?

Pull- Leeeease!

 

 

 

So, Tony comes to Banshee and takes on the name of the departed sheriff- Lucas Hood, who was killed in the first half hour of episode one.

How fortunate for Banshee.

From there we learn who’s a good guy, who’s the bad guy and what went on between Lucas and the female lead before prison interrupted his life 15 year ago.

By the way he must have been thrown in prison while still a young man- a studly young man

I’d guess, unless the muscles and six pack come from lonely days and nights in the slammer, where I’m sure he slammed more than his powerful fists upon a table or two.

 

***End of SPOILER***

 

There’s a ton of other stuff too but you’ll have to start at the beginning.

It’s worth it. This man has his shirt off a generous amount and that feeds very nicely into what I would hazard to be a large “Gay Male” audience.

Almost forgot.

There’s a lovable Transvestite character- Hoon Lee, who plays a hair stylist cum computer hacker who is of great help to Sheriff Hood. He really has some terribly funny lines too.

The comic relief!

 

Be prepared for bones to be crushed and the blood to flow. I might suggest to Mr. Ball to ask the writers to have Alexander Skarsard (Eric in True Blood) drop on by for clean-up operations. Fans just love it when characters cross over. This would be the perfect opportunity. Something like Lisa Douglas (Eva Gabor) did on our TV screens when Green Acres, Petticoat Junction and the Beverly Hillbillies all were part of our weekly television fare.

 

So kids, grab hold of your guns and rev up your blood-lust for “Banshee”. I am guessing by the end of the first season things are not going well for Tony- I mean Sheriff Hood, as evidenced by the picture below.

 

 

 

Nice gratuitous chest shot, however.

Ya got love that!