Wednesday, June 6, 2012



That’s the number of times that someone says “no” in one day-
in Orillia. Here are five of them…

“Mum- can I go to Billy’s place?”
“No. Billy is funny and I don’t want you around him.”
“Funny? How so, Mum? ”
“You know very well how so! Billy’s a little faggot and I don’t need him trying to sodomize you!”
“No!!! and that’s final!”

“John, you know that you can’t have sex with your fiancé until you are married?
“Oh, come on now Father Peter!”
“The answer is no John. You and Miriam cannot have intercourse until you are married.”
“So you’re telling me I can only pleasure myself Father?”
“No. You can’t do that either John. You’ll burn in the fires of Hell if you touch that cock of yours!”
“That’s just Shit!”
“No. That’s a sin”

“I tried this on and it doesn’t fit. I would like to return it please.”
“No you cannot return this garment?”
“Why not?”
“Why not?? Because it’s underwear, sir. An undergarment cannot be returned.”
“What? That’s stupid. What about socks?”
“Perhaps, if the swimwear was tried on- with an undergarment.”
“How do you know when someone goes into that change room over there that they leave their underwear on or an even more dubious situation- if they take the Speedos home and try them on there- without underwear?”
“Sir, we have to believe that the customer wore the proper apparel beneath the swim suit.”
“Well then…I had underwear on when I wore this garment.”
“You. Did. Not. “
“How would you know?”
“There are skid marks on the crotch.”
“Look. Skid marks on the crotch. You have worn this underwear Sir.”
‘Well, it seems it’s your word against mine.”
“Yes and my word is no! Now take your soiled undergarment and be gone. Good Day Sir!”
“Good day for you perhaps but not for me.”

“Stay for a hamburger, will you?”
“I appreciate the invitation but no. No thank you.”
“Nothing personal. I’m a Vegan.”
“I thought you were Polish.”
“No, I am not Polish. I just don’t eat meat. I am a Vegan.”
“I see. I didn’t know that. Do you eat chicken?”
“No. Not even chicken.”
“Tofu is not meat but yes I do eat Tofu now and then. Do you?”
“Me? No! Never! I am a true meat-eater.”
“A personal choice?”
“No. I don’t think so. I just like meat.“
“I won’t force you to eat Tofu then.”
“That’s good.”
“No, things like food shouldn’t be forced on people. It should just be a personal decision. Like kids and religion, kids have to be carefully taught and if they are taught early enough they don’t have a chance to think any other way.”
“So, Vegans are religious?”
“Some are. Some are not.”
“I have to go now. Bye.”
“Next time, I’ll have Tofu burgers.”

“Mommy, can I have an ice cream cone?
“It’ll spoil your dinner.”