Thursday, March 3, 2011


My God- the Pope has made a statement- again.

He has told the whole world that Jews are not responsible for the eath of Christ. Oh well, that makes everything all right then- doesn’t it?

Yup, the Pope who is about to release his next book on Christ after a riveting first volume on Jesus as a kid, has said- “sorry, if we’ve been a bit of a pain these past centuries but hey, we are only human- well most of you anyway- and we are really, really deeply ashamed if we’ve caused you- those of the Jewish Faith, any harm or ill-will. We’ll even beat our genuflecting asses raw with a wet noodle if that will make you feel any better.

Well, okay.
That makes it just hunkey-dorey doesn’t it?
That ought to put an end to anti-semetism once and for all.
Thank you Pope!
Thank you very much.

Good Gosh, its taken God and his Heavenly son ,Jesus, a long time to sift through the evidence on their huge desk in their huge Heavenly office- on level three of course, to come to this realization. I would presume having all those handsome, half-naked, muscular men-angels working for them is just a bit of a temptation. It probably slows the work down just a tad what with lunches and parties and such.
Well, you’ve seen mad men…
Although with Christ actually being there in person when this persecution happened down here on earth, one would think that this whole fuck-up could have been straightened up much earlier.

The Pope havin' a "nosh" with one of the faithful
 I know things must get pretty hectic in Heaven what with deciding who should die and who should live. Who should win 50 million dollars and who shouldn’t. What country deserves divine light showered upon its people and what country should be treated like so much dirt beneath God’s feet.
No, I am not suggesting any country. You figure it out.

On another matter, for I have always wondered, did Jesus convert to Christianity when he flew back to Heaven or is he still a Jew?
What about his Mum?
We know Dad is “omnipresent” so that probably excludes him from being anything but God.
Wouldn’t want to piss off the Muslims, would we?

However, I wonder what those that lived here on earth before ascending to Heaven decided, once they arrived at the Pearly Gates. Of course, I am quite certain that many of them just got a green pass and didn’t have to stop at security like the rest of the world’s millions. I can see the signs at the Gates-

Jesus and the Holy Family please pass through under the sign marked “Special Priviledges”.

Christians form line here.
Jews line up here.
Those who aren’t sure form a line here.
Those wanting to return to Earth immediately line up here and have your passport ready for presentation to the Angel.
Those in wheelchairs or needing other types of assistance, please wait until an Angel Agent is available to assist you.
Finally, Atheists please take the elevator on your right and press basement level.

The Pope doesn’t say how he received this message from God that the Jews aren’t at fault. Maybe a phone call at 3 a.m. Maybe a telepathic message. Maybe he just made it up because it was a slow day at the Vatican.
Who knows?
Maybe he just wanted to sell a book or two. He might even sit down with Peter Mansbridge- One on One, just to promote the Hell out of his new book.

So, if you’re Jewish, take heart that you have been forgiven by the only true church on the face of the earth. All others pale in comparison both faith-wise and money-wise.
You see, that’s the way God likes it.

The Catholics bought the rights years ago.