Tuesday, May 3, 2011

ROBBLOG # 260


Well Good Lord! It’s always something!

First Harper gets a majority- or does he, really...
Now Jesus Christ is coming back to earth on Saturday May 21, 2011. Don’t believe me?
Just Google "Jesus May 21 2011" and you’ll see.

You can also check out the huge billboard just on the north side of the Jake Gaudaur Bridge at Atherley. Yes, the billboard is on one side of Hwy 12 while people- sinners in all probability, line up at the drive through for their Timmies.
Oh the inhumanity of it all.

So today, let me help you with a couple of things friends. First of all the Federal Election.

I did some research on the internet. You’ve seen the numbers for the various parties. You know that Duceppe is gone and Ignatieff is toast.
Burnt toast.
I feel bad for the guy. He was almost crying. Dirty bast...Never mind.
All right. If you’re a Conservative, stop wringing your hands while laughing in a low guttural tone with saliva running down the side of your chin onto the ground beneath.
Nyaaa Hahh Hahh.
We all get it.
You’re happy.
You are full of Glee.
Possibly you are full of something else but listen, just as you thought things were looking up some religious fanatic in Tennessee- are you surprised, tells us Christ is coming and the Rapture in a couple of weeks on May 21st followed by the end of the world.
There goes the weekend.
Shit. Just when you thought things were looking up- eh?

Jack Layton Leader of the Opposition

He’s what I discovered about the election.

The Conservative and New Democratic parties are be over-represented in Parliament thanks to a voting system that cheats Canadians, according to an analysis by Fair Vote Canada. This group advocates replacing the current “first-past-the-post system” with one that awards seats in numbers closer to the popular vote. They have just released figures showing the National outcome if we had this more fair, more democratic “popular” vote system here in Canada.
The results as we saw them on election day were:
Conservative: 167
NDP: 102
Liberal: 34
Bloc Quebecois: 4
Green: 1

However, using proportional representation, Prime Minister Stephen Harper would have won a minority government with these seat totals:
Conservative: 122
NDP: 95
Liberal: 59
Bloc Quebecois: 19
Green: 13

Whaaaaaat you say?
The Cons would be the last to tell you but federally they received only two percent more votes than they did in the 2008 election. However, this time they gained they gained 24 seats.
Bronwen Bruch of Fair Vote Canada says that while Stephen Harper says the totals are an endorsement of the Harper Government in reality it’s a rip off!! Harper won his majority winning 54.22 percent of the seats. He only had 39.62 percent of the votes.
Makes it sound pretty illegitimate- doesn’t it?
Brunch says it’s one of the least legitimate as far as majorities go in Canadian History.
Even Jack Layton’s NDP who has supported adopting a proportional representation system in the past is over-represented by 7 seats. So there. You can read more online. Search “The Tyee”. If you have been feeling in a bit of a “blue” funk this should make you feel better and at least support the Proportional Representation System.


Now about Jesus Christ. Maybe if you are making plans for Victoria Day Monday, you should hold off for a bit. You see Christ is coming back to earth on the Saturday of the Victoria Day weekend.
I know. I know. It’s like a houseguest announcing himself a day or so before you’re ready.
I mean you haven’t even dusted the guest room.
Oh, while you’re at it if you’re planning on seeing Billy Elliot in Toronto, better see the show before the 21st!

A Billboard like this, is on Hwy 12 at the Narrows
 Now, not only does a fellah by the name of Harold Camping and this group Family Radio fully believe that the Rapture (if you don’t know what the Rapture is Google it) is imminent, they also say this whole thing stretches out until October when the world will end- for sure.
Definitely.
Probably.
We’re pretty sure.
Likely.
We believe so.
Look, it’s true…

Now, someone told me a while ago that their particular church doesn’t believe in the “Rapture” anymore. Kind of “old news” I suppose. Hmmm. Once again. mere mortals- Christians, changing Biblical references to suit themselves.
So, I am just the messenger here.

The end of the world is nigh and for Christ’s sake don’t make any huge plans for Saturday May 21st, for the Lord will arrive in a blast of trumpets from the Heavenly Hosts and a puff of smoke- red and blue I would guess. There will be Thunder and lightening that will, well…light up the world from East to West. Look if you don’t believe me, ask your Minister or at least text the Pope.
No.
I mean the real Pope. Not Stephen Harper.

Now then Kiddies, thus endeth the lesson for today.
Aren’t you glad you came?

1 comment:

  1. Hey Rob, do you know if the Lord is arriving with a blast of trumpets at the billboard or is he planning on driving up from the city? Does he know its the May 24 weekend? Maybe he does and he's already loading up the SUV with the kids and the golden retrievers. Maybe he's not stopping at the billboard, just the Country Produce for some of those giant marshmallows then straight up to Muskoka! Truly then it is shaping up to be a battle between Heaven and Hell because while I'm sure that staying in some swanky McMansion in Muskoka is a slice of Heaven the 400 is truly Hell. Hope the good people that put up the billboard gave him a heads up on the traffic or they may be waiting for their second coming longer than they thought!

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