ROBBLOG # 178

I know God blesses Canada. It says so right in our national anthem. According to the Anthem’s lyrics-“God Keep our Land Glorious and Free”.

It'sA plea of sorts from the small folk down on earth up to one big Mother in Heaven.
However, she also blesses the United States.

Is also seems she loves the entire planet.
I know you’re saying –“God’s a woman?”
Well you have your faith.
I have mine.

Now this assurance of love from a “superior being”- no, not Stephen Harper, comes from a “God-fearing, bible-thumping” American- John Shimkus, who wants to head some political committee in the U.S. that….that….well, it does something or other but for the most part it will bring “God” back to American ideals of Conservatism that liberal-minded Americans have taken away from the rest of the country.
Hmmm. How can I make this easier? Where's Julie Andrews when I need her?

Oh yes.
Doe Rei Mei what Harper has already done to this country including losing that post at the United Nations.

Now, I hate to point to the religious right again but really folks, you all can be a bit Neanderthal at times. This is 2010 after all. There are certain items on our check list that we are certain about.
I hear you.
You have to have faith.
Damn. That faith argument always rears its ugly head. There is just no possible answer to that.
You either have faith of you don’t- as I have said in other blogs.

Speaking of this word “faith”, John Shimkus has it- and he quotes it too, in spades!
He is telling Americans to have no fear. God will not destroy the earth. He notes that God told Noah in Genesis 8 :21-22:

“Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though all inclinations of his heart are evil from childhood and never again will I destroy all living creatures as I have done. “As long as the earth endures, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, will never cease.”

John says he believes those words are the infallible word of God and that’s just the way it is so tough beans.
He also mentions the Book of Mathew in the New Testament. Mathew 24: 32 to be exact-

“and he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call and they will gather his elect from the four winds from one end of the heavens to the other.”

So, it appears we will have music. He doesn’t mention dancing.

So John surmises that our green planet will only come to an end when God says so. Women, eh? They can never make up their minds. Based on that alone, I believe we’ll be here for a long time yet.

He says that even man will not destroy the earth by flood or anything else. John doesn’t mention that Mayan prophecy that says the world will end in 2010 because that’s evil, native, heathen-based muck. Nor does he mention the probability of a meteorite smashing into the globe- at least not over America, where by the way Jesus- according to the Mormons, has already been in Utah and that must be good luck for them at the very least.
Now, those are my words not John’s. I translated his words for you and added the bit about the Mayans and the rocks hurtling through space because John conveniently left them out. He also doesn’t mention that God will protect Americans from terrorists.
That doesn’t appear to be working out too well- so far, does it John.

John is also a big believer in God’s word being-
infallible,
unchanging,
and
perfect!
My, she would be pleased!

I still prefer the day-to-day philosophy that says:
“There’s probably no God, now stop worrying and enjoy your life”.
Sorry Johnnie. Try to have a good day!

ROBBLOG # 177

So the moustache is back.

Yes, this month “guys” (and the occasional gal) are sporting bristle and facial hair- at least they’re trying, in order to raise funds and educate us about prostate cancer.
I’m not sure where the connection is between the prostate and the fur above a fella’s upper lip .

Personally, I have had a moustache since 1971.I shaved it off once for a show. Funny thing being, I had to shave it off in order for a “fake” ‘stache to be glued on. You see, I played twins. One twin had a smooth upper lip.The other a bushy moustache. That was about five years ago.

My moustache has changed over the years. Most dramatically in recent times the blondy-brown colour has been taken over by a lot of grey. It’s kind of a sun-bleached look in the summer but this time of yea,r it just looks grey- even whitish. I really don’t like the colour and it sure as heck show’s a guy’s age.

Back in the 80’s it was dark brown with a bit of lightening happening in the summer months- naturally. Those were the “hairy” days when Tom Selleck’s moustache was as popular as his “hairy” chest- or at least the actor himself. I met “Magnium” in Hawaii- twice. It was certainly a beautiful moustache that topped off a handsome face. Goodness but he was a huge man. He towered over me. He was tanned. He wore a Hawaiian Shirt and tight jeans. His smile was absolutely hypnotizing.
Most of all- he was nice.

Today he’s on a cop show. I haven’t seen it yet. I don’t even know if he sports the famous ‘stache or not. He certainly is just as handsome in his later years. I’ve seen some pictures.

So boys, go for it. Grow those moustaches. Let the chest hair flourish too- stop shaving and waxing.
Perhaps a tidy trim is all that is required.


Let’s have a “hairy” November and do it for prostate cancer.

ROBBLOG # 176

How does this kind of talk pass the censors?

Two U.S. Television programmes I watched recently, referred to shooting someone. One was Cougar Town. The cast had this game where a pretend “finger” gun was pointed to a character’s head, forcing the other character to tell the truth. If the character hesitated the “gun”- actually the thumb of the fake gun, was “cocked”.

I found it chilling. At one point 5 characters held each other “hostage”- like Dirty Harry meets 10 “hand” guns.
Was it funny?
Nope.
If this is the depth that this sow has sunk to, then wrap it up now. It isn’t funny.

In another Comedy show one character warned another to rat on a friend or he says-
“I’ll kill your family”.
Comedy?
I don’t believe so.

This is the same country where the television show Glee during a recent Hallowe’en episode, changed the lyrics from a well-known song from “heavy petting “ to “heavy sweating”, while in the same scene an actress wheeled around the room perched on top of an actor’s crotch who was plumped in the seat of a swivel office chair. The male actor was stripped to the waist!
Who among us hasn’t had this fantasy dream once or twice…
You haven’t?

~ahem~

As they wheeled feverishly about the room, she held on tight using his neck tie-which hung down his naked, hairy chest. I’m not saying the sight of Mathew Morrison stripped to the waist is a bad thing but why was one thing “good” and the other “bad” for impressionable young minds?
I presume it’s that “right” to carry arms thing that is well-embedded into the American psyche.
The Big Meals.
The Flag.
The Right to carry a firearm.

We don’t need to be too smug here in our own country either. Yes, we have the firearms registry but don’t think for a moment that the Harperites wouldn’t be much happier if we all drove around in rusty pick-ups, brandishing our rifles as we flew along dusty roads and traffic-choked highways with barely a tooth in our heads.

A few years ago- before the registry, two neighbours boasted they had put the family black lab to sleep.
One would believe it’s the final act of love a pet owner can perform for a loved member of the family.
It is.
Except- in this case, it was a bullet through the dog’s head in the basement. I don’t know the details and I never want to know.

Yes friends, there are “Rednecks” in our little province of Ontario- not just in rural, Albertie!

Have a great day!

ROBBLOG #175 W E E K E N D Edition

I can’t help it.

I see a bit of snow falling and I think Christmas. I bought two small patio trees- both pre-lit while the storm was storming outside. I actually bought them for ‘A Chatty HANKmuss’ that plays on December 11th and 12th for 4 shows at the Stubley Auditorium. Then- after the shows are finished, one will sit on my side verandah, just outside the dining room’s single French Door. The other will likely sit next to another potted, pre-lit tree on the front verandah.

I love that kind of decorating.
Buy it.
Take it out of the box.
Plug it in.
That’s why I bought a pre-lit indoor three last year.
Take it out of the box, fluff it and plug it in.
The a few boxes or ornaments and voila!

This year I am not sure about the two or three trees I decorate in the house. With two small cats in the house-they’ll be 5 months old on November 19th, I might be taking a chance with valuable, glass ornaments.
I don’t know what to do.
You see, a week ago they broke an antique bowl and pitcher set. It took me a day to get over the loss. What if they break some blown glass ornaments? They can’t be replaced- especially the blown glass Santas and Snowmen.

I had thought about going to the dollar store and buying a bunch of unbreakable, plastic balls- that only appear to be glass, then decorating the trees. It would save the worry of having the glass balls smashed to smithereens if the trees should be tampered with by the felines. It also would give me the opportunity to tell friends- if they are in awe of my tree, that all the decorations are from the dollar store!
I’ve wanted to decorate a tree with all dollar store purchases for a few years now.
Maybe this year I will and save the nice decorations for another year. I could decorate a tree with colourful boxes and ribbons. Another could have all stars and gold ornaments. It would be fun!
Guess I will just have to see what the Dollar Stores offer.

Finally, we are in the midst of interviewing for a new “snow guy” again this year. We go through “Snow Guys” like we do socks. We can’t seem to find one who understands that being our “Snow Guy” means removing the snow from the driveway and walks. Last year we thought we had hired one who understood all the ins and outs of “snow business”.
However, when he last did the drive on the 2nd or 3rd of January, we were non too pleased with his performance. The blade on the snowblower obviously wasn’t low enough and we had to go out and do it all over again, after he left.
We have a paved drive. A “Snow Guy” should scrape the snow off the drive down to the asphalt- shouldn’t he?

Just had another thought. The snow tires are in the shed. Better think about getting them on in the next couple of weeks.

I know this snow is just a teaser to let us all know we still live in Canada, eh?

ROBBLOG# 174

I was wondering…

why do our egos get big at times. Shouldn’t there be a law?

why everyone is so down on Dalton McGuinty and the Ontario Liberals. We elected them with huge majorities twice and now they are dirt beneath our feet?

why the Tories are championing themselves as purse-tighteners when they were the ones that privatized Hydro- didn’t they?

why are they such a good prospect when they have already said they wouldn’t reverse the HST? That makes them better?

why aren’t people more upset with the “ghost” charges on bills like- Office Fees, Service fees, Billing fees etc; etc. Why don’t we go after the companies charging these fees? We get charged the fees on many bills when the company doesn’t even send out a bill and we pay online through our bank’s website. What work do they do?

why some people spell colour- color and programme- program? Then there’s check when it should be cheque.

why winter means snow? Who thought that one up?

why some people wave you through a four way stop and yet they were there long before you arrived at the intersection?

why Heterosexual men prefer football and Gay men prefer The Sound of Music?

why chilli always tastes better when someone else makes it?

why Winners can sell top quality, classic merchandise for less?

why the Orillia Santa Claus Parade Committee bothers to have a Parade Theme when many applicants do what they want- especially those big cement trucks- I mean c’mon. Really?

why people throw cigarette butts on the ground and don’t consider it littering?

why the Toronto Star takes bits of the New York Times and prints it in their pages on Sunday. Wouldn’t it be better to just buy the New York Times?

why those two men- dressed as a Ku Klux Klansmen and his black-faced slave with a rope around his neck, attended a Royal Canadian Legion Hallowe’en Party in Campbellford Ontario and were not stopped at the door?

why MGM Studios had to file for bankruptcy?

…just wondering.

ROBBLOG # 173

If I hear it one more time I am going to spit fireballs!


Or throw up!
Or both!
In the summer of 2009, right here, in the City of Orillia-  There was summer theatre!
I know because I was in one of the four shows for 7 weeks- 6 shows a week.

I don’t know where this hogwash started. What hogwash. What absolute crap!
They says that this “Laugh Out Loud”out-of-town troupe has brought “local summer theatre” back to Orillia?

Again…Hogwash!

That one of the actors- Debbie Collins by name, was quoted in the season brochure as saying she is happy to bring “quality” theatre back to Orillia? How does that make local actors and stage crew feel to hear her say that? It makes me mad and I know many others who feel the same way. How does Mariposa Arts Theatre feel. One of their board of directors sent out a mass e-mail saying:

“Mariposa Arts Theatre will be hosting 2 workshops led by the fabulous Dave Campbell and Tim Webb (of "Laugh Out Loud Productions") the group that brought summer theatre back to Orillia.

I am looking for the summer 2009 brochure for “Sunshine City Theatre”. I know I have it packed away with my M*A*S*H 6000 script and pictures.
I remember going for the M*A*S*H 6000 audition in July in front of:
Sandi Atkinson- the Director
Mary Lou Kempton- The Producer
and
Jo Anne Debreczeni- Stage Manager & Costumes.

I distinctly remember getting a call back, then reading with other cast members and talking about “money”.
That’s correct. It was a professional show and we got paid. It wasn’t “Equity” but neither were 2 of the 4 productions this past summer at the O.H.

I remember working hard singing, dancing and memorizing dialogue for 7 days. I remember the audiences at the Stubley- most of them full with up to 100 theatre-goers. I remember too that maybe- maybe, 6 MAT members came to the M*A*SH Show. Of course, there are those in other theatres companies like MAT that just don’t support other theatrical offerings from other companies too.

During the run at the Stubley, there were days when I was getting into makeup that I watched two and three busloads of theatre-goers pull up to the auditorium to allow passengers to disembark.
I was happily surprised.

Knickers opened the season. I thought was funny and very well done!
The two middle shows were performed at the Studio Theatre at the Opera House.
There must be some kind of a record that could jog a few memories.

I know that the company handed a “hefty” cheque to the backer(s) at season end and they didn’t ask for 42,000 dollars either.

So please, quit telling us that this theatre company that was given 42,000 dollars by City Council a few weeks ago is akin to “Christ returning to earth and performing once again atop the Mount of Olives!”
It’s not.
Quit telling us they are local.
They are not- except for the fact that they perform at the Opera House.
No one in the company actually lives in the City Of Orillia- not even the Stage Manager who just happens to be the President of Mariposa Arts Theatre.

D I N G !!
Now the bell rings!

Others are from Barrie and Gravenhurst- I’m told, like the set designer and a Director.
So please, stop telling us these folks are giving us back what we had.
It never left- although theatre did leave the huge Lightfoot Auditorium but then, others did as well- like Gordon Lightfoot and Rita MacNeil.

Perhaps one day soon, some other theatrical company will set up shop in Orillia- away from the confines of municipal buildings and such hogwash. I am disappointed to say the least- like the time that Bruce Stanton our local MP voted to re-open the Same Sex Marriage debate.
I know.
Another story for another Blogday.

I leave you with this to mull over:

“All theatre is good for all theatre”- author unknown.

That makes it alright I suppose…

Have a good one!

ROBBLOG # 172

I almost didn’t write this blog.

I didn’t have or couldn’t think of something to say.
Anything.
I decided to start with that and see where it takes me.

I think my mind is awfully busy right now.
Day-to-day stuff.
Theatrical stuff.
Directing stuff.
Over-extending myself- again.
Then there’s “just stuff”!

Winter lying ahead in all it’s pristine, white glory, gives me an opportunity to whine and moan although moving headlong into the Holiday Season in a few weeks keeps me occupied. I am already thinking about how I will decorate a tree or two at home. After buying those vintage ornaments I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, I think I’ll choose a few of the real “vintage” ornaments I own already and make that the theme of one tree.

I have to consider the damage that two 4 month old cats can do to a couple of Christmas Trees, so I am wondering about that as well. Maybe I should go to the dollar store. Buy a few dozen cheap, unbreakable “Objets d’Noel” and be done with it.

I am also pondering the theme of this year’s Santa Claus Parade. Yes, the “Swissshmobile” will be in this year’s Santa march again. The theme is “Christmas Around World”. I already had an idea but now this “theme” kicks the Yuletide “piss” out of it.
I will have to give it a bit of thought.
How can I turn my idea around to reflect this “World” theme.
Dress in wooden shoes and a little Dutch dress?
Wear a Hawaiian Shirt and Lei?

Wrap a piece of cloth around my waist and shove a bone through my lower lip?
The jury and the idea machine are still deliberating on that one.
Stay tuned.

There are other “items” clogging my brain right now. I usually come up with new ideas pretty quickly. Note I didn’t say “good ideas”. I said “new” ideas.
The last thing I need now is a fall cold or a loss of voice. That's a new idea I don't need.
I know that cute little bug is making the rounds these days. Three friends have either had it or dealing with it.
Ya got to love this Fall and Winter season- eh?
A cold or flu that sets me on my ass would be a disaster, so I am starting my vitamin regimen and no more kissing hello and goodbye. Only “air kisses” and hugs. Quick hugs and lots of hand washing too and door openings in public places using a napkin or the sleeve of my coat.

Sometimes I wait for someone to come along and use their hands to open the door in question.
That can be a long wait.

Hey.
Look!
I managed to write a blog out of nothing. It’s about nothing just like the old Seinfeld Show.
I ought to be a rich writer.
I deserve it.

Have a nice, pleasant day.