Wednesday, March 13, 2013


So, I was watching the “Holy Chimney” on the roof of the Sistine Chapel.
It was “live”!
I dunno why.
God…well, it could have been Jesus.
Their voices sound so much alike to me.
Anyway, God/Jesus told me to do a Google search at 1405 on Wednesday, so I did and 2 minutes later “Whammo”- White Smoke spurted from the chimney.
Havum Popum!
Now if anyone knows about “spurting”, it’s those Catholic priests- especially when it comes to handsome, well-built altar boys, assistants and all that spurting.
But I digress…
There was lots and lots of white smoke.
Reminded me of the 70’s at the Pow Wow Lounge at the Champlain Hotel.
Aw…those were the days.
Drinkin’ and smokin’ and cursin’ and tomfoolery.
All the while pretending I was “straight”!
What am I nuts?
I hated the 70’s.
So, getting back to my story, God tells me to turn on…
I am kidding.
I did it all by myself!
I just found a “live” cam doing a search on the Net and then sat down to read a magazine.
Two minutes later the smoke begins.
I call my husband.
“Tom- Look at the computer screen!”
He did.
Then I said- “Why are we watching this, it’s everything we don’t like and believe?”
Tom says- “It’s history!”
“Hmmmm.”-  I mumble.
So, all Smoke and Mirrors- more smoke.
Then, there’s the red shoes and white dresses too and of course queerness and lots of homosexuals.
No women mind you.
It’s like watching news from Iran.
Where are all the women at?
Probably cleaning the Vatican’s toilets.
Not all is “rosary” though.
Now, it seems Cardinal Marc “what’s-his-name” from Quebec- who my Stewardess Husband had on an Air Canada flight last fall, has a brother who prefers young girls.
How refreshing!
Yet distressing. When will followers of this faith learn?
One 13 and one 14.
Ya gotta laugh at those Catholics!!
Ya gotta feel sorry for them too.
The bands in the parade before the Pope poked his head out on the balcony, almost seem to
be parading for the Queen.
Maybe they are!
Such Pomp and Circumstance!
The boys are all handsome and nicely dressed in colourful uniforms featuring colourful hose.
Yup. A lot of Pomp and hugging and…
How will most Cardinals celebrate?
Maybe pop over to that Gay Spa- just a few steps from the Vatican, to have a beer or two.
Maybe a laugh and a hug or two.
Maybe some spurting!
I dunno.
I digress…
I’ll pause now. I am waiting to hear a name.
Who’s the “belle of the Ball”?
I await…and as I do though, I wonder- What if they find life on Mars?
Doesn’t that make this whole thing seem even more ridiculous than it is?
This is the 21st Century after all.
If there was a God, wouldn’t he reach down from Heaven and slap a few Catholics around?
Seems like, if I had that “God Power”,   I’d want to do that.
Make an appearance.
Of course, since there isn’t a God, it would never happen but if the Superior Being wanted the publicity and wanted to shove his son back to earth, this would be the media event and the time to do it.
Just announced.
Argentina, in South America Wins.
The Europeans are pissed.
So, it’s Pope Francis.
Don’t know who’s in second place.
May the Force be with You, Frank!

This just in:
Pope Frank is no progressive. He opposes same-sex marriage, abortion and the use of contraceptives!
Nothing has or will change for Catholics.