The Garage Door Players' 10th Anniversary!

ROBBLOG #481

Some of my Favourite Things

 

I’m making a point in this blog and keeping it to the point-

Point Form. Here’s a list of some of my favourite things. Not in any particular order.

 

- the icemaker on my Sears Kenmore. Crushed or cubes. Great for Martinis!

 

- going somewhere where there are Palm Trees, a beach and an ocean

 

 - my Montana Van. Almost a decade old. She’s still in great shape and she handles like a new  

   vehicle.

 

- sunshine

 

- assholes who get their come-uppance

 

- rights for Transsexuals in Canada

 

- Olivia Chow

 

- Humanists

 

- Men

 

 

 

- 3 girls who came from the Brewster Projects in Detroit

 

- milk chocolate

 

- my online radio stations

 

- pumpkin pie

 

- acting

 

- riding my bicycle

 

- “boy” watching

 

- My Dogs- Kiki and Missy and Cats- Dickens and Doyle

 

- concerts

 

-“live” shows- Broadway or otherwise

 

- My wonderful husband with who I share 28 years on April 4^th. The last 6 legally married.

 

ROBBLOG #480

Back…on Bleeker Street

 

Jane: ~puff, puff~ Christ Blanche! Ain’t it good to be back home? No more piss on the street! Paris. The City of Light and Pee! Pee-You! ~puff~

 

Blanche: Language Jane and so early in the morning and when did you see urine on the street in Gay Paree?

 

Jane: Maybe I didn’t see it Sistah Dear but I sure as hell smelled it!

 

Blanche: Well I should think you’d have a better memory of Paris than that.

 

Jane: Sure the red wine was real good and those waiter boys snobby but pretty. ~puff~

 

Blanche: Well that’s something I suppose. I loved that little dress shoppe. What was it called?

 

Jane: ~puff, drag, puff~ La Fuckin’ Expensive? That one?

 

 

 

Blanche: ~laughs~ Oh Jane Dear stop it. It had a lovely name Bon Mots or something.

 

Jane: ~drag~ You know Blanche, next time we go to Europe, France we should hit Amsterdam.

 

Blanche: Whatever for?

 

Jane: The canals and those gondolas. Oh and the hairy men paddling them.

 

Blanche: Jane Dear. You’re thinking of Venice?

 

Jane: I am? Huh. What about going to Rome then and watch a bullfight? ~drag, puff~

 

Blanche: Oh hah, hah! Jane love, you’re thinking of Spain. Rome has the Coliseum.

 

Jane: It does? Shit! I am confused now…

 

Blanche: Here Jane Dear, read these.

 

Jane: ~puff, puff~ Whatzat?

 

Blanche: A book on geography and an atlas!

 

ROBLOG #479

Antony Starr…where have you been hiding?

 

The other evening, I read about a new show called “Banshee”.

Same creator as True Blood- Alan Ball. So, I checked the sked and found it was on

HBO Canada.

Seven or eight episodes stockpiled.

I sat down and started to watch.

I knew it would be a little weird. A little bit bloody. There’d be good guys and bad guys and probably hunky men.

Right. Right. Right and Right!

 

Antony Starr you little hairy-chested stud. Where have you been hiding?

Brooding. Tanned. A six-pack- and I don’t mean beer, plus a neatly trimmed chest of wiry, dark brown hair that is one of the most pleasant sights I have had the fortune to gaze upon recently.

 

 

 

Apologies to Hugh Jackman.

Now Hugh, you need to know Honey- you are on a different level altogether.

You’re in my top five with Mark Tewksbury, Paul Rudd, Alexander Despatie and recent addition Drake Jensen- Woof!!

 

As for Antony, chin up- and I’ve seen you do that, you may be a new addition to the list soon.

 

Banshee starts out fast.

I’m thinking it might be a Gothic Horror piece what with the name but no the series starts with a New York City car chase.

Exciting if you like that stuff but I was close to turning it off.

Minutes later we move to Banshee- somewhere in Pennsylvania. It’s like Kitchener-Waterloo without the guns and with a bunch of Mennonites- Amish as they are called down there.

 

It didn’t take long before Antony, I’ll call him Tony, pulled his tight Tee right up over his furry body.

Yikes!

I think I screamed out loud!

In a later episode his little butt cheeks are fully naked, jiggling nicely as he pile drives a Mennonite “friend” up against a brick wall. Don’t get too excited here boys. You have to block out the image of the Mennonite Chick on the receiving end.

Now if I was Alan Ball, that scene would have had an entirely different flavour- if you get what I mean.

Tony’s eyes are dreamy and his cute little mouth and sultry lips a real come-on.

 

Oh!

You want story bits.

Well he …
 

Could be a ***SPOILER*** here so you may want to stop reading this next paragraph.
 

He has been in prison 15 years, so I am sure he is no stranger to mano-a-mano fooling around which makes it kinda silly when he takes out all his sexual aggression on the womenfolk.

I mean really. Fresh out of jail and he forgets all of a sudden that he had more boyfriends than he could shake his dick at!

This comment is not a spoiler. The writers do not intimate that Tony’s been intimate with anyone.

It’s just a dream and really- 15 years in prison and not skin-to-skin company?

Pull- Leeeease!

 

 

 

So, Tony comes to Banshee and takes on the name of the departed sheriff- Lucas Hood, who was killed in the first half hour of episode one.

How fortunate for Banshee.

From there we learn who’s a good guy, who’s the bad guy and what went on between Lucas and the female lead before prison interrupted his life 15 year ago.

By the way he must have been thrown in prison while still a young man- a studly young man

I’d guess, unless the muscles and six pack come from lonely days and nights in the slammer, where I’m sure he slammed more than his powerful fists upon a table or two.

 

***End of SPOILER***

 

There’s a ton of other stuff too but you’ll have to start at the beginning.

It’s worth it. This man has his shirt off a generous amount and that feeds very nicely into what I would hazard to be a large “Gay Male” audience.

Almost forgot.

There’s a lovable Transvestite character- Hoon Lee, who plays a hair stylist cum computer hacker who is of great help to Sheriff Hood. He really has some terribly funny lines too.

The comic relief!

 

Be prepared for bones to be crushed and the blood to flow. I might suggest to Mr. Ball to ask the writers to have Alexander Skarsard (Eric in True Blood) drop on by for clean-up operations. Fans just love it when characters cross over. This would be the perfect opportunity. Something like Lisa Douglas (Eva Gabor) did on our TV screens when Green Acres, Petticoat Junction and the Beverly Hillbillies all were part of our weekly television fare.

 

So kids, grab hold of your guns and rev up your blood-lust for “Banshee”. I am guessing by the end of the first season things are not going well for Tony- I mean Sheriff Hood, as evidenced by the picture below.

 

 

 

Nice gratuitous chest shot, however.

Ya got love that!

ROBBLOG #478

So, I was watching the “Holy Chimney” on the roof of the Sistine Chapel.

It was “live”!

I dunno why.

 

God…well, it could have been Jesus.

Their voices sound so much alike to me.

Anyway, God/Jesus told me to do a Google search at 1405 on Wednesday, so I did and 2 minutes later “Whammo”- White Smoke spurted from the chimney.

Havum Popum!

Now if anyone knows about “spurting”, it’s those Catholic priests- especially when it comes to handsome, well-built altar boys, assistants and all that spurting.

But I digress…

 

There was lots and lots of white smoke.

Reminded me of the 70’s at the Pow Wow Lounge at the Champlain Hotel.

Aw…those were the days.

Drinkin’ and smokin’ and cursin’ and tomfoolery.

All the while pretending I was “straight”!

What am I nuts?

I hated the 70’s.

 

So, getting back to my story, God tells me to turn on…

 

Wait!

I am kidding.

I did it all by myself!

I just found a “live” cam doing a search on the Net and then sat down to read a magazine.

Two minutes later the smoke begins.

I call my husband.

“Tom- Look at the computer screen!”

He did.

Then I said- “Why are we watching this, it’s everything we don’t like and believe?”

Tom says- “It’s history!”

“Hmmmm.”-  I mumble.

 

So, all Smoke and Mirrors- more smoke.

Then, there’s the red shoes and white dresses too and of course queerness and lots of homosexuals.

No women mind you.

It’s like watching news from Iran.

Where are all the women at?

Probably cleaning the Vatican’s toilets.

 

 

Not all is “rosary” though.

Now, it seems Cardinal Marc “what’s-his-name” from Quebec- who my Stewardess Husband had on an Air Canada flight last fall, has a brother who prefers young girls.

How refreshing!

Yet distressing. When will followers of this faith learn?

One 13 and one 14.

Ya gotta laugh at those Catholics!!

Ya gotta feel sorry for them too.

 

The bands in the parade before the Pope poked his head out on the balcony, almost seem to

be parading for the Queen.

Hmmmm.

Maybe they are!

Such Pomp and Circumstance!

The boys are all handsome and nicely dressed in colourful uniforms featuring colourful hose.

Yup. A lot of Pomp and hugging and…

 

How will most Cardinals celebrate?

Maybe pop over to that Gay Spa- just a few steps from the Vatican, to have a beer or two.

Maybe a laugh and a hug or two.

Maybe some spurting!

I dunno.

 

I digress…

 

I’ll pause now. I am waiting to hear a name.

Who’s the “belle of the Ball”?

 

I await…and as I do though, I wonder- What if they find life on Mars?

Doesn’t that make this whole thing seem even more ridiculous than it is?

This is the 21^st Century after all.

If there was a God, wouldn’t he reach down from Heaven and slap a few Catholics around?

 

Seems like, if I had that “God Power”,   I’d want to do that.

Make an appearance.

Of course, since there isn’t a God, it would never happen but if the Superior Being wanted the publicity and wanted to shove his son back to earth, this would be the media event and the time to do it.

 

Just announced.

Argentina, in South America Wins.

The Europeans are pissed.

So, it’s Pope Francis.

Don’t know who’s in second place.

May the Force be with You, Frank!

STOP THE PRESSES!
This just in:
Pope Frank is no progressive. He opposes same-sex marriage, abortion and the use of contraceptives!
Nothing has or will change for Catholics.

 

 

 

ROBBLOG #477

 

There's a website for Radio Types called "Milkman Unlimited". I dunno why.

It’s at www.milkmanunlimited.com

 

Right now, there's a story on the site about one of our "local" FM stations here in Orillia. They

have won an award from The Chamber of Commerce. Now to be fair, neither Swisssh Radio nor Starlite Radio is a chamber member. Just can't afford the fees at a non-profit operation like this one. However, the article makes some interesting points. I will make some counterpoints.

 

It says in part:

"...thank News Director Jim Birchard for the excellent work in preparing and producing our daily audio magazine “Twin Lakes Today” which spotlights information and topics of concern to the people of the Orillia area. The region’s only local talk show..."

 

Ummmm. Not true. The Morning Show at Night on Swisssh Radio is "local" and "Live"(Thursdays 7PM, Friday 9PM, Saturday 7AM (ET) with Heather Thompson and I and honestly I have never heard of Jim- sorry Jim, if he's such a part of this community. Maybe Jim's never heard of me- or Swisssh, either. Oh, a second show produced weekly in the Swisssh Studios is "In Our Cups Again" with "local" Husband and wife team- Sue and Jeff. Sundays at 11AM and Tuesdays at 8PM (ET).

 

Of course Milkman will not print any story about Swisssh Radio. I know this because a year ago I tried to post a story- with pictures, all about Swisssh Radio’s 5^th Anniversary. I was politely told Swisssh Radio is not "real" radio and Milkman only prints stories about "real" radio. Well, I guess I was told, eh?

 

I suppose all those “local” artists and Independent artists that Sunshine doesn’t play- except maybe on their Mariposa Folk Show, should know that Swisssh Radio and Starlite are not real. The next time I get a personal thank you from one of these artists that my stations play, I’ll have to tell them the truth- that we’re not real. I mean, it’s the fair, correct thing to do. It seems Milkman does, however, print stories about Podcasts like Humble and Fred- which I suppose is more real than Online Radio. I guess...

 

The story goes on:

"...our Community Cruiser reporter Sarah Hewitt has been stellar in live reporting at dozens of local happenings and community events."

Never seen Sarah out and about reporting. I do see a bunch of young folk manning their location tent at events, laughing amongst themselves and generally ignoring to the listening public walking by. Don't remember ever hearing the station playing at one of these events either.

 

Finally, the online article says:

"Bayshore Broadcasting continues to be committed to producing great local radio."

Does that include their midday show being voice tracked out of Collingwood or how they share staffing duties with other Bayshore stations?

This My Dears is the real state of terrestrial radio. Big companies who don’t really give a tiddly-wink for listeners. Cranking out the same music from the same music lists as every other station and peppering the day with voice tracked breaks.

 

Now at Swisssh Radio I don’t have “live” announcers either. I have no budget.

No, I mean no budget!

Zero.

So yes, you will hear some pre-recorded “breaks” on Swisssh Radio- promos for the station really. Starlite on the other hand, has been programmed from the start with no breaks. Just Station ID’s. It’s a music station after all.

 

Anyway, all green-eyed envy aside, congrats Sunshine Radio and continued "local" success from a local, non-real radio station- Swisssh and her sister Starlite.

POSTSCRIPT: Swisssh Radio did win a Chamber of Commerce Award! It was the best "Small Business" Category in the Orillia Santa Claus Parade five years ago. I still have the trophy. Yeah for Swisssh!

 

ROBBLOG #476

What the hell are those Catholics up to now- specifically the Pope.

 

He abdicates?

So wad up wit dat?

There has to be more of a story behind the story.

There are the rumours of him making a deal with the Italian Government because there is some

“Homosexual” stuff that’s being suppressed.

I know.

It’s hard to believe that the Catholic Church would hide stuff from the world isn’t it?

Only kidding!

Well who the hell would be surprized at anything the church hides from its flock.

 

So, take a Gay Catholic man who wants to hide from himself and the world.

To where does he run?

Right into the Catholic priesthood of course.

Now, I am not saying that Mr. Benedict is “light in the ruby slippers” but there is some sort of “Gay Catholic Mafia” thriving in the Vatican.

What the Fuck you say?

 

Of come on!

It’s been hinted at in all the papers. Mostly, online in European Media. Some “Gay Chain of

Command” is controlling what really happens in Vatican City and I’m not just talking fashion and home decorating. I am talking about changes that may lie ahead, now that Benny has stepped down.

So, cool your jets.

God’s representative on earth hasn’t done something like this since Jesus was a choirboy.

It’s all new.

Precedents are being set.

Beef may be back on Friday’s Menu.

 

The Past Pope still gets to wear white- ever the virgin, just not those pointy hats anymore.

Will he step out on the town?

Will he have an espresso at a Gay Café in downtown Rome?

Why not?

If  he wants a trendy coffee or spend an afternoon shoe-shopping- why not?

He’s not dead.

He’s just a former pope.

Of course right now some starving peasant in Mexico or Columbia makes “the most comfortable brown shoes ever” that Ben- reportedly, is only too happy to wear in place of those red slippers.

It’s like coming home. Our friend Dorothy was probably happy to slip back into her rubber boots when she returned home to the farm in Kansas after her whirlwind trip to the “Emerald City”.

However, unlike Dorothy, his “Holy-Mess” still gets to live in the “Emerald City” in Rome.

Although, right now, he’s spending some time at the summer house while his apartment is being re-decorated  back in the city. I wonder who’s doing that?

Chris and Steven?

 

Ben Emeritus- that’s his new name, says he’s going to pray and have a “think” for the rest of his life and here I thought my life was boring as hell.

 

Of course he may have some nice things to look forward to.

Chatelaine and Men’s Fitness magazines will still arrive on time after a change of address card is sent.

He will still have staff- and his rod too!

Maybe there’ll a new pool boy to gaze upon- clad in a tiny Vatican Speedo, for those lazy summer days lingering around the Holy Pool. Remember, this is the Pope that had several stripped-to-the-waist acrobatics tumble and tuck- I said tuck!- for him and the Carninal boys.

 

"Jesus, Mary & Joseph!"

"Holy..uh..Fuck!"

 

Then, he’ll need a young strapping lad to cut his toenails or shave his back.

Ben will need someone to dress him in the morning and help me retire at night.

A Holy Laundry Lad will be on duty to beat the “skid marks” from his poo poo undies- using a blessed rock, down by the banks of the Tiber.

 

What fun will be had by all!

 

Maybe some of the bitches from the Holy Gay Mafia will come by and spend the weekend doing what men do with boys. I mean, the Catholic Priesthood wrote the book on that pastime.

 

So, people let’s not feel too sad. Brighter days are ahead and no, I don’t mean the Catholics will finally treat women with the equality they deserve- oh My Goodness- No!

 

I mean maybe the Holy “C” will finally easy on down the road towards the acceptance of Gays, Abortion, and sexual protection.

 

Stranger things have happened.