Saturday, February 25, 2012


My good friend Dame Clare Voyant sent me an e-mail the other day. As usual, she is spending her winter in Poo Poo Pawi her little private island in the Pacific. I share her news with you.

Well, My Dears, Paradise is all mine here on a little island I own called Poo Poo Pawi where the sunsets are breathtaking and the locals scamper about bare- yet decent. Of course My Dears that may not include Roger My Head Pool Boy and his hubbie Xavier, who have been caught scampering about a few times clothed only in the warm island breezes.
Now Boys will be Boys- won’t they?
I mean really My Dears.
Won’t they? 

Once again, I have gathered my faithful Royal Palais staff together and off we jetted and find ourselves here on Poo Poo Pawi.

Well, Dears, I feel it’s the least your Dame can do for being so fortunate in having such a dedicated staff. Poo Poo Pawi is a little island your Dame has the deed to in the South Pacific. It’s just a hop, skip and a plane ride from Honolulu. Quite handy I must say if we run out of a loaf of bread or carton of eggs or magnum of Vodka. You see My Dears, there is no Metro or Tim Horton’s on Poo Poo Pawi, so we are glad that civilization rests on our doorstep. 

Hedda Lettuce, my best friend is sitting here not far from me, on my favourite beach called Coo Cui Pui, absolutely awash in SPF30. She looks absolutely gorgeous. She really does. Hedda is reading a trashy novel as usual as she reclines under an old date palm. After all that’s what vacations are all about. Resting and doing nothing more stressful than reading a filthy old book. 

My Darling Head Pool Boy, Roger and his Husband Xavier are splashing away in the warm, foamy surf a few metres to my left. Their matching black speedos filled to capacity.
Now, you know what I mean don’t you?
I mean, you really do? Don’t you?
My Dears, it’s like front row seats at a sausage factory.
Tee Hee.
I mean that- Tee Hee, I really do. 

Oh My Dears, sometimes I feel so naughty just sitting here watching the boys play.
Does it get any better than this you ask?
Only when my masseuse, Juan de Cortelles de Primo Gauntchy Robusto massages my tired shoulders-or whatever else he needs to massage every morning on the western facing lanai. Right now Juan is scouting about the island looking for natural herbs to mix into one of his natural, all healthy, all healing recipes that he tirelessly rubs into my back and shoulders.
Now My Dears, I don’t question his methods. I just relish in the results.  

The Royal Hut- as we affectionately call it, is once again this year the centre of all that is good this vacation. The Grand Poo Poo Dining Room that’s open to the air and looks out over the rolling waves of the blue Pacific is being prepared for an island dinner this very evening. Cook tells me she will really outdo herself with fabulous island fare tonight. Although we delight in ringing Pizza Hut in Honolulu and have some tasty fare flown over to Poo Poo Pawi some evenings, tonight will be very special. Food is all important to us Poo Poo Pawians you know. Why even some afternoons, Hedda makes her famous Poo Poo Peanut Butter and Jelly open-faced sandwiches. Oh it’s a very old recipe and I must tell you that Hedda manages quite well. It goes down rather well too with the odd dirty martini or two. 

Later this evening as the South Pacific sun sets on Poo Poo Pawi we will all gather on the beach in front of the Royal Hut and give thanks to the Mother Goddess for our station in life. Roger and Xavier and some island boys will no doubt prance partially unclothed around the fire pit singing old Poo Poo Pawian songs with the musical accompaniment provided by a trio of Ukulele players I have had flown in from Kuai just for this evening. What a grand island time to be had by one and all!     

Did I mention that Roger and Xavier and the “Boys” will be scantily attired at best- in true island fashion.
I did?
Nevermind then.

Now don’t be jealous My Dears.
If you little people had money you would do no less.
I mean that.
I really do My Dears. 

Well, Hedda has just called from the shade of her Date Palm. She wants to take a dip in the ocean and then take a stroll along the beach, so I must be off My Dears.
I really must. 

Until next time from Poo Poo Pawi .
I’ll write again soon and maybe send you a couple of jpeg snaps of the after dinner “Prance”! 

Tah for now!