Thursday, September 9, 2010


Strange and weird things in our world.

There was a story about eating human body parts. Apparently it’s legal in Germany as long as the relatives don’t mind.

“Say Gran, do you mind if my friend Billy here takes a chomp out of your right leg. He’s feeling a bit peckish?”

The story I read said that some restaurants were engaging Doctors to supply them with the main course- again if the family doesn’t mind.
I find that hard to believe.

Here’s a picture.
Take a good slice of human liver. Throw it in a pan with a mess of onions. Cook until lightly browned.
The thought of it actually makes me feel queasy. Seeing a plate of it would make me….
The word “gag” comes to mind.
Thinking about “chowing” down on horse or dog makes me feel the same way.

When I pass little bunnies stretched out on pink Styrofoam dishes wrapped in plastic in the refrigerated section of the supermarket, I tell myself that it’s just a slice of meat that just happens to look like little Peter Rabbit- even though I can plainly see its tiny legs both front and back, frozen in time as it Flopsy was about to hop a hurdle. There’s nothing on the tray above the neck but I get the picture.
How about those cute little piggies that are on display at the CNE every year. The “Farm” exhibit shows the piglets from birth to “this one’s going to market the day after the EX closes!”
Now I “likes” my bacon, sausages and ham but if I lingered too long and really thought that this particular pig would be wrapped in Maple Leaf packaging in a few weeks, I could turn “veggie” in a moment. However, like most “meat-eaters”, I simply think about how sweet those little piglets look in a little pink bunch, snorting and dashing here and there, curly piggy tails-a- wagging. I never once allow my brain to picture them hanging on cold, steel hooks in a refrigerated room.

Susan Boyle- Human?
It’s one thing to eat humans but quite another to upset one. Ms. Boyle was about to sing on some silly “reality” show when Lou Reed told the show’s producers he would not give the approval required allowing Miss Boyle to sing one of his songs.

“Ach, I be needin’ to warble a Luh Reed song ‘cause ‘am Sussie Boyle”

“Like Hell you will”- says a selfish Reed who keeps his own to his own, “what if you fuck it up like Wild 

“Do yuh mean to say I’m “Own me Own” Luh?”

“Yes and you ruined that song too!”

On the other hand, what if Miss Piggy was dying to sing one of Mr. Reed’s compositions?
Or Kermit, for that matter.
Would they be turned down too?

Now, what comes to mind first is why Susan Boyle felt compelled to sing a Lou Reed song in the first place. So the answer was no and in true Susan Boyle fashion- according to what I read, she started to cry. She couldn’t stop- Mr. Reed’s refusal had upset her so much, she drove to the airport and bought herself a ticket home to Great Britain.
Now Girlfriend, that’s a Diva in the making!
The song “Wild Horses” on her first CD release is not one of her finest moments- nor are a couple of other cuts but she’s the “star”- not me and she can sing and record whatever she wants, except, apparently, a Lou Reed song.

The heats been turned down in Florida.
Well, it’s September after all.

You see, that “faithful” man of the cloth from the “Church of the Ascending Dove”- or some name like that, has decided he won’t be toasting marshmallows over a few flaming copies of a religious book on the weekend. This Pastor- who’s belief is such that God and he are like “this”, also thinks his heart’s in the right place.

He knows his wallets in the right place or at least the collection basket, for now he has had his 15 minutes of flame.
I meant “fame”.

But has the hub-bub he created over the past few days worth it?
I mean God created an entire universe in practically the same time.
Was the discontent worth it?
Perhaps he got a call from Oshawa Bin Laden.
A threat is worth a thousand words after all.
See Pastor, being in the book- not the good book, even Oshawa knows how to use 411 on the Internet.

Even that most righteous of all right-leaning Canadians- The Prime Minister, shook a chubby digit at him-

“Stop!” says Steven waggling that index finger in the direction of Florida, “Someone is going to get all fired up over this!”

So, Pastor What’s-Your-Name, I hope you got enough fuel to “fire” a book or at least an appearance on Oprah or Larry King out of this caper.