Tuesday, February 5, 2013


Well My Dears,
That nice, young man Mr. Reid has offered me space in his lovely Blog to tell you a few stories
and bring you up to date with happenings around the Palais and town.
I have so much time on my hands these days- what with not writing a regular missal to you. You would not believe how many friends, servants and cohorts- such as Mr. Reid, who have been suggesting I take some of my past writings- as well as new bits- and shove them into chapters with the intent of publishing a book.Well My Dears, I have been told to shove it on more than one occasion.
My Head Pool Boy- Roger, says his Husband Xavier would be glad to set me up an account with one of those online publishing houses and I’d be away to the races or at least your local bookshop.
Imagine me- an authoress!
Stranger things have happened!
Look My Dears, we have a Lesbian ruling the entire Province of Ontario.
I mean My Dears- that’s progress.
I must say that.
I really must.
Closer to home, we also have another female leading our Culture Department- what is left of it- that is Darling. Oh yes,  on on the Culture topic that delightful Green-belted Mayor of ours says that Culture is just fine and they get their share of “City Coin” like the rest of the needy. That’s good to know.
Now don’t get your tits in a wringer Dears. That’s what artists, actors and cultural types are in Orillia Town- needy. Now, this new gal- although being at the podium cheering section for local cultural happenings, seems to live out of town- perhaps even out of a suitcase. Maybe she already knows she’ll be here “short term” before they push her to the door ar at least transfer her to another city property.
Oh, she’ll be all giggles and charm for the first while, as she sits in her office over at City Centre- once inhabited by the male of the species. Wait until she’s asked to do a coffee run! Yes My Dears, a lady in the midst of the “Old Boys Club” who sooner or later is going to get a rude awakening- much like your Dameness wandering out to the pool at the Palais on a beautiful summer morning, only to see Roger and Xavier doing laps in the pool in the all- together.
Splish splash I can see their ass!
Pardon the vulgar term of reference my Dears.
Asses….now where was I?
Oh yes, I was talking about Culture in this fair town of Mr. Leacock’s scribblings.
Quite frankly, the new gal on the Culture block would probably do better slamming her head into the wall than trying to do something with that department. Take a page out of a storybook and know that you are damned before you begin- the begine or otherwise.
Maybe she can manage her stress levels by mowing a lawn or two on days when she isn’t busy.
Well why shouldn’t  Culture be placed under the same umbrella as the Parks and Rec Boys and Girls? Cultureness is next to Parkness- or something like that!
Oh but My Dear, whatever you do, do not criticize or attempt to make a suggestion or try to have an opinion because they’ll shoot you down in Cultureland. The new “Lady of the Cult” will soon learn this. Someone always has a piece of letterhead ready to script a note that’ll be on file for the rest of time- maybe longer, in the bowels of the City Centre.She may be a strong-willed woman and lucky for her if she is big and bold. Brings to mind Joan Crawford’s best line to the boys at Pepsico:
Don’t Fuck with me Fellas!”
What a broad and a real lady she was to us gals!
I fear I have dabbled at the keys long enough for one day. No need to raise the hairs on the back of City Hall necks- or backs!
My best friend Hedda Lettuce and her Girlfriend/Secretary- Sofonda Cox are due here at the Palais any minute. We take off for Poo Poo Pawi in the next few days.
Palm trees. Island breezes. Men in Speedos.
Does that sound needy?
It is since we “need” to make plans for  two months or more in the South Pacific. As we pick-a-little, talk-a-little, we intend to “drool-a-little” with a Ryan filmfest- Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds. Two Canadian lads who have more culture down their pants than many in Orillia have above the waist.
Rod- our Bartender on Poo Poo Pawai. Banana Martini?
Well, it’s all forfun though- isn’t it, as well as for Culture?
We all do our best to help the needy- although some are more needy than others.
I must say that My Dears.
I really must.
Tah for now.