Friday, April 27, 2012


More Bible Fun

Now, here’s a little tale of Noah before he tried shipbuilding for a living.
First we are told that Noah is a pretty reputable guy.
Genesis 6:9
“These are the records of the generations of Noah. Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his time. Noah walked with God.” 

But then we find that Noah also like to show his penis- to his kids! 
Genesis 9: 21-23
“…and he drank wine and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent…
And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father and told his two brethren without…and Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and went backward and covered the nakedness of their father…and they saw not their father’s nakedness…” 
I wonder how many tries it took- without looking, for Shem and Japeth to fling a blanket
up and over their heads and “tent” their Father’s naked extremity? How did they know they covered it completely if they walked into the tent backwards and left forwards.
Did they go to our own tents and do what their father had done. The Bible doesn’t say.

Now, here’s a rather sordid story of Lot and his two daughters. From Genesis 19: 30 to 36 Imagine this story being  told to a Sunday School Class. 

So, Lot and his two daughters lived in a cave after their Mother took one too many glances over her shoulder at the Gays and Lesbians, Harlots, Ejaculators and Sex Fiends being destroyed- by God, in Sodom. It seemed that God loved to smite his chosen people since he did it quite often with fire,  floods or storms. Anyway, I digress… 
 One day Lot’s oldest daughter said-“Hey, Dad’s old and since we live in this cave with no cable or no men to have sex with and give us children, here’s an idea. Let’s get Dad drunk on wine and sleep with him and have a kid.” 
“Whaaat?” –said the younger daughter.
“C’mom. It’ll be fun!”- said the oldest. 

So, the older daughter slept with her drunken Dad and apparently Lot wasn’t aware of it even though he had a good time. 

The next day as Lot was holding an ice-pack on his balls under a nearby Banyan tree, the girls were sitting around the cave fire chatting. The older girl said to the younger daughter-
“I know. Let’s get Pop drunk again and you can sleep with him this time.”
“Really?” said the younger Lot Daughter, “Wouldn’t that be wrong on so many levels?”
“Oh. Come on. Grow a pair!”- said the older daughter whom we know had already slept with Dad the night before. 

So the gals got Dad drunk again. They told some bawdy jokes. The younger daughter slept with him and Lot was none the wiser.
Nine months later both daughters had sons and Lot was still none the wiser. Look. Let’s examine this closely. There was no other man around the cave and yet his daughters got pregnant and Lot couldn’t figure that out?
Lot was a stupid man- a man who had sex- with his daughter, while he was drunk but still a bit stupid. He must have been a good fuck since elder daughter suggested younger daughter climb on board his erect shaft and give it a try- all in the name of procreating for the human race.

Ya, gotta love God’s thinking, eh? 
The moral.
Keep your penis  tightly sipped in your pants even when you’re drunk.
Thus ended the lesson. 

Plenty more next time, including God having sex with Mary- immaculately, to have Jesus who ultimately slept with his own Mother to conceive himself. Also, if there was Adam and Eve- not Adam and Steve which seems more logical since man was made in the Lord’s image, plus their two sons. How did they have kids to continue the human race unless they had sex with….

Wait for it…