Sometimes, there just aren’t enough hours in a day.
Sometimes, it’s just pure laziness.
Those are my excuses and I’m sticking with them. So, ladies and Gentlemen, in a time of great need, I called Dame Clare to ask if I could re-print a column she wrote a couple of years ago.
She graciously said- yes!
So a combination of laziness, little time- as well as Dame Clare Voyant, allows me to bring you this “encore” column entitled “Up to My Armpits!”
Up To My Armpits
By Dame Clare Voyant
Well my Dears Your Royal Dameness is practically up to her perfectly shaven armpits in Holiday preparations.
I really am My Dears.
Why, there are several trees to be decorated- although my Darling Pool Boy Roger and his “hubbie” Xavier helped me drag my balls out a day or so ago to see just what I have in storage. Well, you know the “Gays” and their “balls”. Everything has to be hung just so.
My Dear’s the Palais Royale-just on the outskirts of town, will absolutely “sparkle” all through the season. From the electronically enhanced front gate to the Chauffer’s quarters we absolutely glow!
Speaking of such, I remember one year my Chauffeur Rudy got the 57 Chevy all oiled and gassed up to take Roger, Xavier, My Best friend Hedda Lettuce and myself tree shopping. Hedda, Rudy and I in the Chevy’s cab while the boys jumped into the back, wrapping their torsos in a couple of Hudson Bay blankies. Rudy cranked up the Christmas tunes and we were good to go!
This is a special tree place My Dears in that little burg called Oro-Medonte that we have driven to these past few years and now it’s all part and Christmas Parcel of our Holiday Traditions. We gathered armloads of fresh branches and a tree or two then headed back towards town. A quick stop at the Canadian Tire for some new LED lights that Rudy said we simply must have My Dears- and we were off to brunch and liquid refreshments.
Now My Dears, I must say when this group of “giddies” gets together all “heck” can break loose. We stopped at a local watering hole as you lovely folks call them, to grab a sandwich and a few beers. We chatted and laughed and talked of how we would decorate the trees.
I believe we were feeling quite happy.
I must say that My Dears.
I really must!
Roger and Xavier broke into song at several points and even encouraged one of the Male servers to sit at the old 88’s and hammer out a Christmas Song or two. It was absolutely delightful and brought me closer to the Holiday Season. Hedda and I sang our own version of the Twelve Days of Christmas however, My Dears, it got pretty naughty towards the 9th, 10th and 11th days. I just couldn’t repeat here the lyrics we sang.
I really couldn’t My Dears.
I just couldn't.
So after we were all “tanked” up, off the 57 Chevy sped to the Palais just on the outskirts of town. We unloaded the boughs and trees into the barn to keep them cool while Roger and Xavier headed to the indoor pool to shimmy into their speedos for a little “heated” dip.
Anyway, later today- present tense, Hedda and I will spread out ever issue of House and Home from the past 20 years on the Drawing Room rug and begin to look for Holiday Decorating ideas.
We’ll have a terrific time. I I really mean that My Dears.
I must toodle now because your Dameness has a date with a loofah sponge and a pedicure artiste. The things we “gals” must do to look presentable and garner that “ Holiday Glow”.
Tah for now!