Sunday, January 23, 2011


Well a new twist to Gay Bashing has arrived on the scene.

In cold, unrelenting January no less- and why not?
It’s 2011.
It’s practically a new decade.

I mean, throwing eggs and shouting “Faggot” is definitely “old school”.
Tom and I put up with that disgrace a couple of years ago already. We have moved on- even though the Orillia Detachment of the Ontario Provincial Police did little to nail the culprits- as far as we know. Yet they appeared to be so helpful for the first few weeks. Then, our case was dropped like a latex condom in a bowl of fresh whipped cream.

We expect a file is still open at the detachment headquarters down there on Peter Street South in Orillia. The file is probably stamped on the front in big red letters:

“A Queer One!”

Now, it’s come to light that the kids of today have taken up a new hobby, a new curve shall I say, to the tried and true traditional ways of going about bashing Gays.
The old tried and true ways still stand. A little tired and worn but they have worked well in the past.
Egg throwing, as I mentioned above, can still be an immensely popular choice.
Messy and cheap. Keeps the Gays busy for hours cleaning up the mess.
Hah! What fun!

There’s the perennial favourite- shouting out “faggot” or “queer” from a moving vehicle. However, on a busy sidewalk a homophobe does have difficulty knowing if his insults reached the ears of the intended victim. There’s always the chance the “Faggy outburst” falls on a person less worthy!

Then, of course, a choice of not only friendly homophobes everywhere but that American Baptist Church as well, that shows up wherever they can- except here in Canada where they are not welcome, with their placards of hate and intolerance.

However, this new way comes straight from television where all great ideas are born- except for those born of the Harper Government.
Wait, that is so unfair.
Stephen Harper has never had a good idea.
No, the TV show “Glee” is the major culprit here- as a matter of fact.
It’s called “slushing”.
It may be a little pricier than purchasing a dozen eggs up at Wal*Mart or Foodland- where the little bastards bought the eggs for our attack- but it’s a heck of a lot of fun and totally demeaning to Gays all the same.

Here’s how it goes.
The homophobe goes to a Mac’s mik store, DQ or convenience store and buys a super, big, slurpy slushie.
Then he- or she, walks down the street, chooses a worthy homosexual victim and lets the “slush” fly in the unsuspecting victim’s face or back.
Such fun!
Best of all the homophobes got this “slushing” idea from a TV show that is watched by Gays or girls- mostly.

There is the exception to the Glee-watching rule but I just can’t understand why a straight boy would be interested in watching this all-singing, all-dancing Gay romp through high school. Unless, the boys who watch each week are all in love with Jane Lynch since she’s such an icon of authority and masculinity or at the very least Lesbianism. Choose one.

This popular Gay Bashing pastime is all the rage in Toronto’s Gay village these days. It seems the best defence against such a moronic pastime is a camera. If that fails, a grappling iron perched on the rooftop at Priappe.

So there you have it.
Something new- and refreshing, for 2011 and the year has just barely started.

A final note.
Although this Gay-bashing method may seem more refreshing in warmer months it is definitely an “icy” situation in January.