ROBBLOG # 302 W E E K E N D Edition

What’s in a name?

Recently, I told a friend we were going to Penetanguishene to see a musical called “Blood Brothers”. I thought his interest would be piqued by the title. 

“A musical called “Blood Brothers?”- I thought he would e-mail back. “Aren’t  musicals all sweet and nice?”- I believed he would have continued.

But no!

He couldn’t get over the length of the name of the Town of Penetanguishene. He said that we are so lucky to live where we live- Orillia and Toronto.You see- I’ll call this friend Don, Don has this CD for a group by the name of The Softones.  I play them on Swisssh Radio.

He is like their “mail room guy”. He sends out Softone CDs when people order them. He tells me he has probably mailed a thousand of these CDs, hand-addressing each and every one.

So, he says to me in an e-mail-

“Could you even imagine living a life of sending out a thousand of these things and having to write with a black roller ball pen on each and every padded envelope, a small return address of 123 Your Drive, Penetanguishene, Ontario?

I changed his address for security reasons!
Why would anyone with a working brain live in a place with such a
long name?”

He continues… 

“No doubt the longest name of any Canadian city. Surely they must have sent in a bill payment for something and realized their folly and moved to a place with a shorter name.”

He goes on still… 

“…imagine trying to spell that horrid name to people on a trip to the US or writing it down in a hotel register or voting booth or anything else needing to know where you live? I tell you, we are so lucky.” 

The e-mail ended there.

I sympathize with residents of Penetanguishene. When we lived in Mississauga one of our first addresses was-

93-19XX Mississagua Valley Boulevard, Mississauga, Ontario.

It never “fit” into the allotted space on any form. Then we moved to a street called “The Chase”. It was an area of Mississauga that had once been the home to gentle country landscapes and it just so happened that a horse farm occupied part of the property at one time. Hence all the names referenced an equine theme like “the Paddocks” or “the Gallops”.

Every time we told someone where we lived they would say- “How do you spell- The Chase?” 

We would say- “The word ‘the” and the word ‘chase’- like in a police chase.” 

“Oh!”- they’d reply and carry on. 

So, the long and short of it, we should be lucky living where we do. 

Oh Damn!

I just realized our street name in Orillia is “Matchedash”.

Noboby outside this area even attempts to spell it. Like Nottawasaga Street and Tecumseth Street- both in Orillia, it can be confusing to out-of-towners. 

So, that’s what’s in a name.

ROBBLOG # 301

Is it the “Dog Days” of summer yet?

Those hot, dry and dusty days with their “Hot Summer Nights”?

You know.

The nights Neil Diamond sings about.

Of course, yesterday, Wednesday, was not a prime example. 

It was a day of sun and wind and rain and more rain.

Huge, billowy clouds filling the summer sky.

Some light and fluffy.

Others dark and very stormy.

Typical for some August days, I guess. 

So, here we are heading towards the middle of the month.

I try to enjoy the month. Enjoy it to its fullest. Although it’s hard not to think that August means September is right on its heels. 

August means the Canadian National Exhibition and summer’s waning. We’ve made plans and will go to the Ex again this year- like every year!

She’s not the Grand Lady she once was but let’s face it most of us are starting to feel the downward tug of the years. I know I am, so why shouldn’t she? 

It’ll be the same old tired CNE stuff but really who gives a flying fig?

The Ex Midway.

Exhibits.

The Farm display- for city folk who have never seen a cow- or piglet, up close.

There’ll be fried food like deep fried butter- yeech!

Hamburgers patties piled on top of sugary donuts.

Waffles and ice cream.

Battered hot dogs on sticks- and more. 

The CNE Midway in the 60's. Notice the Shell Tower at the back and the Alpine Way?

It’s still fun-especially on a hot August day.

People-watching is truly fine!

Maybe I should say “man-watching”.

Yes Sir, it can get pretty fine at the Exhibition Grounds along the sparkling shores of Lake Ontario on a hot summer day, when theguys peel off their shirts because of the heat. 

Remember the Old "Aquarama" Ski Show at the Ex?

It’s really a tradition of sorts.

It’s like the last fling for the “boys of summer”.

It`s there final chance to show off tans and bulging muscles under a hot summer sun.

The best part?

It`s all free for the spectator.

This year both Neil Sedaka and Glen Campbell perform at the Ex’s Bandshell.

Gee, those two are Casino Rama stalwarts!

What’s up? 

August also brings us roadside stands bursting with summer produce and lazy susan’s colourfully accenting our gardens with golden, yellowy, orange beauty. 

Summer still has a way to go. I`ve heard some folks say that summer will stick around to the end of September- maybe longer. It`s done that in recent memory- and it just might. 

Our Mountain Ash has a good supply of orange berries right now, soon to turn a brilliant red for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Last year the tree was laden down. This year- not so much. That could mean a kinder, gentler winter. 

Speaking of which, our snowplow guy called today to see if we required his services again this year! Unless he knows something about the winter that we don’t, the answer was yes!

Grrrr!

These truly are the “Dog Days”- aren’t they?

ROBBLOG # 300

Did you notice this is RobBlog # 300?
That's correct 300 times I have laid pen to paper- or fingers to keyboard, providing you with a little something to entertain or piss you off. I never thougth I would get to such a round little number but here it is.
Enjoy...

Rob*

I guess I would be correct when I say I am the “Big Cheese” here at Swisssh Radio and I don’t have many other “small cheeses” around the place to do my bidding. No, here high above the skyline of the Sunshine City, I pretty much sit alone in the massive Swisssh Radio Complex. 

Yes, it would be correct to say I am the “chief cook and bottle washer”- although we don’t usually wash bottles or cook round here, since we are a communications company.

I also have a lot of gadgets here at the gigantic Swisssh Radio complex. I have a leather chair in the control room that gently vibrates to soothe my aching back. However, I can’t have the microphone “live” when the chair is switched on because the mic picks up the noise of the vibrations.

Not a good thing.

So the chair is not usually plugged in, yet it still serves the general purpose of being seated. 

A fellow broadcaster has a similar problem with things in the vicinity that operate and vibrate. He can’t record anything when the washing machine- located in the laundry room next to his studio, kicks into its major spin cycle. He says some cycles- such as the delicate cycle for “poo poo undies” and other finery, are quieter allowing recording to continue. A major spin of sheets and towels however, makes it impossible to proceed unless he’s doing a radio commercial for a laundry product or washer or dryer! 

The trials and tribulations of Internet Radio stations! 

Now, there is perhaps something new to announce.

I am hoping- come the autumnal season, to have a few more people around the Swisssh Studio. It will be an experiment of sorts. I am looking at producing 3 or 4 shows- some “live” some pre-recorded, to air on Swisssh Radio and perhaps “air” on some other Net Stations too.  It’s time to move forward. It will mean some extra work and extra people around the studios in the evening but we will proceed slowly and see what transpires. 

Oh, to have a downtown storefront location where pedestrians and shoppers passing by could see “live” radio being performed. Maybe one day that will become a reality for Swisssh Radio like it has for another Net Radio station close to the “Big Smoke”. 



So, here in this little world of Net Radio, Swisssh Radio continues to entertain a host of listeners from many countries and places. Cooba Pedy in Southern Australia comes to mind. 

I still enjoy having this smallish Net Radio station broadcast to the world! 

What is the alternative?

If you remember, long before Marconi threw a few tubes together in a box and punched some small holes in the front for the sound to escape, basic radio was yelling out an upper storey window at the neighbour’s house- just to share news and gossip- or weather details.

There was another option. That is procuring the services of a “town crier”. 

Some even passed along their news by singing “sparkling” little ditties in the town or village square-mandolin in hand, at the top of their lungs. People would listen and perhaps even applaud and throw a ducat or two. I am sure the audience even grew a bit during colder, winter nights when the sound from the square would travel farther over hill and frozen dale. 

So my nice desk with its three microphones, computers, headsets and the like may soon be shared with other folks who have a yearning to “play” radio such as I do.It’s not playing really. It’s serious stuff- just not as serious as in the Terrestrial world. 

Stay tuned.

ROBBLOG # 299 W E E K E N D Edition

Here are 11 “handy hints” on how to avoid getting yourself in trouble and pissing people off or what to do if you already have.

Hint # 1:

Hide under a bushel. Take a bologna sandwich with you. You may be there for quite some time.

Hint # 2:

Trust in Jesus.

Forget that. I mean you might just as well ask Peter Pan for help!

Hint # 3:

Lie, ignore and distance yourself from any knowledge of the circumstance or circumstances that pissed off the offended party in the first place.

Hint # 4:

Leave town.

Hint # 5:

Buy a ticket to Columbia. Get plastic surgery. Get a whole new face. Change your sex. Come home. Change your name. Carry on with life. It you are a “Burt” become “the lovely Bertha!”

Hint # 6:

Pretend you woke up this morning and found that you no longer speak or understand English.

Hint # 7:

Become a Buddist Monk and take the 25 year vow of silence.

Hint # 8:

Pretend you are Mayor Orsi and be tight-lipped when someone tries to incriminate you or insinuate you have “stretched the truth”. If that doesn't work, slap 'em in the face and punch 'em in the gut with a bare foot until they start to cry. You see, if you were Mayor Orsi you would have a “green” belt in Karate or Judo. By the way and that's not a stretch of green grass where a Tim Horton's will eventually be built.

Hint # 9:

Try Hint # 2 again.....Still didn't work, eh?

Hint # 10:

Blame it on someone else. Too easy I know but very effective.

Hint # 11:

Tell them to “let a smile be their umbrella”. That's a favourite adage from bygone days. Of course they'll get a mouthful of rain but a bird in the bush is worth two in the.........

Look. Just never mind. Just run.

Run fast....

and don't look back or you could turn into a Pillar of Sifto!

Thus endeth the lesson!

ROBBLOG #298

A few days ago I received an e-mail.

It was sort of a funny e-mail to send to someone who is a self-confessed, non-religious “liberal”- if you know me. That means that I might/have/would/will vote for a candidate with “liberal” leanings.

Funny?
The e-mail was not.
It was offensive.It bothered me on a personal level.It made me sad. What really bothered me was the fact that this “person” actually helped me celebrate a recent “special” event.

Also, I would never, ever vote for someone with a Conservative or “right-leaning” view on life.

I have been thinking about this e-mail and its content. I even asked a few friends to give me their thoughts. All of them were offended and found the content offensive. As I thought about a reply, e-mails started coming in to me from friends who read what had been sent.
Several said it was a piece of crap!
That's concise and to the point.
Some said they deleted it.
Many said it was very offensive on so many levels.
Some said it was typical of the “right”.

So, you know how I feel about the content. Then, I received one particular e-mail that hit the rightist nail smack on the head. So, with the author's permission, I am printing the retort.To understand what comes from where, I will print the “offensive” bit in italics and then the retort in bold font. Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a “bumpy” ride!

Please Note: The one about Gays- homosexuals- as Conservatives and Baptists call us, bothered me the most!

 If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a Conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative doesn't like guns he doesn't buy one? But if he does have a gun or multiple guns, he believes he should be able to keep it a secret. He lobbies his MP to get the long gun registry cancelled. He thinks "why should the government know how many guns I keep in my house?" Wouldn't want that information passed along to the swat squad sent in when he has a marital dispute or disagreement with his neighbour.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is a vegetarian he doesn't eat meat. I have never met a conservative vegetarian. Have you? Vegetarians are smart and don't burn through the resources of the planet as fast. A Conservative vegetarian is an oxymoron! What are they doing with the animals they shoot with their 'long guns' if they are not eating them?

If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is a homosexual, he quietly leads his life- that being a “euphemism” for being deep in the closet and living a lie so as not to offend all those “Ward and June Cleaver” types. Yes, you wouldn't want to be living next door to a couple of “out in the open” homosexuals! How frightening would that be! Better keep those homosexuals in the closet or your children won't be safe! Gotta think of Wally and the Beaver! And while you're at it, better make sure that all the non-middle age white guy types- like visible minorities and women, should also all just quietly lead their lives and pretend that they have no rights or status in our society. Wouldn't want them making any waves either. Lets just leave all the decision making to the middle age conservative white guys. We'll all just be here waiting in our closet to be told what to do! Can I mix you a martini Ward? I know you've had a hard day of important decision- making at the office, while I've just been at home dusting my closet while wearing my 3 inch pumps!

If a Conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative is down and out he thinks how he can better his situation. That's all conservatives think about is me me me! Never a thought goes to anyone but "me"! The phrase 'for the greater good of all' is not a part of a conservative's vocabulary. If a conservative is the CEO of a large corporation raking in millions, all he thinks about is how he can better his situation instead of his much lower paid employees. 'I've got mine now pull up the ladder' should be the party motto! Yes, that phrase ' how can I better my situation' really makes me want to be on the Titanic with a conservative when there is only one life jacket left!

If a Conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
If a Liberal doesn't like a talk show host, he demands that it be shut down.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host he changes channels. Even if the talk show host is broadcasting vile, racist, hate for minority groups. That's OK with the good ole boy conservatives. Funny how if that 'talk show' is AlJezera and they are calling for death to Christians the conservatives change their tune. The KKK's OK but you can't be threatening the Christians!

If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
If a Liberal is a non-believer, he wants any mention of God and religion silenced (unless it's a foreign religion, of course!).

If a conservative is a non-believer he doesn't go to church. Again, like the vegetarians I think a non-believer conservative is an oxymoron. They all believe to a certain degree the doctrine but some don't bother to attend church. The ones that do usually are self- promoters like politicians, real estate agents, anyone trying to make a buck by looking like a “straight arrow” pillar of the community. For those that don't attend, the word hypocrite comes to mind. If the conservative party had a meeting of their avowed atheists they could hold it in a room the size of the closet they want the homosexuals to stay in!

And if a conservative is a believer- this is where it gets really scary! Imagine a ruling party that's some kind of hybrid of the former "progressive" ( good idea to scrap that word because that's the biggest oxymoron of all ) conservative party and the (born again christian) reform party. Imagine a party with a majority of seats that want to rule our country based on what their 'pastor' tells them to do every Sunday lest they offend the lord. Their born again Christian ideas should not be allowed to infringe on our laws anymore than the Muslim Sharia laws should. Fanatics are equally as dangerous whether they are Muslim or Christian and our country should not be run by either a front for the Taliban or a front for the Pentacostal church. Both are equally frightening in what should be a secular society, run by intelligent people. Intelligent people don't try and create laws based on a book written thousands of years ago. Intelligent people are not fanatics! You don't believe that the “reform-conservative party” has this as an agenda? Ask a majority of their MP's what their views are on a pregnant woman's rights over her own body. Ask MP David Sweet (Hamilton-Wentworth ) his views. He certainly felt strong enough about his views to stand in front of McMaster Hospital recently with a large picture of a fetus along with a group of anti-abortion protesters. This in the same city where a doctor was shot in his own home by an anti-abortion fanatic. Funny how after he became a 'conservative' MP he stopped doing that. Do you think he completely changed his personal beliefs or just decided to downplay them?

If a Conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have think about the truth contained in it. If a Liberal reads it, he will delete it because he's "offended".

 And if a conservative reads, this he'll forward it to his friends? His friends that are conservatives so they can pat each other on the back at how wise they are to base their vote on this? To his non-conservative friends to try and convert them based on these simplistic little statements? I guess its all a numbers game to see how many you can convert from red to blue. Keep those little statements simple because you wouldn't want people to have to think about it too much. You're not after the “thinking” crowd anyway. You want the ones that just want to align themselves with a team without having to do too much thinking. Red vs blue equals Liberals vs Conservatives or maybe its Montreal Canadians vs Toronto Maple Leafs. Same mind set! As long as people belong to a 'team' they don't have to think, just vote for the team- oops, party they're told to.Maybe you should start your indoctrination with people from Toronto. Their 'conservative' mayor wants to close the libraries there. Once you take away people's ability to educate themselves and their children that's a big step toward the next generation not being able to think for themselves and needing someone to do it for them. That should encourage people to join the 'blue team'.

Well, I forwarded it to you. 
(The person's name was signed here!)

Even though I am not a conservative or a liberal or an NDP'er, I did forward your email to some of my friends. Everyone enjoys a good laugh from a funny email! Hope your 'blue team' is enjoying their 'Stanley Cup'. Next season should be interesting! I hear the red and orange are thinking of batting for the same team. That wouldn't really make for a fair game though. Almost like combining the reform and conservative!

 So, I told you it was going to be bumpy.

Now, discuss....Oh yes, to the person who sent me this "offensive" read- don't send me stuff like this again.

Now you all know.Don't judge me.
I am just the messenger here.
Thanks!

Have a good one!

ROBBLOG #297

Oie! The Big six -Ohhhhhhhh!

Yup, I turned the big six-oh last Friday!

My friend Cathy says I should just shut up and stop telling people.

Nobody cares.

Nobody knows.

That’s the truth.

The majority of my Birthday Cards included “hand-written” notes inside- along with the Hallmark-style greetings already printed on the card, which said- “Gee, you look more like 40 that 60! No really!”

I am very happy to hear such hearty wishes. Of course everyone knows- at least those of us that are turning 60, that 60 is the new 40.

What the Hell is 70 then?

By the time I get there maybe 70 will be the new forty. I would like everyone to start that rumour going now and maybe by the time this 60’s decade ends it will stick. I could hear ten years down the road-

“Don’t worry Rob. 70 is the new 40!”

I can only hope.

What’s the best thing about turning 60?

Knowing that I didn’t pass on in my fifties, I suppose.

I remember in my 20’s I wondered from time to time when my days on earth would be through. Since 50 something seemed light years away when you’re 22 or 23 I am sure I wondered if I’d still be around when I was in my late 50’s.

Well, I made it through. I just can’t remember most of it.

That's Me on the left when I was 17.  A friend Rick on the right.

Right now, I have a good chance of being around to celebrate that magic 70 number and possibly beyond.

I have no major medical problems.

I can still bike, rollerblade and run- if I need to.

I don’t run that often these days, especially in the summer months when I usually wear “flip-flops” on my feet. It’s not a pretty sight seeing a man running through the parking lot at Wal*Mart with thongs flapping and snapping against his bare heels. It doesn’t matter how you run, you always look like a girl.

That doesn’t both me- really, but people point, stare and snicker anyway.

Let ‘em.

I am secure in my masculinity.

I like wearing thongs too- especially when my feet are all tanned and athletic-looking.

Whatever it takes to be noticed. After all, it is all about me.

If that turns you off, go write your own blog!

No! No!

Wait!

Don’t leave just yet!

So, I didn’t “pass on” in my 50’s and here I am with this new “frame of mind”. That’s what turning 60 has done to me so far. It’s only been a few days I know but I have made up my mind to appreciate things more.

Marvel more at the world around me.

Especially, handsome, well-built men.

~ahem~

Wait!

That’s nothing new.

I’ve always done that!

I plan to continue living by my New Year’s Resolution. That was- and is, to “keep my mouth shut!”

It’s worked well for me so far this year.

Yes, I have fallen off the “hay wagon” once or twice but not to the same degree I once would have.

Then, a day or so ago- right after my Birthday, I received a “special” e-mail.
It was so special, I was at once offended and saddened. I haven’t quite decided how to respond- if a response is even required or necessary.

I refer you to the paragraph above and my New Year’s Resolution.

I am still thinking what I might say and how I might say it.

I did ask a few friends to read what I had been sent and have since received their responses. They too are offended- outraged in a couple of cases. I am trying to decide whether I should print a portion of the e-mail I received- especially one vitriolic response or just write a reply myself. So far, most of what I want to say is all in my head. It hasn’t been written down. I wonder if it’s even worth my time to put it all down on paper.

A friend tells me to “grow some!”

"Grow Some what?...Oh! Them? Philip has them. Well, one at least. The other fell of in 1966-Hem, Hem, Hem!"

I am thinking about it.

I’ll let you know. In the meantime I am "easing" into this new frontier of this journey

called “life”.

I’ll let you know how it goes!

ROBBLOG #296 W E E K E N D Edition

Wow!
I am tired.
We finished the run of Norm Foster's "Looking" in Gravenhurst at the Opera House on Thursday.
We had big houses.
Larger than we had at the Studio Theatre in Orillia back in February.
The OP in Gravenhurst tells us that we have been the biggest summer show- as far as audience numbesr, that they have had in recent years!
How's that Orillia?
Sorry you didn't come now to support some Orillia-based actors and stage folk?
Not to worry.
It wasn't just you that stayed away.
There was no amount of- "You scatch my back and I'll scratch yours".
For some, the show like it didn't even exist.
Like acknowledging that some "Orillia Theatre People" were presenting a show in Gravenhurst was akin to cuddling up to the "evil dead".

An shot of the CAST in Rehearsal last winter!

Oh- but the marvelous troupe of out-of-town actors populating "local" summer theatre were the "bee's knees".

To be fair many people did come and many had seen the show in Orillia but raved about the new set and look of "Looking".
Thanks for that.
It was really appreciated.

I could count on one hand the number of MAT people who came to the show and we have all been on MAT stages- some of us for many years!
As Andy's character says in "Looking"- "Thanks Matt!"
Of course, few MAT people support their members in other endeavors anyway.

I'll stop there. We had a wonderful time in Gravenhurst.
The audiences were fabulous!
The Opera House staff were all very accommodating and nobody...nobody stood over us telling us do this, do that and don't ever do this thing!
It was refreshing to say the least.

Thanks.

Hey, it's a Civic Holiday Weekend! I started the weekend on a rather high note. Tom and I hosted 40 people at my 60th Birthday celebrations out at Casino Rama FRiday- in the Firestarter Lounge.
It was wonderful.
The food was great.
The service top-notch and my Birthday Cake was a "chocolate orgazam".
Two hundred dollars worth of Chocolate.

Yummmmm.

So onwards now.
I am 60.
Can't change that.
I am told I don't look 60.
That's a relief.
I don't feel it either.

As one friend said- "Rob, you're ass won't fall off at 60!"
Another said- "The way I figure it, you got 20 good years left!"
Fuck!
Are those supposed to be words to live by or something?
Oh well.
I laughed and life goes on.

Have a great weekend!

Oh- one last thing...
Why not enjoy Summertime and Swisssh Radio?

Sssummer doesn't get any better.
How can it?

All your Favourites. 24/7.
Music from local artists, Broadway Shows and more!

 
Great artists such as Ian and Sylvia, Barenaked Ladies, Lily Allen, Gordon Lightfoot, Quartette, Lady Ga Ga, Bert Kaempfert, The Supremes, Little Caesar and the Consuls, Pat Hervey, Bobby Curtola, Four Tops, The Beatles, Petula Clark, Denzel Sinclair and many, many more.

Special shows on Swisssh Radio include:

The Vinyl Vault (Saturdays at 10a.m. Tuesdays at 8PM)
The Songwriter's Search(weekdays)
Takin' Ya Back with Kurt David (Saturday at11a.m.& Wednesday Evenings at 8PM)
The Story Lady- Quirky yet cute!

Environminute.

Plus- Chickenman! The Winged Weekend Warrior- heard throughout the day.

Listen to what you're missing.
Swisssh Radio... We. Play. Favourites!
www.swisssh.ca
or on
iTunes,
Windows Media Player,
Tunein.com
Streema.com