From time to time I check in on the Virgin Mary.
No, she hasn't appeared to me- not yet at least.
I check in via a webcam.
She still looks the same. Hasn't aged a bit. She always looks older in photos (paintings) and sculptures, when in reality she was- what 14(?) when God did the dirty to say nothing of her May/December romance with Joseph.
Of course her sexual relations with the Almighty were a hands-off kind of "bippety-boppety-boo."
That's what makes it okay in the eyes of believers- at least "flocks" are told it's okay. Goodness in this #MeToo age that wouldn't travel far. The Lord would be playing cards in jail with the likes of Epstein or that Hollywood producer- what's his name.
Mary wasn't the first to say- "Keep your hands off me!", there's been there a few times myself- in earlier years, when I had to say to the gent on the barstool next to mine- "Lord fellah, keep your hands off my bippety. I'm just sat here having a drink. That's all!"
While we're talking all things Mary, does she always appear to folks in a wardrobe from centuries back? Well-tailored clothing from all accounts but does she not want to update her wardrobe?
Is there no Winners in Heaven?
Actually, her son is no different. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree the snake's hiding in. He's still imagined in a flimsy, cotton-like shift with no underwear and sandals on his tootsies. No pockets in that shift either! Where the hell does he put his mobile, let alone VISA credit card.
So, yes, I check on Mary via a webcam from Lourdes. Google it.
There's the grotto where she appeared to those kids centuries ago. Up in a cave overlooking several rows of pews, there's the statue of her. She looking down lovingly with blue sash hanging from her waist as the kids reported.
I keep staring at the statue expecting it to come to life.
It hasn't so far...
In the grotto a stone altar with a pyramid of candles is blazing away.
If you pick the right time of day- late evening is best from Canada, you'll see a priest and nun celebrate mass to usually a dozen or so faithful- no matter the weather. Of course it's morning in Italy.
Do another Google search for Mary in Portugal and you'll find another webcam showing a church where she has appeared- before the church was built of course.
Have you ever wondered why she just appears to Catholics?
Is it only Catholics who find her image on toast at the breakfast table?
Anyways, to be truthful, I check in at both cams now and then expecting one day to see her swoop down from Heaven in the latest Paris couture and knock that statue to the ground. Then, she'd peer into the camera, call my name and motion to me with a beckoning finger.
It could happen- couldn't it?
By the way I've had a virgin or two beckon me with a finger and more. That's for another Blog on another day...
Why do these strange, supernatural happenings always manifest themselves to poor, uneducated kids, poor Catholics who eat toast or two rednecks in a Chevy truck drinking beer in the woods.
It's rednecks you see, who observe strange things flying through the air. Of course they see strange things- they're drunk on beer! Too drunk I'd imagine to see Mary hovering above their rusted pick up truck. Too drunk to offer her one from the cooler in the back.
I don't think Mary drinks anything but red wine anyway. I know this because it seems she always had her son whip up an extra batch at parties in the early days of the holy land before wine stores opened up.
I've seen strange things too when friends have over-served me on Vodka.
You know who you are...
Only I have- as I previously stated, never seen a Virgin on a rock or Aliens while drinking Vodka on the rocks.
Just sayin...
