Holiday Note: I woke up early a few mornings ago and this story started to play out in my mind. I was even able to remember most of the dialogue when I got up a few hours later.
Huh...Not bad for an "older person".
Anyhoo, it may be the start of a new movement or religion even...or not. Enjoy this fable from my very own brain...or wherever such things come from.
2:30
2:45
3:16 a.m.
Roger watched the clock next to his bedside tick ever so slowly forward. Why was he feeling so restless? Why would his much-needed sleep not come?
Roger's Hubby- Timothy, had opted for the couch this night. He had a bit of cold starting and he didn't want to pass it on to Roger. Roger was such a cow when he had a cold. The separation was worth it. Timothy knew it. Roger knew it.
Roger fidgeted in the bed rolling this was and that way. He counted from one hundred backwards.
He sang softly to himself and wrote the word sleep with his index finger in the darkness above his head.
Nothing.
His stomach was anxious. He didn't know why because everything was good. The Holidays were here. The tree was decorated and most- not all, most of the gifts were bought. So, what's the big deal?
He rolled over for the one thousandth time. Holding his eyes tightly shut.
That's when he saw it behind his eyelids.
Light.
Bright, white light.
He peeked between his long eyelashes. Yes it was light and it was coming from a central source.
Roger opened his tired eyes fully and there standing at the end of the brass bed was a figure. A golden light source. Dare he say it- an Angel?
He saw wings.
This is possibly a real, honest to goodness Angel right here in my bedroom, hovering at the foot of my bed.
Suddenly, the golden apparition spoke to him:
"I am an angel of the heavenly host and I come to tell you something this December night."
Roger sat up and batted his eyes.
"Tell me something?" Roger started to get huffy.
"I mean who are you to come into my bedroom in all this white light- while I am trying to sleep I might add, wanting to have a chat or something?"
The angel looked away from the pad where he was scribbling away with a golden pencil in smooth, white fingers- "Right. Like you were sleeping..."
"I was at least trying."- Roger growled, "Anyway, who are you and what are you doing floating above the end of my bed like that and by the way are you a man or a woman? You've got some pretty dainty hands there for a man. Dainty hands but very bare, muscular legs and- dare I say, thighs under that pair of shorty jammies you're wearing"
The Angel rolled his eyes and slid the pad and pencil in a pocket in the glimmering shift he was adorned in.
"Yes, I'm a man and yes I have smallish hands. These are not jammies- it's a shorty-gown. And not that you're asking but I happen to have very large, athletic feet for an Angel of my stature."
"Girlishly short hands and big feet! Is that a winning combo in Heaven or wherever you just flew in from?"
"Look, Roger..."
"Oh she knows my name! I'm impressed!"
He sighs..."Look Roger. My Mother had smallish hands and my Uncle Flavius too, so just....Hmmmm. Gosh, I never, ever thought of that connection before..."
"Look do I have to stay awake while you go over your family tree and who your Mother schtuped?"
The Angel scowled. "Never mind. To the business at hand. I am a member of the Heavenly Host and I come to bring you some great news?"
"Like the price of gas is going down?"
"No!" The Angel was beginning to become flustered.
"So what's your name anyhow?"
"Oh! Yes. Sorry. Gabriel."
"Gabriel. Not too much of a stretch for your Mother. Been an angel long Gabe?"
"It's Gabriel. Gabriel Stanley Augustus. I've had wings entire life. One gets born into this Angelic Lineage and you?"
"Well, as you can see I am NOT an Angel and I live here in this comfy three bedroom home with a double car garage and huge backyard with my husband Timothy. Say Gabey.."
"Gabriel!"
"Gay...ummm- are big wings a big thing up there or over there in Heaven like a pee-pee is here on earth?"
"Oh, now that's mature from someone on my list I've been directed to visit with some good news.."
"You said 'great news' I believe."
"Real Mature Roger." The Angel takes a deep breath. "So, you're asking if the size of one's wings relates to the size of one's penis here on earth. Is that right?"
"Well. Yes. If you were headed in that direction." Roger brought his knees into his chest and hugged them with both arms and listened intently.
"I wasn't!" spat the Angel named Gabriel, "However since you are asking, there is a correlation there to be sure."
"Ah-Hah!" Roger was getting blustery. "So Big Wings. Big Penis. Wow!"
The Angels flapped his wings gently.
"Are you through?" He looked at Roger with pursed lips.
"Yes...Look Gage, do you want to know how big my ~ahem~ wings are?"
The Angel hovered and shook his pretty head. Roger once again noticed the musculature of its legs.
Pausing referring to his notes, the Angel tried to look dis-interested....
After a few moments he speaks:
"Oh sorry, I tend to lose focus when a human goes on and on about themselves. It's a naughty habit but it is a useful one."
"I'll say. So what do you want? Are you bringing me The First Nowell- second in this case possibly- and where's the rest of your haughty-taughty hosts?"
"The Heavenly Hosts? Oh well...they're there." He motions. "Here. I mean I could call them at any moment but they're doing a Christmas Concert on Cloud Twenty-Two tonight and they'd be pissed if I brought them down here from that..."
"Language Gabe. Language. Well, I wouldn't want to be the reason for something like that. Now, um, could we get on with what you want to say in a Nowell or otherwise? I might try for sleep again."
"Yes, well good luck after this message from above but here it is in a nutshell. I have flown down to earth to meet you and to see you to tell you that you are about to be with child."
"What? Are you nuts? I'm a man. I can't have kids!"
The Angel is clearly flustered. His wings tapping lightly together in a one, two cha cha cha kind of beat. He gathers his thoughts quickly, looks at Roger, now leaning back against a trio of pillows and explains in a forthright manner-
"I've heard that before! Oh boo-hoo I'm a Virgin, I can't have a child or I'm too old to have a kid or I don't have an extra room for a nursery. It goes on and on. Look. Roger. Sweetheart. I am here. I have a pill and that's all there is to it. Well, a magic pill really..."
"A fucking magic pill? To do what with and to whom?"
"The angel smiled a wide, angelic smile. To take this tiny pill I have in my "girlish" fingers and shove it- this tiny pill, up your pipe so you become pregnant and become "with child" before the morning light."
"Are you sure you're not looking for Nancy Goldstein? She lives next door with her parents."
"Nancy Goldstein is only 12 years old. Don't be ridiculous Roger!."
"Who are you- Santa Claus, anyway, it worked the first time Gawd Damn time didn't it?!"
"Potty mouth! Anyway, it was a different time!"
"You mean there were no laws. Oh and by the way, you're an Angel hovering at the end of my bed and you call me the ridiculous one! That's rich!"
"Look. Just shut up and roll over. Don't make me use Angel Force!"
The Angel's light was shining brighter somehow and his wings flapped faster. Roger could clearly see the muscles undulating beneath the shortie PJ's.
"So what do I get out of all this? eh?"
Roger had a point.
Gabriel hovered and had a think. The tiny white pill held tightly in the palm of his hand-
"Well how about a man having a baby?"
"Men have had babies before Gabe!"
"Ahhh. But not inside their body! It'll be a miracle!"
Roger's mouth fell open. Timothy and he wanted kids but both thought they were past the post.
"You're not past the post...yet!"- Gabriel offered.
"Of course I'm not. I keep telling Tim... WAIT! Did you just read my mind?"
The Angel nodded and smiled another wide, angelic, all-knowing smile.
"Holy Fucking mind-fuck!"
"Yes, it might be considered that without all the groaning and sweating you people get involved with."
"Will I remember this? Will there be a stable and shepherds? Will I travel on an ass..."
"Look. Roger. You are an ass already! Now take the pill. I got to fly. Hah! Hah! Cracks me up when I get to say that..."
"You're a real stand-up Gay!" The Angel still tittered and tee hee'd while Roger had a think. Good Gawd, he'd be famous. He's have money. Timothy would be proud. They'd have a kid.
"OKAY! YES! Stick your pill where the sun don't shine Gabey!"
"Oye! Humans. Entertaining, queer bunch of beings." He just realized what he said- "No offence Roger!"
"Non taken"- says Roger. Now just do it..."
"Done." says Gabriel.
"Done? I didn't feel a thing!"
"Didn't have to. I am an Angel you know."
"Yes Gabe, but was it good for you?.. and if you light a cigarette. I'll scream!"
Gaberiel motioned with both hands- come see, some saw..
"Bitch!" thought Roger.
"I know"- answered Gabriel. "Well Toots, I must run."
"Toots?" Roger scratched the boys in an efficient scratch.
" Listen Roger, it's been a Holiday Hoot. Have a good life and I might "swing" on by to check on you from time to time- if that's okay?"
"Sure." Roger was beginning to take it all in. "You'll want to meet Timothy I presume."
"Of course." The Angel flapped his golden wings in preparation to depart. "This isn't going to be easy for you two you know. You have to get Timothy on board and then dealing with all those sheep at the stable. Boy! I'm glad it's you and not me..."
"Howz that?" Roger was alert now. "How is this all going to come to pass anyway?"
Gabriel looked down at Roger for a final time.
"I dunno but check under a cabbage leaf or look for a huge stork circling your house. Oh and Roger..."
"Yes?"
"It'll all work out. I have it on highest authority and I am an authority when it comes to a child being born. Later Dude."
And he was up and away and the light returned to darkness.
Roger flicked on the bedside lamp. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Slipped his feet into his fuzzy slippers and ran to the living room to tell Timothy. It was going to be a Merrier Christmas than either had imagined.
Now he knew he could sleep in heavenly peace- or at least try taking a sleeping pill.
