Friday, December 6, 2013


Dame Clare is all jolly for the holidays and she sends along this holiday column.

My Dears I am feeling absolutely “Divine” these days what with Christmas and all. 

At the Palais Royal- just on the outskirts of town, we have several trees all decked in the brightest of trimmings. Even Roger my Head Poolboy and his lovely Hubbie Xavier have a tree next to the Indoor Pool all decorated with goggles, nose plugs and tiny Speedos. Up on top they have crafted an angel wearing the face of Mr. Hugh Jackman.
I must say that is so sweet My Dears.
I really must.
Those two adorable, furry bears- at least prior to their body trims, know how much your Royal Dame’s heart goes all a flutter at the mere mention of Mr. Jackman’s name-let alone looking at his adorable Aussie face. 

Christmas is brimming here at the Palais and why shouldn’t it be. Tis the Season after all.
Don’t you just adore the scent of fresh bows of Cedar and Pine? I just had some B.C. Cedar shipped in from the West especially for the Holidays. It looks so nice stuffed along the mantles and over top doorways. It’s like living in a forest without the worry of having little critters pooping on your Dame’s rugs. 

The crystal is all polished and the silver looks absolutely marvelous. Doris has been busy making sure everything looks all sparkly here at the Palais because Holiday Visitors could drop by at any minute.
They really could my Dears.
I Mean that.
I really do.
Oh but if you plan on dropping in, do call ahead- won’t you? 

Hedda my best girlfriend and I took a stroll through the marvelous little Downtown recently to pick up a few little items. We were thinking of zipping over to Paris for a weekend of shopping and looking at the lights, however, we botha greed that anything that we could possibly find in Paris was certainly available Downtown in your little burg. The shops are looking quite festive and people are all smiles. My Dears I don’t know how you little people do it. You barely have two matches to strike together and you are all out there spending, spending , spending trying to make your dreary little lives just a little more merry. Why if Darling little Mr. Dickens were here today he would certainly have a sequel to his adorable tale of poor folks-A Christmas Carol Too! 

My Dears, Credit Cards were made so we could avail ourselves of Air Miles and extra warranties on electronic equipment. No Darlings, I didn’t read that in some exclusive little Trade Magazine, I heard it from Rudy- my Chauffeur. Well the warranty part at least. I of course use air miles whenever I can to save a few nickels. Yes Darlings-even your Dameness can be frugal if the mood swing hits her! 

Anyway, Rudy says when you people buy what he calls “Big Ticket” items, you can charge it on your little cards and then if the item becomes lost, stolen or breaks down, you Darlings can have it replaced. Now, that is so cute. However, why you just don’t just throw the object away and buy another is well beyond me.
I mean that My Dears.
I really do. 

Oh Dear, look at the time. I am having a new Christmas gown or two fitted and I must run. Your Dame must be prepared to look her best at this Festive Time. 

Oh, just before I close My Dears, it would be appropriate to tell you little “Christmas Chipmunks” to be ever so careful this Yuletide. No toasting the season and then jumping into your sweet little Fords and Chevrolets to drive home and sleep it off. Also those cute little trees you purchase from corner lots need water to keep them alive and fresh- unlike your Dameness who just needs Smirnoff Vodka. 

Well Darlings, Fah Lah Lah Lah Lah!