Here are 11 “handy hints” on how to avoid getting yourself in trouble and pissing people off or what to do if you already have.
Hint # 1:
Hide under a bushel. Take a bologna sandwich with you. You may be there for quite some time.
Hint # 2:
Trust in Jesus.
Forget that. I mean you might just as well ask Peter Pan for help!
Hint # 3:
Lie, ignore and distance yourself from any knowledge of the circumstance or circumstances that pissed off the offended party in the first place.
Hint # 4:
Hint # 5:
Buy a ticket to Columbia. Get plastic surgery. Get a whole new face. Change your sex. Come home. Change your name. Carry on with life. It you are a “Burt” become “the lovely Bertha!”
Hint # 6:
Pretend you woke up this morning and found that you no longer speak or understand English.
Hint # 7:
Become a Buddist Monk and take the 25 year vow of silence.
Hint # 8:
Pretend you are Mayor Orsi and be tight-lipped when someone tries to incriminate you or insinuate you have “stretched the truth”. If that doesn't work, slap 'em in the face and punch 'em in the gut with a bare foot until they start to cry. You see, if you were Mayor Orsi you would have a “green” belt in Karate or Judo. By the way and that's not a stretch of green grass where a Tim Horton's will eventually be built.
Hint # 9:
Try Hint # 2 again.....Still didn't work, eh?
Hint # 10:
Blame it on someone else. Too easy I know but very effective.
Hint # 11:
Tell them to “let a smile be their umbrella”. That's a favourite adage from bygone days. Of course they'll get a mouthful of rain but a bird in the bush is worth two in the.........
Look. Just never mind. Just run.
and don't look back or you could turn into a Pillar of Sifto!
Thus endeth the lesson!