Wednesday, August 18, 2010

ROBBLOG # 127

Hold onto your panties girls, this blog could be a bumpy ride!

You’re all familiar with Mr. Hugh Jackman, star of Broadway’s “Boy from Oz”, television’s Tony Awards and a ton of movies, many showing Mr. Jackman in various states of undress and duress.

Here comes the bumpy part girls…
I am afraid at this particular moment in time, I am about to add more duress to Hugh’s life.

Yesterday, I wrote about my fear of snakes- no matter how small. I told you I would gladly jump into the safe arms of a passerby, if I happened to come upon a cute, little slithery, green thing while walking along a path. Yes, I know snakes are not all bad, it’s just that those of us who can’t stand the little critters like to think they’re bad. It makes it easier for us to dislike them- like thinking Lima beans are poisonous.

Jumping “willy-nilly” into someone’s arms when coming upon a snake- boa or grass, can have its positive points. Take the time I jumped right into Hugh Jackman’s bulging arms.
~pause~

Did you just have a picture, flash through your mind?
I did.
I must apologize.
I was just having you on.
I have never, ever jumped into Mr. Jackman’s brawny arms. Quite frankly, the opportunity has never presented itself.

This “yarn” I started to spin a couple of lines above, allows me to segue into another story- of sorts.
This time a true story.
First of all, Mr. Hugh Jackman if you are reading this Blog- may I call you Hugh?
Nevermind, I will until I hear differently.
Hugh, I feel I must come clean.
I must tell you this Hugh, although, it may break your big, robust Australian heart.
However, you’ll recover. I know you will.
“There’s other fish and stalkers in the sea Bruce!”

Hugh, simply put, there is someone else. I know we’ve had a good 3 or 4 year run- me, being the lascivious older man. You, being the young, lean, strong dancer/actor/Aussie hunk. But Hugh someone else is appearing on my horizon and he’s stealing my thumping heart away as the weeks go by.
His name?
What’s in a name big guy?....
It won’t change anything….
Do you really need his name, Hugh?.....

~pause~ and ~sigh~

Well, alright. Just because you are you-
It’s Alexander Skarsgard!
6 foot 4 inches of Swedish Machismo.
He is Eric on the Vampire Series “True Blood” on HBO Canada, Hugh.
Yum!

I hear you asking me Hugh- “Yum?”
You ask- “Is he more “yum” than me Rob?”
Dear, sweet, dumb, wonderful Hugh. It’s why I was so taken with you all these years.
No Hugh, “yum”, is what I would expect Eric to say as he “supped and slurped”, his pale, pink lips pressed hard against the purple-blue veins in my neck, draining me of the rich, red, warm liquid of life from deep inside me- but only to the very brink of being turned into one of “them”- the undead.

How romantic Hugh.

You must admit it’s slightly better than you and that Aussie actress- Sheila something or other, who stared in that movie “Australia” you filmed back home. You know Hugh, the one who makes those most awful movies especially the film where she rolled around naked with Mr. Tom Cruise- I think she was married to him at the time, in a film no one understands to this day!

Now Hugh, that movie where you looked like a wolfman with a 50’s hairdo was good but you were no Eric. The naked scene of you in that big glass tub made me “tingle” but your thigh was always in the way and that made me sad.
Very sad indeed.

~sigh~

Now, no tears Hugh. It’s been fun.
Be a big boy.
In fact Hugh, it’s been really wonderful.
Really, really wonderful.
I mean that Hugh…but times change.
Aussie’s come and go. Vampire men are here to stay- for a few centuries at least.

Don’t feel too bad about that Hugh. Two Aussies made it into the “True Blood” show.
You were probably just out of town with that “handsome” partner of yours you refer to as “your agent”.
Your dirty little secret is safe with me Hugh. You’ve always known that! So, you missed the “auditions” for True Blood.

So what!

Yes, you would have been a natural Vamp but there’s no use sobbing over spilled blood, Hugh. Life will go on and someday you will slip out of your mediocre movie roles and get back up on that gigantic Broadway stage and “hoof” your way to the stars!

So, goodbye Hugh, for now at least. Just turn and walk away from me and please- don’t turn back for a final look. Oh…and Hugh, tell Sheila “what’s her name” I said hello, will you?

~time marches on~

Now Eric- I mean Alexander. Perhaps, may I just call you Alex?
What’s your sign you huge, 6 foot so much, tree trunk of a man…

I told you to hold onto your panties- didn’t I?

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