ROBBLOG #885- Bippety, Boppety

 

From time to time I check in on the Virgin Mary.

No, she hasn't appeared to me- not yet at least.

I check in via a webcam.

She still looks the same. Hasn't aged a bit.  She always looks older in photos (paintings) and sculptures, when in reality she was- what 14(?) when God did the dirty to say nothing of her May/December romance with Joseph.

Of course her sexual relations with the Almighty were a hands-off kind of "bippety-boppety-boo."

That's what makes it okay in the eyes of believers- at least "flocks" are told it's okay. Goodness in this #MeToo age that wouldn't travel far. The Lord would be playing cards in jail with the likes of  Epstein or that Hollywood producer- what's his name.

 

Mary wasn't the first to say- "Keep your hands off me!", there's been there a few times myself- in earlier years, when I had to say to the gent on the barstool next to mine- "Lord fellah, keep your hands off my bippety. I'm just sat here having a drink. That's all!"

While we're talking all things Mary, does she always appear to folks in a wardrobe from centuries back? Well-tailored clothing from all accounts but does she not want to update her wardrobe?

Is there no Winners in Heaven?

Actually, her son is no different. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree the snake's hiding in. He's still imagined in a flimsy, cotton-like shift with no underwear and sandals on his tootsies. No pockets in that shift either! Where the hell does he put his mobile, let alone VISA credit card.

So, yes, I check on Mary via a webcam from Lourdes. Google it.

There's the grotto where she appeared to those kids centuries ago. Up in a cave overlooking several rows of pews, there's the statue of her. She looking down lovingly with blue sash hanging from her waist as the kids reported.

I keep staring at the statue expecting it to come to life. 

It hasn't so far...

In the grotto a stone altar with a pyramid of candles is blazing away.

If you pick the right time of day- late evening is best from Canada, you'll see a priest and nun celebrate mass to usually a dozen or so faithful- no matter the weather. Of course it's morning in Italy.

Do another Google search for Mary in Portugal and you'll find another webcam showing a church where she has appeared- before the church was built of course.

Have you ever wondered why she just appears to Catholics?

Is it only Catholics who find her image on toast at the breakfast table?

Anyways, to be truthful, I check in at both cams now and then expecting one day to see her swoop down from Heaven in the latest Paris couture and knock that statue to the ground. Then, she'd peer into the camera, call my name and motion to me with a beckoning finger.

It could happen- couldn't it?

By the way I've had a virgin or two beckon me with a finger and more. That's for another Blog on another day...

Why do these strange, supernatural happenings always manifest themselves to poor, uneducated kids, poor Catholics who eat toast or two rednecks in a Chevy truck drinking beer in the woods.

It's rednecks you see, who observe strange things flying through the air. Of course they see strange things- they're drunk on beer! Too drunk I'd imagine to see Mary hovering above their rusted pick up truck.  Too drunk to offer her one from the cooler in the back. 

I don't think Mary drinks anything but red wine anyway. I know this because it seems she always had her son whip up an extra batch at parties in the early days of the holy land before wine stores opened up.

I've seen strange things too when friends have over-served me on Vodka.

You know who you are...

Only I have- as I previously stated, never seen a Virgin on a rock or Aliens while drinking Vodka on the rocks.

Just sayin...

ROBBLOG #884- Monet, Monet, Monet

 

Okay, I haven't done this in a long, long while BUT  it's time for

'DIS & 'DAT

1. There might be an election on the horizon- not that I would vote in one ever again. Ever. Those "Matrons" that ruled the poll where I voted last time can go straight to hell if they're not there already.

You can go back to a Blog I wrote after the last election day to see what the hub-bub was all about. Now for the other minions and millions that will cast a ballot, I sincerely hope that the Prime Minister- Justin, gets a freeking haircut before he expects anyone to vote for him in that mad do of his.

He looks like the trapper that came in from the cold.

2. So those military guys who went golfing. What a sad little story. No meat to that one. A fucking game of golf so they can do the "buddy" thing and talk about another officer's tits. I am surmising here. Why they might even talk about a female officer's body parts too. Look, can't we spice these stories up a bit. Picture four military men with square jaws and perfectly trimmed neck hair entering a sauna, stripped down to their bits and bites. They sit down side by side where, perhaps, occasionally their thighs touch- occasionally. Now wouldn't that make a better story- albeit they would all have to be consenting adults

to be sure and to be sure it's wrong talking about anyone's tits

3.Did you read about the BC guy who stopped his vehicle to help a car and its driver that had driven off the road into a ditch. As the story goes, he left his keys in his vehicle and while he was playing the Good Samaritan with them,  somebody drove off with his. What did Mother always say?

Don't leave your keys in the ignition- Good Samaritan or not. Damn!

4. From this moment on, I am to be known as Rob (He/Him). Step up everyone.

5. Canada leads the world in the share of National Populations who have been vaccinated against Covid. Is Mr O'Toole eating crow yet? How about that leader of the NDP who is as much a whiner as any conservative- nationally or provincially. To think I coulda voted for him. He coulda been a contender. Now, all he'll do is fuck up a majority win for the Liberals- if there is to be a summer or autumnal election, which if you refer to point #1- I am not voting in anyway...

6. That David What's His Name who came to fame on one of those "Let me Show You I Can Sing" programmes has come out "Bi". Now, I know he has a good voice and I even play his Christmas Songs on both radio stations during the Holidays but dang, I thought he was Gay- and I've only seen him once or twice- but dang- I could have sworn he was Gay or on his way to Gay. I guess when he hit the fork in the road he stood there having no idea which branch to take. Dang....

7. The UK may renege on their plans on wide re-opening after Covid. It seems PM Boris wants more time. There's a worry about the Delta virus making a mess of things across England. Meanwhile back in Canada the Premier of Ontario is moving ahead with re-opening his province and stirring up shite by invoking the Notwithstandingclause which he is doing because....well really, just to be a dick. Ontarians are now wondering if there are any more Fords coming along to dash all hopes of ever being Canada's favourite province again. Meanwhile, back in the UK, Andrew Lloyd Webber says he'll open his theatres hennaway, which may result in him going to jail. Sounds like an idea for a new musical...

8. Those two kids- you know the cute guy and the girl who's had too much plastic surgery, who are suspects in a Hamilton murder, have been found by police in Hungary. I didn't even know Hungary had police. Also I mean Hamilton the City- not the musical.

9. I hear that Nova Scotia fishermen are looking for the whale that swallowed that guy off Provincetown the other day. They expect the whale to swim with a swisssy sound and it's fins will be a little limp. There's also been a report that the fishermen have invited Jason Kenny out for a swim- once the whale's been located.

10. Someone has found a painting by David Bowie in a dump. Bette Davis found a house once that was also a dump. The finder of the Bowie picture paid five dollars for it. I saw it. They paid too much. I have a painting of flowers in a vase that I am almost pretty sure was painted by Monet. I found it in a thrift shop. I also paid 5 dollars for it. I even thought about telling the world that I have it and become rich and famous but I'm not going to. I know that sounds stupid but at least I know for certain my stupidity is real.

...and dats dat. Another 'DIS and 'Dat.

ROBBLOG #883- Longing

 

I'm longing.

Longing for summer?

Not number one on my list of longings but it was Mayuary here on the Island and now it's Juneuary.

Where the feck is summer?

Temps are cool.

Just 5c last night.

Osoyoos- where it's basically a desert, had snow last night!

Yes, I guess I could be longing for a typical Island Summer but that's not on the top of my list.

No, what I am really longing for is theatre.

There. I've said it.

Moving to this Island The Mister and I had to give up theatre- both going to and performing in.

We gave up theatre like Mirvish theatre back in Toronto or  the Broadway stuff or West End London stuff. The last big show we saw was "Come from Away" and we didn't even see this Canadian production here in Canada. We saw it while we were in London before covid reared it's most ugly of heads.

Occasionally, a touring Broadway show comes to Victoria here on the Island.

A couple of years back we saw Jersey Boys- again, for the umpteenth time.

We saw it in Toronto twice when it was a sit-down production but longing for a big show we decided to see it in Victoria again. Casts in these touring shows are smaller than the Toronto presentations and it's noticeable.

We've seen some regional stuff in Chemainus which is just 20 minutes up island.  Shows like Mama Mia, Kim's Convenience and Grease were really, really good. However the longing is still there to trod the boards. A Brit show that was live-streamed Sunday night called "The Show Must Go On" was in aid of all people and things theatrical. Seeing all those performers get up an belt a song stirred my heart even more so.

I want to do theatre again.

I just don't know how to start here. 

I may have mentioned this in a Blog before.

I haven't really met any actors where I have developed an ongoing friendship.

Then, there's the age quotient.

Tempus fugit dammit!

 One of the many configurations of my Garage Door Players.
This show was called "The Gospel According to Life".

Writing this Blog helps keep my writing out there- whether you like what I write about or not. I see the numbers that read each blog. I know the stuff you readers ignore and stuff  you read. Some of it based on the title of the blog alone. 

Take a recent blog about penises. 

They've been in the news what with that MP showing his on zoom- not once but twice.

That was not read by a lot of people.

To be fair, if I saw a blog entitled  "Vagina", I'm not sure I'd read it either.

The thing is I can't expect you all to read all my blogs but I still write about certain subjects- like them or not. It is called "RobBlog" not NancyBlog or PeterBlog or KenBlog- right?

Besides this Blog, broadcasting my online radio stations Starlite and The Island's Golden Classics keeps me in "showbiz"- sorta.

However, these past weeks- in my mind at least, I've been re-writing "All for Nun" and calling it 

"All for ONE" but in this new show, the girls aren't Nuns anymore. 

It's a dangerous place to be in today. 

Wearing a habit. 

When it comes to all things Catholic. I'm not sure if the humour would be appreciated.

So my characters- Sister Mary Margaret, Sister Neutrogena, Sister Murray Anne and Father O'Mally, have left their order and church behind and now run a community centre. They won't be the first or last to leave their "faith" behind. "All for ONE" has the same characters only minus the "Sister/Father" title.

I think the schlock and jokes will still work. Mary Margaret will still be in charge and will now be a man in a dress- kaftan actually, not a habit.

I may have Mary Margaret explain the change or maybe I'll just leave it to be written in the programme synopsis. I could use a voice over or an onstage announcer who will tell all at the beginning of the show. The show will kick off with the song I wrote for a previous show which just happens to be called- All for One. I've even toyed with the song being " The Sound of Music" and the characters kick the "habit" before the song ends.

I dunno...

Once I have it laid out in my mind- as I usually do when writing, I'll start to put it down on paper or at least in the computer. Most writers scrawl copious notes. I think it through then rush to get it all down before I forget- keyboards keys heartily tapping. The Mister knows never to interrupt me when he hears a flurry of thought unless North Korea is dropping the bomb or Putin's shirtless on the back of a horse again. Pretty much the same thing.

Some of the initial scenes I write go straight from brain to paper and never see a change until they hit the stage. It's just my funny way of writing.

Burl Ives had a funny way of laughing. 

I have a funny way of writing.

So Kids in my moment of theatrical need I am relieving the itch by being creative.

Take this joke for instance-

Mary Margaret tells the audience that a friend of hers had passed recently.

When he was close to the end of his life, a relative leaning over the dying man and asked him if he wanted to renounce Satan before he departed this earthly coil.

The dying friend looked up at the relative and said-

"I'd like to keep my options open- if you don't mind, so feck right off!

Typical Mary Margaret stuff...