Gotta love a Queen.
Well from one Queen to another, as it is.
Today, A Queen went tree planting.
I wonder how many young saplings she's planted over the years? I expect her Princely husband has "planted" many young ones- but a Queen? Herself?
Anyways, there she was covered in red from head to toe when she was advised of the task at hand. Listening intently, she had a good think and appraised the situation as only A Queen can.
"Hmmm, a pile of dirt, a shiny shovel and the tree- WAIT! the tree's already in the God Damned Royal Hole? They're looking to me to be a tottering old thing- are they not?"- she looked 'round at them as stone-faced as One could have."
The attending crowd was hushed wondering what A Queen would do.
"One will show the multitudes." she thought pursing her rosy-red lips.
Looking straight at the young tree- sizing it up as it were, she turns to her lady-in-waiting and says something to the effect of-
"You'll have to hold this Dear- one's handbag, I can't do both.
One knows one's limits."
Then, a rather rotund, poorly dressed commoner steps forward onto the black carpet where A Queen is standing and proceeds to take it upon herself to explain what is about to happen and A Queen's options-
"Now then you can have someone actually plant the bugger for you- in this case a Horny Beamed Tree or you can wield this shiny, silver shovel that we purchased expressly for the Royal Hand."
She thought for a quick second- never looking up once while processing the situation.
"I'm not too old to plant a Fucking Tree!"- says the Queen, seeming a bit miffed and you just don't want to play around with a "miffed" Queen. I mean ask RuPaul...
She grabbed the Royal Spade and dug in with gusto exclaiming- "Oh Royal Fuckey Do Dah Day, One forgot to remove one's white gloves. Pausing for a moment between shovel fulls, she concluded that she was not to give it another thought for poor people in India or someplace like that were making more for One every day!" She clicked her heels with glee and continued shoveling the massive pile of black-brown earth into the hole surrounding the tree.
"I do hope someone threw in a handful of bonemeal before one started. It keeps the sapling stiff and strong!"- she said with a determined air and a lilt in her voice.
Someone in the crowd tittered!
After numerous clicks and flashes from press cameras, she threw the shovel onto the Royal ground in front of her, grabbed her bag from her lady-in-waiting and trudged off to have a Royal Pee in the privy nearby.
"Working in One's garden always makes one need to tinkle!" she called over her shoulder to the attending crowd and tinkle she did to the applause of all who were assembled in this Queenly spot!
Later that evening as her first dressing maid removed One's Royal stockings, she turned to her Royal Husband who was sprawled quite naked across the Royal Bed scratching his elongated, purple-hued balls and said-
"My Dear, they actually asked me if I could handle a fucking Royal shovel to throw a bit of dirt on the roots of a Horny Beamed tree and by the way who has ever heard of a Horny Beamed tree? Really, One would have preferred to plant a Prickly Pear!"
The Queen's Mister stopped scratching and nodded in his not-quite-Queen-like way for One should always but always agree with "A Queen".
"Why, that goes without saying My Dear!" as the Royal Male gazed down upon his own "prickly pear"!
Any Queen should be heeded for that matter or there could be H E Double Hockey sticks to pay.
Thus ended a Royal lesson of sorts...