It
was a Thursday afternoon, just a little past one-fifteen.
The
day was sunny and hot.
There
didn’t seem to be a breath of air anywhere- either in Heaven or down on Earth.
God
liked it hot.
In
fact, on this particular Thursday, he had yet to turn on a fan anywhere in the
whole house, so it seemed incredibly hot to those visitors who dropped by- like
the scribes who were writing God’s Memoirs or the Lepers who were in the
process of being healed.
Yes,
leprosy had reared its ugly head in Heaven in recent years and Heaven’s
scientists were working hard towards an anti-biotic that would put an end to rotting
fingers, toes and penises.
However,
the scientists weren’t quite there yet, so as usual, the task to cure Heavenly
inhabitants fell into the lap of God the Father Almighty- for the time being.
Still,
God liked it hot, much to the chagrin of the Lepers and others.
Not
as hot as “Hell-Hot” but still hot.
No,
Heaven on this particular Thursday afternoon was nothing like the heat that
rose up from the constantly burning fires in the pits of unholy hell but all
the same, God liked it pretty warm.
He
sat in a comfy chair by an open window that overlooked His garden, reading the
afternoon edition of The Daily Heavenly News while sipping on a tall glass of pink
lemonade.
Ahhh…God
knew that this was the life!
The
Holy Land- soon to be created down below on Earth, would have all that dust and
camel dung but he knew he would take Heaven every time. God even liked Heaven
better than his summer home on the planet Krylord. The idea of a separate planet
away from Heaven would eventually be attributed to the teachings of the Mormon
Church, that is, once he found a man who would dig up a few golden plates and contrive
a story so believable, hundreds of people would follow the charismatic leader across
a vast continent to build a church that eventually would be the subject of a
smash Broadway Musical.
God
was getting a little ahead of himself.
All
God really wanted to do was please all the soon-to-be religions that would someday
spread across the surface of the Earth. He decided to make the planet Krylord
from wool fibre and moisture he had gathered from the catch drain in the floor
of his laundry room. Not quite the Fairy Godmother’s “bibbedy-boppedy-booing”
and presto there’s a coach for Cinderella- but similar. So, it came to pass
that the planet Krylord- about a forty minute flight away on cloud nine, was
created on a Wednesday afternoon.
About
that same time on this incredibly hot Thursday afternoon, shepherds were
shuffling their feet- along with their sheep, down the street past God’s two
storey, detached, Craftsmen style-bungalow when God’s eyes suddenly fell from
the Daily Guardian onto earth below. God had had a skylight installed in the
garden recently, so he was able to see all the way down to Earth and into the
Garden of Eden. Prior to this innovation, God had to walk down the street, past
the Heavenly Tim Horton’s and peer over the edge of the cliff at the rear of
the Tim Horton’s parking lot to gaze down at Earth. The skylight meant God
could peer out his window anytime- day or night, keeping an eye on Adam and Eve.
As
he looked down through the skylight his eyes landed upon Eve sitting all alone
on a mossy-covered stump in the centre of the Garden of Eden.
She
seemed perplexed.
She
seemed angry.
She
seemed both perplexed and angry.
God
called down to Eve- “Everything alright Eve?”
Eve
was startled at first.
She
looked up and saw God gazing down at her. She wrapped an arm across her breasts.
“Oh
hi God.”-Eve called back waving with her free arm. “What can I do for you on
this delightful- yet warm, Thursday?”
“Oh
nothing in particular...”- said God softly.
He
paused.
“Everything
Okay with you?”- God wasn’t sure if it was any of his business but since he was
both the creator of Heaven and Earth He allowed his question to stand.
Eve
soon answered.
“Oh
…yes…well…things are fine, I guess.”
“Just
fine? I would say there’s a problem?”- said God. “Am I right?”
He
paused again-
“Say
Eve, where’s Adam at?”
“Well,
God. That’s just it. He and Steve are over at the swimming hole by the big date
palm and they’re skinning dipping!”
God’s
hands started to shake a little.
“Are
you telling me Eve that Adam and Steve- not Adam and Eve have gone skinny
dipping?”
Eve
hollered back- “Yes. That and so much more God”- she shook her head- “So. Much.
More.”
Now
God was perplexed.
He
had a picture of Adam and Steve in his mind’s eye. A pair of young, sun-bronzed
men getting up to playful hi-jinks only two, naked, sun-bronzed young men could
get up to. It was a pretty sight but certainly not the type of situation that
Eve wanted to see.
He
tried to think of the right thing to say.
You
know, like words of comfort for Eve- but he had nothing.
Nada.
Blank.
Then,
he had a thought. He looked down at Eve and once again spoke to her.
“Eve?”
“Yes
God, I’m still here. Alone. Sitting on this mossy-covered stump, getting green
moss stains all over my ass.”
God
smiled and looked down upon Eve- who once again covered her exposed breast.
With the most love and understanding he could muster said-
“Sorry,
about that! This changes everything. Look, can I get back to you?”
Eve
looked up at God and saying not a word, stood up from the mossy-covered stump.
She did indeed have green stains all over the cheeks of her ass. God could see
that all the way up in Heaven as Eve turned and ran deep into the Garden of
Eden.
As
she ran, her tits flopped back and forth, slapping and smacking against each
other in the hot, sticky, humid air of a Thursday afternoon.
