Tuesday, September 17, 2013


You know those cigarette packages with the nasty pictures of rotting lungs and dis-coloured organs?
You see them lying around trash bins, on street corners, at bus stops, on the lawn at local Secondary schools and outside those cheque-cashing stores.
I got to thinking that I could add a few more warnings regarding why a person shouldn’t smoke.
Maybe those pictures of rotting, puss-oozing gums are just not frightening enough. Maybe Health Canada needs to slam smokers where it really hurts- in their self-worth.
So, I sat down at my typewriter, lit up a Player’s Plain and as I blew smoke towards the ceiling, I came up with these few gems below.
The top15 additional warnings that could be placed on packs of ciggies.
Smoking can cause…
you to look refined- in a bad way.
you to look ghetto-ish.
you to look like you don’t have a pot to piss in.
you to appear to be an addict.
you to look like white trash.
you to appear like Lon Chaney. (Google it)
you to appear uneducated.
you to appear less-than-smart. (I didn’t want to say stupid!)
you to leave your children motherless or fatherless.
you to smell like a backed up sewer. (use a New York accent)
you to lose friends.
you to never reach middle-age.
you to appear lazy.
you to look like a street person wandering without a purpose.
you to look “cool”.
Okay with that last one, I’m yankin’ your chain here.
I don’t think so- James Dean aside…
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