The
Crabtree Herald News.
The
C R A B T R E E Herald
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NEW PEOPLE MOVING IN ON THE LANE
Crabtree, Ontario (local): by Winnie
Whynot
Matilda Beaufort told Millie Cox who
told Miranda Tannenbaum who told Delsie Dickenson who eventually told me (after
she shot down to Costco to buy Herbie her 2nd husband- after Arthur left her
for that 63 year old floosie from Beamsville- some new Stanfields) that the old
White House along the lane has been bought by City Folks!
Now, we're talking not only a couple
of full-blown Catholics here (according to Millie Cox) but a couple of
middle-aged Gentlemen who are apparently sharing the place.
Tillie Beckman told Mollie Seafoam
yesterday- when they both stopped for corn at Karl Hansen's stand, that these
two boys are not what you would term "the good-old variety". Tillie
says that she heard for a fact that they didn't even vote for Garfield Dunlop
in the last election but might have voted for that commie NDP guy.
Now- that’s queer! Ain’t it?
Of course, nowadays even the Liberals have
some commie leanings. Poor Old Mr. Dunlop must be beside himself knowing that
he alone is upholding all that remains of chastity and righteousness when it
comes to normal people like us who still know the meaning of the word family-
for pete's sake. Of course, that does not include Mary-Anne Brown who has been
seen twice at the Farmer’s Market in Orillia with a tall, dark-haired man.
Now, Tillie also says that these two,
unrelated boys know a lot about music, flowers and decorating stuff. The agent’s
identity I must protect under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. That’s the
same one that protects those same-sexually people who should just move to
Africa or Botswana if they think it's so bad out here.
She also says they’ve been seen
"out on the town" once or twice with others of “their same ilk”.
Now, this here agent has called these
two who have bought the place- “a little light in the loafers”. My first cousin
Barney was that way too and they sent him for therapy. I think the doctor gave him an insert for one or
both shoes and it seemed to clear it right up.
Anyways we should say welcome to these
gentlemen.
Malcolm that big strapping lad at the Pioneer
Station- the one with arm muscles bigger than watermelons, told me that he'll
be helping them move in.
“Just a neighbourly thing to do”- Malcolm says.
Good Lord! When is that boy gonna
start wearing underwear? A couple of weeks back I stopped by for premium
unleaded and I swear to Mary Magdalene I saw something big sticking right outta
those cut off shorts of his.
Connie Tagalong- who was in the car
with me, said I was probably just seeing the tail of his winder-cleaning brush stickin'
outta his pocket.
Lands Sakes that boy is always
strokin' his hair or something these days but he does do a good pump job for
everyone!
Well at least the newcomers will have
a friend right off the bat.
One last other bit of news…
Manny Kravitz has still been
underselling Harold Nutsley on the price of eggs every weekend out at the Organic
Market in Goon City. Harold tells me he'll have brown eggs at the market come
Saturday and they'll be up a bit in price.
So Manny Krevitz- if you're reading
this, Harold says:
“Up yours too!”
That's it till next week.
