Tuesday, April 24, 2018

ROBBLOG #715- No End to Our Good Days


Jesus, Mary & Josephine!
It looks like we've made it to live another day.

April 23rd has come and gone and no "End of Days".
Somebody made a big mistake- again, while prophesying our ruin and subsequent total damnation.

Speaking of total damnation, by now you've heard about that asshole who slaughtered innocent people as he drove and rammed a rental truck along a 2 km stretch of Yonge Street in North York in Toronto on Monday afternoon.
For those folks my heart goes out.
You get up in the morning expecting to make it through your day. You're looking forward to an after work drink or an evening meal with friends, family or co-workers and you don't get to make it through your day.
And why?
All because some maniacal idiot thinks killing people is doing a huge favour for some hateful, revengeful God figure that'll get him into some weird version of Heaven packed with virgins.
Not that the "normal" version of a Heaven isn't weird- it is, however that driver's version is completely f*cked up whether it's virgins or just attention he craves.
The F*ckpot!

These kind of horrendous events used to only happen in places like America or some hot, dust-ridden, god-forsaken country populated only by people in kaftans with camels and sand dunes.
Not so these days.
This can happen anywhere at any time.
As my Mum use to say: when your time is up- your time is up.

We have to make the most of our time here on this plane of existence for our own plug could be pulled at any time. That's why- and I may have said this before, that's why The Mister and I took a chance and moved our whole lives three time zones west to Vancouver Island, Canada.
Oh but it wasn't all fun and games.
It was stressful.
Sad.
Unreal.
Hard.
Life-changing.
Challenging-
yet Fun.

Being here on Vancouver Island in the city of Duncan has allowed us to relax and breathe. It has given us the opportunity to be outdoors ninety percent of the time since we arrived off the Ferry from Tsawwasen and mainland Canada back in August 2017.

We are not alone.
Lots of Ontarians are doing the same thing and they're not just screaming and running away from the likes of Patrick Brown or Doug Ford- even though those are two great, sound reasons to leave. Maybe a crazy person begging to be shot in the head is a good reason to pack up your old kit bag and get outta Dodge as well.

Weather is a major reason to come here to the Island and retirement.
Double digit temperatures in April- sometimes in February and March, are absolutely unbelievable for Canada.

A few days ago I was at a garden centre where a husband, wife and a red setter doggy named "Murphy" were admiring one of the plants on my cart. It was an Azalea with about a hundred buds all ready to bloom the most brilliant red.
"It's just amazing that I can plant this now- being from Ontario", I said to the couple while patting Murphy on his beautiful puppy head.
She shrieked- "My Husband and I are from Ontario too! Whitby. A year ago!
I said- "Orillia. 8 months ago."

Without a doubt, every second person you talk to here is either from Ontario or has family there. You'd be surprized at how many people know Orillia and have a relation or two there.
I never knew Orillia, Ontario was so worldly. Orillians as well as Ontarians, really get around and staying within the borders of our Canada too.
Health coverage is pretty much the same here.
Language is the same. There's even French s'il vous plait!
Federal laws- the same, of course.
"Island time" is a bit different and one would be amazed at the conversations one can get involved in whilst standing in a check-out line!

So kids, do your research and you'll see what the Island has to offer.
Google information is a few keystrokes away.
Here's something:
Seldom will you hear about us "Islanders" back East.
Seldom will a national weather forecast talk about the Mediterranean climate we live in here in the Cowichan Valley.
Seldom will newscasts report anything west of Vancouver and the Lower Mainland.

I suggest you do your research soon before another "End of Days" is upon us.
It could have a disastrous effect on the real estate value of your home, so you'll want to sell outside of a "biblical threat".

If Sodom and Gomorrah is Ontario- or even New Brunswick heaven forbid, Vancouver Island is surly "The Promised Land"!

Holy Moses!

Monday, April 16, 2018

ROBBLOG #714 The End of Days


Boy, it's been quite the nasty weather for parts of this wonderful country called CANADA.

Not here on Vancouver Island of course. No, we have been basking in double digit temps while planting our lavender, palms, banana plants and such. Unfortunately, some of you have seen rain, freezing rain, twenty to thirty centimetres of snow, ice pellets, high winds, Doug Ford ranting about being Ontario's next Premier and even more snow and freezing rain and wind.

It's been horrendous for Easterners to say the least.

So what the feck gives?
Think about it.
Cold, snow, power outages, accidents, the west bombing Syria, unusual April weather...
~pause~
For Goodness sakes People, it's the end of days as in the Prophecy.
You know- in the Good Book.

The date is nigh.
It's Monday April 23rd, 2018.
The day when thousands of you will be raised up to Heaven and millions of dead people- stuck in their coffins and whatnot underground for years, will accompany you.
Bleech.
It's not a pretty sight but once you have arrived in Heaven things will be hunky-dory and smell pretty darn good.



Now, those of us that don't wish to be a part of "The Rapture" and fly upwards on April 23rd should not feel left out. We are not lost- or to be pitied.
We will have 7 days or so- give or take, to come to our senses and fall to our knees to He who rules both Heaven and Earth.
You should know that He has plans on decreasing the surplus population if we don't see things His way.
Even so, it might not be such a bad idea to wait it out.
You know how these massive events can be...
People.
Noise.
Crowding.
Bad food.
Kids shrieking.
Assholes in front of you holding up the line, asking for better seats as you prepare to fly heavenward.

You should know that there'll be no First Class or Business Class as you fly to Heaven.
No window seats either. Every seat is a window seat.
It's all one contented class. All one BIG happy family.
It's what you have all been waiting for since time began.
Okay, maybe not that far back since the dinosaurs and early man don't count this time around but it is good news for those of you from Adam and Eve- or Adam and Steve, onwards.
You'll all be saved and fly equally.
By the way, I am not certain that you'll get air miles for this Rapturous Flight.

I have to come clean here. Perhaps, it's not exactly true that you'll all be treated equally.
You see, the Catholics- who practise the only true religion, will probably fly up front first as millions attempt what Sister Bertrille- Sally Field in real life, so ably accomplished on TV a few decades ago.

What a day this will be.
Monday April 23rd.
Circle the date on your calendar or make a notation in your "palm pilot".
The ends of days is upon us.
Good thing I didn't buy those Stampeders' tickets last week!
Oh My Lady- that was a close one!

So you all have a great and glorious day as you prepare for the inevitable and the "final" great and glorious day.

See you next time right here on my Blog...
or- maybe not...

Monday, April 9, 2018

ROBBLOG #713 Back to Bleeker Street


On Bleeker Street

A seemingly quiet, sunny Thursday Afternoon around 2:15 pm on Bleeker Street...

Jane: Holy Shite Blanche!!

~Blanche drives her wheelchair into the parlour where Jane is reading the Daily Rag, smoking a Players Plain Cigarette~

Blanche: Why, whatever is the matter Jane Dear?

Jane: This! This story here in the paper is absolutely disgusting. That's what it is. ~puff, drag, puff~ Plain, F&%#ing disgusting.

Blanche: What has you so upset in that filthy rag you're reading.

Jane: Blanche Dear, this rag as you call it ~puff, puff~ gives me wide variety of unbiased news and information!

Blanche: Oh Really...like what for instance?
~Blanche wheels back to the kitchen. Jane follows and sits on a stool~

Jane: Like this story right here on Page 11.


Blanche: This is the story that has you so upset I heard you screaming from the pantry cupboard.

Jane: Yes that's the F*^$ ing  story I mean Blanche.

Blanche: Well what is it Jane? Let me have it.

Jane: Oh Blanche Darling ~drag, puff, puff~ I would love to let you have it. I'd love to take that wheelchair you sit in like the cock of the rock and pound it to shit with a big sledgehammer!!

Blanche: Sister Dear, you say the nicest things! ~smirk~ So, what is it this time? Has the price of ciggies gone up- again?

Jane: Worse. This fellah in F^#+ ing England is giving his frostbitten toes to some bar up in the Yukon.

Blanche: Whatever for?

Jane: To use in a Gawd-Damned drink. That's what for. It's disgusting.

Blanche: Well, this time I must agree with you. The poor guy losing his toes...

Jane: Feck that Blanche! ~puff, puff~ What a perfectly good waste of Vodka!!

Blanche: Oh Dear. I should have guessed...

Monday, April 2, 2018

ROBBLOG #712 A Piece of Our Island

Holy Smokes People!

The Mister and I have been in Palm Villa here in the Cowichan on Vancouver Island for four months and already people are saying the nicest things!

Comments from- you have a beautiful home to your home is a "showplace", the accolades are coming our way already. I really must confess, I did not think we could outdo Pine Tree House back in Orillia, Ontario- perhaps we never will.

However, folks passing by are commenting on our lawn and gardens and of course our Windmill Palm. Our yard and gardens are smaller compared to what we had in Ontario but we are packing the plants in wherever there's a bit of space.
We must be on the right road.
We're hearing:
Lovely Gardens.
Lovely house.
Just lovely.

We have a red Muskoka Chair and matching wooden bench in a landscaped area just along the south side of the house.
How cozy.
How charming.
Nice red colour!
We are hearing all this and more.
I think colour wins the race and we love colour.

Brilliant Apple Red seating with bulldozer and Dirt in the background
Dale and Janet who cleaned our home before we took possession, stopped me this week as they were driving by to say they have cleaned almost every home in Stonewood Village and ours is the nicest inside.
How nice is that??
I don't now what this is based upon.
Interior colours?
Design?
Furniture?
Artwork?
All of the above?
Again it is so nice to hear.

We hope to get the rest of our Daylillies in the ground within the next week, The landscaper has to bring us more than a few shovelfuls of dirt to fill up our backyard first. In a couple of weeks our new year-round gazebo will be built. What a treat not having to take a canvas roof down every year as the first snowflakes fall. Here on the Island, these structures withstand Island weather- year-round.

Our Lanai. New construction in the background- from $520,000!
These days cherry blossoms, dogwood, azalea bushes and camellias are all out in bloom.
Colours of pink and burgundy, white and purple. A drive down city streets is absolutely beautiful. Throw in the brilliant yellow from forsythias and it's a feast for the eyes!

We still have more ideas for our gardens and we'll work hard at making them even better.

For many years we saw pictures of the beauty of springtime here on Vancouver Island but it is quite overwhelming to see it in person.

It makes one's heart sing.