Why can't I have a body like "Huge" Jackman.
I asked The Mister that very question.
"Why can't I have a body like Hugh (I call him "Huge") Jackman?"
"Honey, You're just not built that way- nor are you tall enough."
"I just thought with all the backyard labour I've been doing lately, my muscles would bulge and I'd grow a few inches."
"Darling,"- he answered with a wide grin, "If it was meant to be that you had a build like "Huge" it would most certainly have happened by now. Be happy with what you have."
Oh piffle and poppycock!
I met him- in person, once you know. "Huge" was standing outside the stage entrance at the Princess of Wales Theatre in Toronto. He signed a DVD cover of his stint in Oklahoma for me.
He looked at the curly-haired image on the cover, then smiled and said in his ever-so-cute Aussie accent-
"Well, that was a long time ago Bruce!".
He actually didn't call me "Bruce" but it gives you a small slice of the accent I heard.
He was charming.
Yummy.
Handsome.
Rugged...
and tall.
The show we saw was amazing.
Legs like a Vegas Showgirl!
A waist small and tight and a tuft of Australian chest hair peeking over the top of his brilliant, white shirt- which I kept hoping someone would rip off his damp, hairy body.
No one did.
Damn...
I see "Huge" is in a new movie these days.
Looks like it's about regressing oneself back in time.
Reminiscence?
Anyhow, it appears to give him the opportunity to strip off his shirt. It's a prominent shot in any of the promotional material I've seen on Twitter. I say good for him.
A man should be used from time to time as a ruddy slab of fresh meat.
Use him and then forget about him.
Throw him away.
Except I wouldn't. I'd be kind. Gentle.
I'd invite him for tea- around the swimming pool of course- if I had one.
We "boys" need something pretty to look at from time to time and "Huge" will do just fine.
I know he has a wife but she just has to get used to this adoration and share- right Dear?
Deb was in the audience at the Price of Wales.
He introduced her.
Blah. Blah. Boring.
I guess she has her use and I am sure she is a lovely person who gets to see "Huge" prancing naked out of the shower on most days.
"Huge" shirtless in his newest movie
"Huge" has "boyfriends too.
Ryan Reynolds is one. They look pretty tight.
I wonder if they've ever...
Naw...
That's just in my mind and in a perfect world.
So, I work away making paths on our terraced backyard. Sweating in the hot August sun. Laying down bag after bag of subdued red mulch.
Next a fence.
Down about terrace number four, we're running a decorative fence from one side of the property to the other. It's a natural cedar colour. It's not going to keep deer or vermin out. It's just going to be a backdrop to the terraces. A place where one's eyes stop.
Did you know that "Huge" spells "colour"- being Australian, like we do in this Dominion of Canada.
Yes he does!
It brings me closer to him.
Now this fence. It's like an upstage curtain with evergreen plantings along it's run so things will look pretty and green all year through.
We can have that on the island you know.
Pretty things.
Like the very talented "Huge" Jackman
I think I'll call my fence "Huge".
Strong.
Strapping.
Naturally rough.
~pause~
Really, it's probably time for me to get a reality slap- isn't it?
