Wednesday, March 23, 2016

MILDRED'S BLOG #597 (formerly RobBlog)

Mildred Fanny's ReBUTTal
Note: In the interest of fair representation, I am allowing Miss Mildred Fanny to have a moment of rebuttal regarding the content of a new show I have written called "All for Nun...The 2nd Coming".
Dear Sir or Madam,
First of all, I wish to thank Mr. Reid- immoral Atheist and poofter that he is, for allowing me to make a few points regarding a new stage show he will be presenting this summer. Mr. Reid asked myself and several other devoted Catholic Women- including Dorothea Swagman, to read his soon to be produced script. I must say I was shocked at some of the words I saw on the page. After Dorothea glanced at the first act, she has taken to the demon drink once again and refuses to allow her husband to see her in her foundations (girdle and stockings) before bedtime. I think you can understand the severity and untold affect many of the words- and resultant images, imprinted upon the script pages Mr. Reid- post hole digger that he is, handed me.
So shocked was I, I am  still quite unable to take full breaths and have decided to both reply and lodge a weighty complaint through my telephone equipment. You may dictate my words to a quality typist for publication. I don't use my twat so I am unable to tweater on that- nor do I post my face- or any other body part for that matter, on facelook which I understand is nothing but the Den of Satan.
Now to my point that Mr. Reid- man-muffin that he is, has allowed me to share with his readership.
I read his play with great trepidation and my initial instincts have proved to be more than correct. This is no Passion Play regarding the life, untimely exit and ultimate return of our Dear Catholic Lord Jesus. The  words "The Second Coming" had me fooled for a moment. Now, I don't want to sound smutty here but my second coming did not come to fruition for at least 7 months after my wedding night and safe to say there have not been that many since. I simply tell my husband George that I am not a filthy old rag rug that simply lies still in order for him to reap and sow his manly pleasures. I am woman. Hear me roar. Anyway, my husband George seems to be quite happy toddling off- these many years,to the barn and milking his own cow without bothering me about it all.
I am sure Jesus smiles down upon me. Praise Jesus Lord of all earthly men.
Now then my point. I am not sure the Nuns in this show are a proper representation of the Holy Church. The Catholic Church- as anyone who has half a brain and keeps his plunger in his pants will tell you, is the only "real" church and the sooner the Protestants- especially the Anglicans, get that- the better we'll all be.
Don't get me started during this Eastertide on the Jews who killed our Lord and Saviour. Those people should never have stopped wandering.
Chosen people my hemorrhoidal fanny cushion!
We Catholics are the "chosen" ones.
Why who has the Vatican and a Pope?
It certainly isn't the Jews or the Baptists for that matter.
As for those Nuns, I really don't believe they are true "nuns"- except for that Sister Mary Margaret who is one of the most devout, true and devoted Christian women I have ever met. She is a lady through and through, crafted in the image of the woman Eve in the Holy Blessed Garden of Eden- which the Mormons- through diligent study and sacred archeology, believe to be in Southwest Arkansas. This Sister- through and through, is indeed an example of a true "Bride of the Christ".
Listen to me people! I want these immoral representations of dedicated Holy women stopped immediately for Catholic Jesus' sake. I know he would be less amused and more ashamed.
While I am on the topic of my Lord, why in Heck do the Protestants think they have some right- after two thousand years, to tell me and my beloved church that we have the Lord's "colouring" all wrong? WTF?
For those uninitiated in short forms- WTF is Why The Foolishness.
What does all this mean when a Protestant is at home? That our Jesus should be dark skinned?
Roasted Poppy Cock!
Have none of these people ever seen Ben Hur starring that lovely, large, well-muscled, God-fearing- albeit non-Catholic man, Charlton Heston?
Anyone with a heart devoted to Jesus knows that as the Son of God he would have blonde hair and blue eyes and nobody is going to change my beloved Bible after so many centuries.
No Sir and in that I am unilingually  unilingual!
And finally, for the Sake of Jesus- our all powerful Lord in Heaven, his Father and the Holy Ghost- Casper, please keep lowly women such as myself out of the priesthood and in the kitchen where we belong- and I'm talking to the likes of you Jann Arden and Premier Kathleen Wynne.
In conclusion, I do not believe this play would be looked upon with approval by our Lord and therefore I must tote his line and sinker and bequest the same to Mr. Reid- stinker that he is.
Thanking You in the Name of Catholic Jesus, I remain-
Mildred Fanny
P.S. Happy Eastertide for Christ The Lord has Risen today. Hallelujah!
P.S.S. I hope you are feeling better soon Dorothea.