Saturday, December 5, 2015


Here it is folks. A new conversation with God. I picked up the phone and called God to say hello in advance of the busy Holiday Season.
Me: ~ring~
Himself: Hello...
Me: Hello God. It's Rob!
Himself: Well, Well, Well...My stars! And they are MY stars Rob. A little Godly humour there. Good to hear from you. How are things and did you enjoy your trip across the pond to London?
Me: Things are great with me and how did you know I was in London?
Himself: Oh it's that Omnipresent thing Robbie.
Me: Right, you know all and see all. I keep forgetting.
Himself: Well it keeps me busy keeping an eye on your folks on my earth.
Me: I can imagine. First of all, I guess the big question on everyone's lips God- is why don't you do something about those ISIS folks. I mean they are creating havoc with their killing of innocent people. I mean they throw Gay men off buildings. Stone them to death if they survive to say nothing of the loss of life in Paris a few weeks ago...
Himself: Well, Rob. I get asked that a lot and there's no simple answer.
Me: What about 40 days ands nights of rain? That worked last time.
Himself: Did it? Did it really Rob? A lot of innocents lost their lives. It was a big price to pay to start over. Besides I want to come up with something original. I will say I am trying to push the powers that be in the right direction. I have to be careful though.
Me: Why? You're the Father Almighty?
Himself: Well, yes with some folks on earth and Klindon 5 but not everyone subscribes to me and my ways.
Me: Klindon 5?
Himself: Oh yes. I am very, very popular on Klindon 5. Oh for pete's sake, you're probably not familiar with that planet- are you Rob?
Me: No. Not at all.
Himself: Earth people haven't found it yet but you will. It's right under your noses.
When you do it'll give you another option for a winter getaway besides my favourite place on earth- Hawaii.
Me: I love Hawaii too.
Himself: I know you do Rob ~smile~. It's a lot like Heaven you know.
Me: Really? That's good to know.
Himself: Oh yes. Warm and green like most of Heaven. Now listen about those ISIS folks. The time will come when they are put in their place. It won't be easy and it won't be without some of you coming up to me earlier than you should but it will come to pass.
Me: Well, that's good to know- I guess.
Himself: Trust me Rob. I do look out for you all even though sometimes it may seem I am not around or don't care. As a matter of fact I have my Son working on a couple of things now. The problem is he'd rather be at the beach playing volleyball than doing my work. Kids, eh?
Me: Yah. Kids. So listen are you getting excited about the Christmas Season?
Himself: Oh yes indeedy do. I love Chistmas! Always have...well for at least the last couple of thousand years or so. Before that December was just another month but being a bit of a Drama Queen...
Me: Drama Queen? I am surprized to hear you say that?
Himself: You shouldn't be ~laughs~. I am one of the original Queens here in heaven. I mean really Rob, I wear a shift 365 days a year and I wear it well I must say and I love Drama so when I wanted to have a kid I had to do it in a big, big way.
Me: Well I must tell you God that the Christmas Story with the Manger and stuff is pretty terrific.
Himself: Thanks!
Me: Can't the same for Easter though. I mean that's a barbaric story. I don't believe that was a good choice- if you don't mind me saying so.
Himself: No, not at all. It's not for everyone's taste. If I could, I'd redo it but too late for that now. The books out there.
Me: So do you decorate and shop for Christmas in Heaven?
Himself: Oh Jesus Rob! Yes. Jesus is still just a kid at Christmas. His Mother Mary- The Queen of Heaven and his Dad- Joseph, still make a big deal out of the Holiday Season. Oh, by the way. Speaking of Dad, I was talking to yours the other day...
Me: My Dad?
Himself: Yes. Sometimes we go fishing together on Lake Cloud. He's a great fisherman.
Me: Yes, he always was...
Himself: He sends his love by the way..Rob. Rob? Are you still there.
Me: ~sigh~ Umm. Yes. Yes of course. I am still here...
Himself: Never gets easier- does it? Loss of a loved one I mean.
Me: No. It never does.
Himself: Wish I could come up with something besides death. It is on my list of things to do. Anyway, we are all ramped up for Christmas. Hey Rob, I have a solo this year at the Christmas Eve service at St. Me's Church.
Me: St. Me's?
Himself: Well it's the best I could come up with. I get to sing O Holy Night. It's a personal Favourite.
Me: I'll bet.
Himself: Well look Rob, I have to go decorate a tree over at Mary and Joseph's. It's kind of a yearly family thing. I put on the lights and Jeez adds the balls. Mary does the garland and Joseph makes the drinks. Hah Hah!
Me: Sounds like fun!
Himself: It is! Have a great Christmas Rob and we'll talk again soon. Merry Christmas.
Me: Same to you God. Bye for now and Happy Holidays!