Monday, December 22, 2014


Christmas Dis and Dat 

It’s a definite test of one’s patience and “Holiday Cheer” when you venture into a busy department store or mall at this time of year. The crunch is on! People are wide- eyed like Bambi caught in the headlights of an oncoming Ford Falcon. We never seem to learn though. As a friend’s husband says to his wife Roxanne every year-“Did you forget that Christmas falls on December 25 Dear?” 

At our house we have decidedly cut back on Christmas giving these past few years. We are dispensing with giving a lot of gifts to each other on Christmas Day. This year I gave Tom a new furnace. He gave me a new verandah.
Nice, eh?

Oh, there’s a turkey in the fridge to be cooked. Last week we treated ourselves to Jersey Boys- front row even! We’ve bought little things for host(ess) gifts when we see friends over the Holidays- but that’s it. 

We still “make merry”!
A few days ago we were invited to a gathering at friend’s house. One guest was going on and on about people not saying “Merry Christmas” so much anymore. I get so tired of hearing this, so I said- I say Merry Christmas- even though I’m an Atheist!
You could have heard a pine needle drop on the Victorian carpet. 

In other Christmas News… 

Please tell people who litter their front lawns with those monstrous blow-up decorations to stop!These colourful, rubber monoliths add little holiday sparkle. We have new neighbours who have taken up the cause of a blowup Christmas. Yes, I admit to being “snobbish” about these things. I am sure they would look more at home in another city ward. Just not ours! This “bunch of bloated” beings are the only decorations of this type for blocks around!
Oh well. Fah-la-la-la-lah-la-la-la-lah!! 

Good on the City of Orillia for providing free parking Downtown once again this year. For a few weeks when I pull into a lot to “Shop Downtown” I am not frustrated searching for major coinage to feed the blasted meter. Any wonder it’s easier to drive to West Ridge or The Mall. Geeesh! 

Many of us have been shopping online this year and wait for Canpar, the UPS Man or Canada Post to conveniently bring our purchases to our front door. That’s a good idea. On the other hand, a helpful note: It might save you some time if you check a store’s website if you intend shopping in person to see if they even carry the item you’re searching for. 

My final few bits of Holiday Dis and Dat concern parties and music. Now I am no Louise Fox but if you intend “decking the halls” at your company Christmas Gathering it’s a good idea to leave the lampshade at home and remember to wear underwear.  

I love Christmas music. I start playing it on Swisssh and Starlite the minute the Santa Claus Parade schlepped through Downtown Orillia. However, I am sure most of you will agree, I don’t like every Holiday tune out there.

Hence, I don’t play that blasted song about the “Christmas Shoes” and Mommy meeting Jesus. I am sure it’s the same chain-smoking, blue-rinse, gin-soaked “dolly” who repeatedly asks terrestrial radio stations to play it.  

While we are on the subject of Christmas Music- if Jesus is reading this column, please make that Hippopotamus Song or any Christmas tune sung by the late Whitney Houston and that freakin’ Mary’s Boy Child from Boney M disappear- if you can. 

God, Bless us every one!