Friday, January 25, 2013


So, how’s January treating you so far?
It’s treating fat assholes very nicely and that’s all I am going to say about that.
However, the rest of us are suffering through the cold and the blahs of this wintery time of year- unless you’re one of the nuts racing about on their snow machines or trudging out on frozen expanses of water to shiver and shake while pretending to be sportsmen luring fish to certain death. The skiers are happy as well, getting frostbitten cheeks as they swoosh down snow-packed county hillsides.
It goes without saying- but I’ll say it anyway- I HATE WINTER.
I am more of a palm tree, sand and surf kind of guy.
Warm trade winds. Guys in speedos. Hot sun. Cold drinks.
Back when I was returning to this plane of living I didn’t read the fine print about Canada being a winter-like country most of the year.
I liked the name.
I liked the wide-open spaces.
As far as I can remember, I must have checked the wrong box when deciding where to be born again- not in the religious sense, this time around.
In past times I am sure I lingered on the warm sands at Waikiki Beach. I probably watched Joe Kahuna
teach the mainlanders how to surf on crude surfboards actually made of wood- not the plasticized models of today’s surfing crowd.
Can’t do much to change life this time around.
I just have to live with it.
I do my best.
Being cold and living through a Canadian winter is just a part of life.
Not a normal part of life but life just the same.
It’s a lesson learned to be sure. I mean  just having the “kahoonies” to go outside for even a few minutes.
I hibernate, unless I go out for a meal, a Tim’s coffee or I need to buy  loaf of bread.
How can we possibly be glad about freezing temps? Everyone you talk to is complaining. That’s because we haven’t had cold like this in a couple of winters.
Last year it was “coolish” but at least one could get outside and walk or bike.
I can hear the folks laughing in warm spots like Hawaii or Florida right now.
Minus 40.
Better Canadians than me- they’ll be saying.
So, that’s how January is treating me so far.
I don’t hold out much hope for February either.
She can be every bit a bitch like January.
Stay warm.
Think warm thoughts.
Have a Bailey’s.
Buy a property in a warm country- if you can afford it.
If not you can always dream about it.
I do. Things around here are liable to stay on the cool side for a bit longer.