Monday, November 20, 2017

ROBBLOG #675



So how's it going out there on the Island?


We are hearing that a bunch these days.
Fine, fine, we say.
Partial truth. Partial fib.


Imagine having your life disrupted for three months. It's been three months since we left Ontario.
Living in Priscilla our RV for 33 days and now in this granny suite apartment has been "different" to say the least. Blame it on the builder or the municipality- you choose. With the delays- 4 and a half months of them, it's been rough to have a normal day-to-day home life.


Tom and I haven't seen our furniture, the majority of our clothing, Swisssh and Starlite Radio or other general stuff like outdoor furniture since August 15th.
I shouldn't complain
There is an end in sight in just over a week.


Now, with the snow and snowsqualls back in what I call "old home", we know we'd rather be here on the Island.
We aren't shovelling.
It's not cold.
Let me be truthful here. It's not the tropics but I'll take 8, 9 or 10 degrees and green grass anytime.
Now that deciduous trees have lost their leaves, the green is really standing out across the landscape. Lawns, cedar trees, arbutus trees, rhododendrons, yuccas, holly trees, palms, privets and English laurel are all still a vibrant green and will remain so.


Garden Centres are still open. Here's some Canadian Tire plants for sale
in their Outdoor Garden Centre.
We still wear shorts when it's 9 or 10 degrees and sunny.
Hah- Easterners!
I understand the Island rule is 6 degrees outside and it's okay to wear shorts. Nobody looks at you funny and says- "you're wearing shorts?" like back in Ontario during the month of October.


We were at a Christmas show called Christmas Chaos on the weekend and many folks were in shorts- like us, some, in sandals. Scarves are simply a decorative bit of fashion flair like in London or Paris. I want you to know, I have put the flip flops away for the winter!


There are island folks about who hope for snow.
Can you imagine?
"Oh, it's so pretty!"- they say.
"The kids love it!"- others tell us.
"It's brighter than rain and clouds!"- we hear from others.
&*&^%!!- I reply.


I usually pull out my phone, show them Ontario Winters with snow and ice and tell them this is what we left behind.
Their eyes get all big and round looking at the photos.
They crack a small smile.
They have no idea what it's like plowing one's way through January and February. Consistent cold, shovelling, ice and rough roads.
No folks, Island life is better- even if there is the possibility of February snow and that could just as well stay up on Mount Prevost or Tsouhalem and I'd be happy with that.


Snowy Orillia, Ontario
I know all things will get better once we unpack our treasures- including one small shovel, less than a couple of weeks from now.
I am excited at the prospect.
Placing furniture.
Hanging pictures.
Putting up my three Christmas Trees- wearing shorts.
Fah Lah Lah Lah Lah.


How nice.







Saturday, November 18, 2017

ROBBLOG #674 W E E K E N D Edition




Haven't done a DIS 'N DAT since like forever..so here goes.


1. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas here on the Island. The Big Christmas Craft Show is on at the Island Centre- home of the Big Hockey Stick.


2. The Big Hockey Stick ( 'ockey stick if you are from Quebec) adorns the Island Highway side of the
Island Centre. You can't miss it. It's pretty big but not that impressive. It's just a stick after all...Now the big "Puck"- that's something!


3. Are you as tired as I am hearing about men and women being sexually touched without their permission?


4. Is it dirty/bad thinking about Terry Crews in a little red speedo- if I keep it to myself?




5. When is the United Church just going to let Gretta Vosper get on with it. It's only the Holy Trinity she doesn't believe in after all, not the end of the world. She believes in love and good and treating people fairly. So, what is bad about that?


6. I have great disdain for old ladies who stand behind you in the 12 items or less checkout at the grocery store and count your items!! No, it didn't happen to me but my haircutter Sharleen.


7. What was Sharleen's total item count? A measly fourteen items and the cashier had called her over before the old lady got in line behind her. Sharleen even offered letting the old lady go first. Geesh!


8. Attention all "Old Ladies!!" Get a life or go to Bingo or something!


9. A man buys a photo for $10. Turns out it's a real picture of Billy the Kid and Pat Garrett. Mr. Garrett eventually shot the Outlaw Billy "real dead".


10. Someone buys a painting- supposedly painted by Leonardo da Vinci, for peanuts and sells it for 450 million dollars! JESUS CHRIST!!
That's the subject of the painting. Now, like the Mona Lisa, the subject knows a dirty little secret based on the little, smirk of a smile we see. Hey! Maybe it's Mona in a different wig or maybe the Mona Lisa is really Jesus in drag. Either way, 450 million is a lot of peanuts to pay for a pic.



11. From the "Only in America Department", someone is hosting an event called "Come Meet a Black Person". For 15 bucks and a couple of drink tickets, anyone who has never met or befriended a person of the "Black Persuasion" can do so at this event. Just ahead in the same series-
"Come meet a Gay".
"Come Meet a Serial Killer" and
"Come Meet and Touch Someone You Have Always Wanted To Touch".


12. A Prairie Nun- Sister Rosetta Reiniger, believes the Saskatchewan Roughriders Football Club have God- The Big Guy, on their side. That's right, the "Sister" believes that Jesus's Dad wears a Roughrider Jersey when slumming around the H of G. (House of God) Why not? This is a Nun from the same church that believes there's an open hotline between the Pope and the Big Guy up there in Heaven. No word on who Jesus, The Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary favour.


So, that's DIS 'N DAT.
I feel like a weight has been lifted.

Monday, November 13, 2017

ROBBLOG #673




"At the end of the day aren't we all whores looking for that pole to take our last ride on"
                                                            - Karen Walker

Today, I'd thought I would start with a quote from one of my favourite people. It's a funny quote to be sure but it has a serious side too.

The last ride.

I was watching a programme the other evening where a lot of twenty-somethings where creating what looked like an amazing stage show. When interviewed, several of the cast said that this was the big moment in their lives. It set the stage for what they needed and wanted to accomplish in their life on this crazy planet.

I thought about these younger folk who were still bright-eyed and busy-tailed. The world- they felt, was at their feet. The future was whatever they made it.
It was in their grasp.
They were in control.
This was their future and they were going for it all and holding on tight. They were going to enjoy the ride. The dance of their life.

I started thinking about my life and wondered if I had grabbed on tight and did all that I could have done or wanted to do.

These younger people were so excited about what lay before them. They could at this point in their young lives do whatever they wanted...or so they believed.

I sat there, my little inside voice asking me- have you grabbed life where it counts and are you ready to take that last ride on the pole of life? Whoring does not just have a sexual connotation here. Whoring is latching on. Going over the top. Taking what you want. Fighting for it. Lusting after it.
I began to wonder if I had taken my last steps towards that "pole".

Career-wise, I am through. I'm not working for a living now. I am not sure if I ever worked hard enough at my living. I could have done more if I had of had the drive. Most of the time, I just got by.

Now, I'm living each day my way. Doing this and that.
Of course moving about as far west as one can move in this glorious country of ours in no small feat.
It's been one hell of a way to wind-down.

I can hardly wait to be sitting in my favourite chair in my new house with my husband next to me saying- "look Hunnie. We made it. We followed our dream once again. We made it ours and saw it through.

I think you have to do that.
Follow a dream. Do something big like those kids in that show.
I know it's easy to say and it would be even easier with oodles of cash on hand to reach that dream but I guess you have to look at the whole picture and if you can and if you want to- you can make the change and afford the dream.
It might take some work.
Some heartbreak.
Some regret but also a new vision for the future and let's face it, the future is all that there is ahead of us.

I have looked ahead at this last part of my future. The inescapable winding down of life. The last three decades- if I'm lucky, is right there ahead of me. I can't change that but I can and did change where I'm going to spend it.

I asked my husband the other evening- "If I were to pass away, you know, travel to that next phase in existence, would you stay here on the island without me?
He said- "Yes. It's my home now."

I think we've both found that pole.


Friday, November 10, 2017

ROBBLOG #672 W E E K E N D Edition


Lest We Forget...We Remember

My Dad- Walter Harvie Reid WWII Veteran

My Mum- Marion Ruth Reid (Nee Bartley)
Bomb Girl and Supertest Grill Gal


My Mum on Left and her fellow war workers
The BOMB GIRLS

The Red Ensign our Flag until 1965









Wednesday, November 8, 2017

ROBBLOG #671


A midweek Blog to compliment your day.

Firstly, I want you to know that Tom and I also have funds "offshore". Like other famous and rich folks we have our cash offshore from the mainland on the Island. So far, the press has not discovered this and our names have been kept out of the news.

Whew!!

We have learned many things coming to The Island off Canada's "Wet" coast or "Left" coast.
Nobody told us before we arrived and since we didn't know anything about it in the first place, why would we do a Google search about owning a vehicle in BC? We had to buy a new van when we discovered our old Montana van couldn't pass muster. Muster is a BC out-of-province test for out-of-province vehicles that you can't study for.

Our 2003 Montana failed- even though we could have kept driving her in Ontario.
A cash grab?
Maybe- but the story here would be vehicles are tested to keep unsafe vehicle off the roads.
The car insurance here is provincially run by the government and seems to be a make-work project and doesn't protect locals from inflated rates or ridiculous plans. There is no choice- somewhat like in Russia only Canadian in flavour.

If you Easterners think it's so bad here-
Why dontcha just go back home to Ontario?
Now our RV-Priscilla, sitting on a lot at Arbutus RV located at the Nanaimo Airport, is waiting to be sold. However, she needs an out-of-province test as well. If she passes, we simply change plates to BC. If not we fix her in order to sell her.
Two points to note here.
We spent over $5000 back in Ontario replacing "stuff" AFTER Heidi's RV gave her a pass on the safety check. Something wrong there...

If she doesn't pass the O.O.P.C. we could drive her back to Ontario and sell her there hoping the safety check would still pass.
That will cost money or we pay for the O.O.P.C. here on the Island and if repairs are required, we pay for the work.
Apples and Oranges.
We are waiting for the O.O.P.C. to hear the results.
~ugh~

We've also been learning some local lingo.
For instance a "patio home" is one built on a concrete slab- no basement.
On the other hand, many basements here are not basements but are partially or totally above ground and sometimes are referred to as the "lower level".

A home we used to call a bungalow in Ontario is a "rancher" here.

When you go into a restaurant and order a toasted western, you may get a funny look. That's because "Westerns" are "Denvers" out here. A little American I'd say. I've also seen "cheque" spelled "check" in many places. Tsk. Tsk. WE are losing little bit of our identity allowing that to happen.


Maple Bay is 10 minutes from our front door.
Oh!....This past Sunday we walked to our new build from the apartment where we are currently residing until possession date. It was a nice half hour walk, partly along the Trans Canada Trail. We stood looking at our house from our soon to be front yard, when an old grey-haired lady- with a cigarette stuck between her lips, sauntered by us. She didn't say anything but kept one eye on us as she passed. Then she disappeared into a house under construction across the street.- outside walls but no windows and doors. She did re-appear, mumbled hello as she passed us and flew down the street on her broom. We have since been told she is nosey old complainer who likes to stir the pot.

I am not worried. I have my anti-witch spray in storage. It works on both women and men- warlocks in this case. How come every neighbourhood has one of these?

Talk to you next time...











Monday, November 6, 2017

ROBBLOG #670


Nota Bene: This BLOG has a picture of Male Buttocks below.
I couldn't help it!


Welcome to the first "full" week in November!

I am Blogging today with a note to Kathleen Wynne Premier of Ontario.

Kathy, I looked at the list of Ontario Cities where legalized pot will be sold at LCBO outlets. Katie, it really is non of my beeswax- since as of August 22nd I live in British Columbia and not Ontario. I mean, here on the Island the smell of friggin' pot wafting across neighbourhoods is as prevalent at the smell of piss in the streets of Paris.
I don't like it.
The pot that is, although the smell of Parisienne Urine is not on the top of my list of favourite scents but it is Paris after all and Paris beats almost anything.

I don't agree with Justin legalizing it and I can't agree with the choice of the Ontario Cities where you will allow it to be sold.
I mean c'mon Kath, Orillia isn't on your list?
Orillia has been home to lots and lots of Potheads since the beginning of time.
People smoked it.
Grew it. Baked it. Rolled it.
They made fun of it and most importantly were stoned on it ever since I can remember.
Cripes the CBC even did a story on it when I was in High School back in the 60's.

Pot Gentlemen to be sure....
I mean in Orillia, couldn't pot stores could set up shop right next to the meth clinics?
How convenient, eh?
I know you want to have the LCBO distribute the foul weed but you could make an exception for Orillia. Gee, Kate, throw in a cash store and another Dollarama and the lineup would be around the block!

You really need to get to know Orillia, Kath. Don't discount this Central Ontario city just because the Conservatives kiss the ass Patrick Brown sits on. The Tories in Orillia and area would lick
Doug Ford's balls if they were offered to them in the display cabinet- next to the sour cream Timbits, at one of the many fine Tim Horton Outlets peppered across the city.

Look Kaff, the point is, you saw fit to skip Orillia and sell the mood altering plant in Barrie.
Now, I know you can't stand Patrick Brown- I can't either- obviously, however, living in BC, I don't have to worry about that any more. I have the Green Party to keep me entertained here.

All being said and done, I am concerned.
I mean look at that young, prominent Orillia fellah who has his lips permanently stuck on Pat's lower cheeks without the aid of velcro. What might he do and believe if he were able to buy whacky tabacky locally, instead of driving to Bah-ree.
The sky is the limit Kate. He might follow in Garfield's family footsteps one of these days and be a problem down the road for you- like Patrick is today.
No!
Wait!
He isn't Garfield's son, so that won't work but then again maybe he is Paddy's seed.
I mean do we really know Kathleen?
I digress...

Back to Mr. Brown.
Surely you know what he has been up to and what he is really like.
I mean really...isn't his office just down the hall? You must hear and see things? Ask your wife.

Now, I know he comes off as not being able to say "tah tah" if his mouth was full of it but "Geeze Louise" lift his flap and you'll see he has an expiration date just like the Mary Jane you are marketing practically everywhere else but Orillia!


Oh, I know places like Midland and Owen Sound and Dryden aren't on your list either but would they really be on anyone's list for anything- except a list of the "buttcracks of the world"?
Now, c'mon people, if you live there you know what I mean.
I spent 38 minutes in Dryden this past summer.
You think that little Katie just made a little mistake and forgot about you?
No.
It was on purpose. This fine upstanding Lesbian Premier of Canada's biggest and best province
is that powerful and as a Gay Man I have nothing against Kate. I like her. I have met her. She is one of "us" and as you know- the Lesbians keep the flannel shirt industry booming.

Look folks, if you don't have an LCBO Pot Store near you, you'll have to get a PayPal account and buy your stash online just like everyone else who lives in a forgotten Ontario Town or City that doesn't vote Liberal.

So, poor old Orillia.
I feel for you Lady.

Kate, this is an oversight I am sure.
I have to believe this to be true- even though I have never, ever touched pot in any way shape of form.

Look, I was born right there at Soldiers Memorial Hospital in Orillia.
Ya, probably one of the reasons I turned out Gay.

Well, that and being run over on my tricycle when I was three years old- according to my Dad.
That's another story for another time.

You deserve better Miss Orillia and your potheads do as well.

This photo may or may not be a reasonable facsimile of a Pot Smoker.




Friday, November 3, 2017

ROBBLOG #669 W E E K E N D EDITION


Ahhhh....November.

A  most useless month if there ever was one- unless it's a birthday or anniversary month for you.
Yet, it is a pre-curser to Christmas in Canada and these days once the pumpkins are thrown on the compost heap, jingle bells are in the air.
I use the latter part of the month to set up my Christmas Trees and decorate this and that around the house- both inside and outside.


This year though- we have no house!!!
At least- not yet.
However, by the end of the month we should be moving in to Stonewood Village here on The Island.
I don't expect to pull holiday d├ęcor out of boxes until the end of the first week in December. Our belongings are being delivered on December 2nd. I'll be one "mad elf" trying to accomplish the normal tree decorating that I usually do over a week in late November.
Never mind though.
It will get done.
Just know- The Holidays are Coming"!

A couple of weeks back I was thumbing through December's House and Home Magazine and saw some neat little tree decorations in a Canadian Tire ad.
I have been into the local Cowichan Canadian Tire 2 or 3 times over the past couple of weeks and the Christmas stuff was just being put on display- albeit slowly.
Even these first few days into November, Island stores seems slower than Ontario stores in getting the holiday merchandise out on display.

I remember Orillia's Wal*Mart every year it was all Christmas- holiday tunes piping through the sound system and all, the morning of November first! As I said a bit slower here. Hallowe'en costumes and tons of candy still lined the "seasonal shelves" at our Wal*Mart's exit doors.

I had better luck looking for Christmas Tree decorations today at Canadian Tire. The items I saw in the Canadian House & Home Magazine were finally on display and I picked up three or four blown glass ornaments- including a pink 1950's era car with a Christmas Tree tied on top as well as a glass ornament resembling a "Canadian Passport".
Neat!
To accessorise the passport ornament, there was a glass blown "suitcase" with travel stickers on the side from London, Paris, New York and Hawaii.
Well, Tom and I have been to all those exotic places so I had to pick one up. Always room on the tree for one more!

With those ornaments in hand, we headed to the automotive department to find grey-coloured floor mats for the Grand Caravan.
Hint: Do  NOT buy a vehicle with black interior carpeting. It shows every little bit of dirt and crapolla. These new floor mats will hopefully disguise some of the "dirt" carried in to the van and onto the carpet by dirty and puppy paws.

Now, lastly, I have a question for Mr. or Mrs. Canadian Tire.

We headed for the checkouts with our mats and ornaments and there on a shelf- just before the check outs, were BBQ lighters.
You may have a picture in your mind.
Red in colour.
Comfortable handle. Long nose to stick into the BBQ, kindling pile in your wood-burning fireplace or the wick of a candle.
Flick the switch and a small flame lights.
Easy-peasy but not so at Canadian Tire.
Although there were some "ordinary-looking" lighters there were others in the shape of guns.

A Gun....the gift that keeps on killing.

My question. Were these lighters supposed to be cute?
They were not!

It was frightening and WRONG.
It looked out of place.
One lighter was an AK-47. It said so right on the box.
Another looked like a rifle and the third maybe an uzi. I dunno. I don't know my guns.
All were packaged in nice little gun boxes maybe simulating gun racks.
I forget exactly but they were small replicas of firearms.

Both the Mister and I were taken aback by these images of BBQ lighters- replicas of guns that kill.

All the stuff going on in this world of ours today and Canadian Tire feels this is the right product to place on a shelf near the checkouts.
Tiny guns?
I think not and hey, while I am at it, toys guns on toy shelves are wrong too.

So, enjoy your weekend.
Have a peek at Canadian Tire.
Buy an ornament for yourself or a "gun lighter" for the hunter in your family.
Then, remember to re-set your clocks.

Yeah!
More darkness in this dreary November.