Friday, May 5, 2017


For the Merry Month of May it's just another Conversation/Talk with The “Big Guy” upstairs.
Me: So your High Holiness, howzit now?

HIM: Just fine Rob and I love that reference to Letterkenny. I really love that show!

Me: Me too!

HIM: Yes, I love a good laugh as well as the next believer. So Rob, let me say- good for you for kicking that caffeine habit.

Me: Wait! What? Thanks...You know about that?
HIM: Rob, Rob, Rob. I know all and see all and cause most things on earth to happen- except for Trump being the leader of the "Americans" and the re-making of Margaret Attwood’s novel "The Handmaid’s Tale". Not my doing!

Me: Oh…yes. But…
HIM: Now those are both scary scenarios but as for your over the top intake of caffeine- not so bad in the long run but still-good for you.
Me: Ummm. Okay…

HIM:So how are you my friend. I mean I know how you are but for the sake of this conversation- how the hell are you?
Me: Fine. Just fine. How’s your son?

HIM: Oh, like most young men, he's over the top and obnoxious and still into this "prostrate yourself before me and worship me thing". That is so 1st Century.
Me: and your wife?
HIM: Mary or Mable?

Me: What now? ~pause~ Oh gee, both I guess.
HIM: Mary is pretty busy as usual with the Mother of God thing for the Catholics. Kind of a misnomer as she wasn’t my Mother. I mean I impregnated her from afar for Christ’s sake!

Me:  A little heavy on the cursing God wouldn't you say?

HIM: What cursing? I mean I got her pregnant for Christ’s sake. You know, for the sake of my son, so he could take a trip to earth and do a walk-about for a few years and that’s where it ends. Those last three years we not my doing by the way. It was all on his shoulders. Kids, eh? They try to be cool and have the glory of being the "Leader of the Pack" by getting a bunch of people to follow them. Did you know my Son was the original Twitter star?
Me: No. I did not.

HIM: Think about it.

Me: Cripes! 'Follow"!!
HIM: Rob. Language!

Me: Sorry. I mean Holy Smoke! And Mabel?
HIM: Mabel? Oh Mable. Yes, she’s good. She keeps a low profile. She’s on another planet right now. A week away with the girls- Mary Magdalene and Ruth.

Me: Oh...

HIM: Now Robbie, I want to put this on the agenda today. A lot of people were mean to you in 2016. Did some stuff behind your back- right?

Me: Well, yes in a manner of speaking.
HIM: Come now. I saw you. I heard you.

Me: You did?
HIM: Of course. I heard all your thoughts. Look Rob, you know I’m the Big Cheese right? The Trinity.
Know all. See all. Hear all- except the stuff your friend Geraldine knows before Me.

Me: She really has a network doesn’t she?
HIM: I suppose she does…

Me: but again how did...

HIM: I saw it all. You were disappointed. You needed that success but you seem to think you failed. I am telling you, you did not. You were a huge success. Just ask anyone who was there. They will tell you. What you did with what little you had was so amazing! Don’t worry Robbie-Boy. You are better than all of them. Move ahead and do your own thing. 2017 will be- and is, a banner year for you.
Me: Oh good.

HIM: So, how’s your move coming?

Me: You know about that God? Wow!
HIM: I am omnipresent my friend and who do you think put the idea to "go west" into your head to begin with- Priscilla Queen of the Desert? That Island is paradise on earth and I visit it often…in disguise of course.

Me: You do? You spend time on the Island?
HIM: Sure. Mount Sicker and Mount Prevost for sure. What a view of the ocean that I made.  I know it’ll be a good thing. You will LOVE it there. I do.

Me: Can’t argue with you there.
HIM: Rob, you can’t argue with me anywhere. I am the top. I answer to no one.

Me: Gee, I wish I could meet you face to face but alas I guess it’s impossible to meet with you in person.
HIM: I am sorry. It is. There are those that tried- like Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder and we know what happened to them.
Me: They went blind?

HIM: What? For Goodness sake- No! I turned them down. It would be fun to sit across from you and have a Latte. I wish we could. Sorry again. I truly am sorry.

Me: Just not possible- ever?
HIM: Remember what Charles Dickens wrote in an Xmas Carol? The Ghost of Christmas Present says- "Know me better Man! You've never seen the likes of me before!" Well if you did see me face to face…you’d melt.

Me: Yikes!!
HIM: But I am working on a way. It’s a pet project. Rome wasn’t built in day you know. Maybe one day you can hold a press conference and I’ll be the surprize guest and materialize right next to you. That’d be something…eh?

Me: It would Knock a lot of folks on their ass to be certain.
HIM: Look Rob. I’ll think about that real hard and maybe sooner than you think my project will be ready to go and I’ll appear before the media with you by my side.

Me: Wouldn’t you prefer the Pope. I mean he is your rep on Earth?
HIM: Well Rob, who the fuck told him that? I never did. Did you?

Me: ~grimace~ Of course not.
HIM: All poppycock and trappings and pomp and circumstance. Poop and a lot of false circumstance I say. Look I am here to look over you all, not mess with you all. I can’t really help you. You all have to help yourself.

Me: Oh.
HIM: But take Santa Claus for instance. Now there is a fellah that can help! I mean he travels the globe in one night. Fiddlesticks me…even I can’t do that Rob.
~grimace again~
I am sorry for the cussing there but sometimes I just get so darn riled up. At times I even create huge waves on the oceans just to dilute my anger. Why on Caprion last month I made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Me: Caprion? 40 days and nights. Hasn’t that been done before?

HIM: Only in a fairy tale Rob.
Me: Oh right.

HIM: Rob, you don’t know the planet Caprion do you.
Me: No.

Him: Ah, but you will…and soon
Me: Good to know.
Him: Oh Heavens, look at the time. I got to fly.
Me: You mean "run" Sir- don't you?
HIM: No Rob, I mean fly. Why on earth would I have made "ME" if I couldn't fly?
Me: You made you?
HIM: You'd never begin to understand my Lad. See you! ~swoosh~
Me: See you next time Oh Holy One!!