Wednesday, May 13, 2015


Today an interview that was very difficult to get. Herself doesn't give many.
Herself? Why Sister Mary Margaret of the Church of Little Hope.

Me: Welcome Sister Mary Margaret and Thank You for agreeing to this interview.

Sister Mary Margaret: Well, it doesn't appear you're a George Strombolopolous or anything.

Me: Not quite.

SMM: But I'll give you a go. You've got a nice smile unless you just let a phart.

Me: Thank You and No, I didn't. That accent of yours. What am I hearing?

SMM: An accent as you said. It's a wee bit Irish and a wee bit Newfie and a bunch of whatever is floating around in my mind at the time. It's always in a state of flux- which is not too far from Ottawa to be sure.

Me: How long have you been a Nun if you don't mind me asking?

SMM: Not t'all. 44 years. Isn't that a hoot? It's a fecken long time 44 years. Countries and politicians have risen and fell in far less time. Look at Mike Duffy and believe me, there's a lot to look at- if you dare.

Me: Yes...well. 44 years is indeed a long time. Now this stage thing is relatively new for you, isn't it?

SMM: Jesus Mary and Josephine it is! One day you're a plain, simple Nun and the next you have the public clamouring for you. It's very strange. A lot like the Mormons!

Me: How did it happen?

SMM: I was helping a friend at a wee show a summer ago. I met the audience and chatted to them. Told them where they could go pee and such and they fell in love with me on the spot. Before I knew it, I had some lovely people who run bus tours and the like, ask me to do a one-Nun show. I deflected- probably should have genuflected at the time, saying no, I could never do that. Then a nice youngish-looking man- could be the fellah sitting right there across from me here, wrote a wonderful, funny show just for me- and here I am...and by the way, thank you again. You're just a lovely, lovely person.

Me: I'm blushing.

SMM: Well you should be. It's a funny script and I can hardly wait to perform it for the folks.

Me: Now you have some special friends helping you along in this show- called All for Nun.

SMM: Isn't that a lovely, lovely title. All fer Nun. It kinda has a double meaning there. At least it's not called All fer Naught. ~laughs~ Anyway, I do have some help on stage. My Sisters are going to be there with me.

Me: You mean Sisters in the Church.

SMM: Yes! Sister Murray Anne, Sister Neutrogena and Sister Benny Francis. A very talented trio. ~pause~ Oh...then there's that Father O'Mally. I can't figure out why anyone would want him in a show.

Me: No? Why not?

SMM: Well for one ting he can't sing. For two tings- he can't dance and for three tings he's not even good at confession let alone singing and dancing.

Me: Sister Mary Margaret, I should think all Priests are good at confession.

SMM: Christmas Crackers! Not Father O'Mally. He can't keep a secret which is what the whole bloody confession thing is about in the first place. He does have one redeeming quality however.

Me: What's that?

SMM: He makes a decent cup 'o tea!

Me: So in this show All Fer Nun...I mean All for Nun, there's singing and dancing?

SMM: Yes, all of what you just said and joke tellin' and silly stuff too. There's even a lovely, lovely quiz show that the audience can take part in and win some lovely, lovely prizes.

Me: That sounds like fun!

SMM: It will be. There may be some surprizes too. Look, ever since I said yes to this show, Thelma Kravitz- she's the Office manager slash Receptionist at our Church of Little Hope, Thelma wants to sing a song.

Me: Really, that sounds okay to me.

SMM: It sounds like sheit, that's what it sounds like. She can't sing a note. She sounds like steel wheels on a railway track. Shreiking and catawallerin'. It's embarrassing.

Me: What do you plan to do?

SMM: We're going to ask her to clean the confessionals to keep her out of the way while the show is going on.

Me: Now the show.

SMM: Yes, it all takes place in the supposed basement of our Church of Little Hope. It's a reasonable facsimile of course. It's really on stage at the OCC. That's what theatre is- all make believe. Kind of like Scientology- but you didn't hear that from me now.

Me: I must say it all sounds like a super fun time. It should be a great, successful show.

SMM: If it bombs we have one solace.

Me: What's that?

SMM: It'll all be your fault!

Me: Yes, well...~ahem~ thanks for this Sister Mary Margaret and we'll see you on the stage.

SMM: That you will. There's one leaving in 15 minutes! ~laugh~. I've always wanted to say that!

All for Nun- A Stage Xtravaganza runs at the OCC in Orillia, Ontario July 14-31, 2015
Tickets through the ONLINE Box Office 
or 705.242.8011