Dear Reader,
I blame what you are about to read on a normal childhood. If I had of had a super normal childhood, you would probably be reading a nice little story about a beaver who built his house in a nice little pond and had many other nice beavers over for afternoon tea. Alas, this is not to be...
Princess Redcinderwhite
lived in a picturesque little shanty town in the shadow of Toenail Mountain. People
said she was a pretty young thing with flowing blonde hair, fair skin and buck
teeth. Ed- as the townsfolk called her, had a huge pair of buhzonkas that
stretched her white, cotton, tee shirt to its limit.
Most days
Princess Ed would take a stroll to sit beneath her favourite tree at the base
of Toenail Mountain. Most of those days as she passed by the local Tim Hortons-
which the local Prince and his Cronies frequented, she would hear him call out to
her-
“Hey
Redcinderwhite...what fine, big boobies you have there. I’d like to get me a
mouthful of both of them!”
Most days Ed
would let the Prince’s comment go in one ear and out the other but on one
particularly sunny day, she happened to be walking along the street with the
local Priest-
Father
Loveme Demalter Bois.
Father Demalter
Bois was a Brazilian Priest who kept his figure lean and mean beneath his
cassock by walking up and down Toenail Mountain. The exercise had paid off. Father
Demalter Bois looked good!
No really.
He looked
really good.
You know.
Gay good!
As Ed and
the Father strolled by Tim Horton’s, the Prince and his flunkies began to call
out to her- as was usually the case, saying stuff like-
“Hey Ed,
what fine, big, beautiful, jiggly boobies you have. How about a gander at them!”
Or-
“Gee I’d
like to bury something big and stiff between ‘em!”
Ed was embarrassed
at these crude comments, seeing that Father Demalter Bois was walking along
beside her. She stopped in her tracks and walked towards the Prince leaving
Father Love Demalter Bois standing alone on the sidewalk right in front of the
Tim’s. She strode
right up to the Prince and kicked him squarely in the nuts.The Prince
dropped to the ground and rolled in what seemed to be tear-producing, uncomfortable
pain.
“Fuck!”-
he yelled!!
“Whaddah ya hafta go and do that for you crazy
piece of big booby turd?”
Ed looked
back at a rather embarrassed yet lean and mean Father Bois for just a second,
then turned and cracked the Prince a good one in his nutsack once more. Good
think she was wearing her pointy Princess Shoes. It was sure to extract more
pain to the Princes ballsack than any pair of open toed sandals would have.
“Oh Gawd.
That hurts!” cried the Prince in certain agony as he rolled back and forth on
the ground outside Tim’s. “That really, really hurts you know Ed. Fuck You!”
“Well Fuck
You too Prince! From now on maybe you’ll think twice before you make a comment about
my beautiful, big boobies!”
The Prince-
still rolling on the ground in terrific nutpain, managed to look up at the
Princess Redcinderwhite and said-
“Too
fucking right!”
Ed smiled
a warm, comely, buck-toothed smile and turning back to Father Loveme Demalter
Bois, grabbed his arm and continued the stroll towards Toenail Mountain their
original destination.
The End.
