Wednesday, August 26, 2015

ROBBLOG #585

Below is an abridged interview written by Billy Cox from Best Buddy magazine where Billy talks to a 17 year old male. The interview appears in the September Issue.
 
Today I am in conversation with Homosexual Ontario Teen Dick Ryan. Mr. Ryan is just like any other Gay teen you might come across in a beachside change room on a hot summer afternoon or in a dark, well-treed neighbourhood park late in the evening. Dick suffers- in part, from blue balls and regularly seeks relief from other Male Gay teens just like him.
 
However, this is where Dick’s similarity and normality ends when you compare Dick to any other average 17 year old Male Homosexual. This Dick in front of me finds himself increasingly drawn to anyone from the conservative, religious, political right.
 
“I can’t explain it.”- says Dick, “Sometimes I pass by a church with a huge cross on the lawn or see a newspaper story about a local guy who’s supposed to be flaming and I just go nuts. Once there was a colour photo of this born again guy on page ten of the newspaper. The rumours said he was Gay and closeted and right-wing religious. I thought it was too good to be true all in one package but it still made me bust a nut. At times like that, I don’t feel like I can control my urges.”
 
Dick says he wants to be just like everyone else but admits he finds himself more and more drawn to any conservative church’s religious pamphlet and Gay guys who go to church and vote for the right.
 
“I have newspaper clippings of a certain right wing politician stuffed under my mattress. I know that ain’t normal but it’s just these eruptive urges I feel. Sometimes, I even draw crosses on photographs of right-wingers with a black Sharpie I’ve doused in Holy Water from St. Anne of the Apostles church. How hot is that?” –says Dick while repeatedly pulling at the crotch of his faded denims.
 
 
“It used to be I could control my urges and I’d talk about it to the guys I’d see sitting around partially naked at the change house down at the park. They’d call me fairyboy and stuff and we’d even horse around a bit but even that couldn’t take my mind off the possibility of knowing a devout, right-wing Fundamentalist.”
 
When questioned about their son’s sexual/religious leanings Mr. and Mrs. Ryan would only say they’d like to have a normal, homosexual, teenage son who does normal Gay Teen things like blowing Uncle Bo when he takes a bubble bath in the old cast iron tub up in the hot attic bathroom.
 
“We just want him to do normal Fag stuff like that! We don’t know where he got the idea of blowing his semen all over the place while thinking about the Christian Right or politicians- if that indeed is what he does. His Father and I believe that to be so.”- says Mrs. Ryan.
 
Dick says that maybe he’ll grow out of it one day and have proper wet dreams about Hugh Jackman or Stephen Harper like the other normal butt pokers he knows.
 
I wish you the best Dick!
 
 

No comments:

Post a Comment