Friday, March 30, 2012

ROBBLOG #396

So what do you think? 

Should I change?
Should I become a much kinder, gentler me?

Talking to friends the other day over a martini or two, I was wondering if writing these blogs of mine was simply a form of bullying- especially when it’s religion-related.

I mean the religious fanatics and light-weights can’t help themselves it would seem.
They cling to Jesus for their salvation.
They worry more about their impending death than enjoying every minute, day-to-day on this earth of ours. 

Just step back a couple of blogs and read the blog on the JW’s. By JW, I refer to those Jehovah Witnesses that cross our doorsteps from time to time. I am sure on a one to one and away from their need to capture us and enrapture us for their ultimate glorification in Heaven, that they are a swell bunch of people who shop at Wal*Mart and enjoy a sunny day like the rest of us. Read the response from one Member of the Kingdom Hall and how it appears they feel they have the right to bother us on a regular basis- apparently not trying to grab our soul for Jesus at all but merely stopping by our doorsteps to see if we are doing okay.

How nice! 

Why haven’t agnostics and atheists and used car salesmen adopted the same tactics?
It doesn’t cost a thing to bang on someone’s door, inconveniencing the homeowner as they stand at the kitchen sink peeling carrots in their underwear.
What?
You mean you have never peeled carrots in your underwear?
My Dears- as Dame Clare would say, you have not lived!

In answer to the question- are we doing Okay- we are doing just fine thank you.
However, even when our JW friends are told- in no uncertain terms, to “piss off”, they still feel the need to return in six months or so, just in case we have changed our mind.
Hence, the mad, merry-go-round of consistently knocking on doors and ringing our bells. 

Now, I hope that wasn’t over the top. What I just said. I hope nobody felt bullied simply because I made a comment based on religious predication. I don’t mean to imply that they should get a life. No, if I were to imply that, I would have to add most members of the Conservative Party of Canada, rednecks (pretty much the same as Conservatives), skateboarders, irresponsible pet owners and those companies that film irritating Tampax commercials.

 So let me just say, you won’t hear me dissing religion anymore.
What?
Over those martinis that I mentioned earlier on in this blog, I was reminded by a friend that there are a lot of crazies...ummmm, I mean people like you and me, who would happily look me up and throw eggs on my front door.
Oh. Wait!
That’s happened to me already.

My friend had a point and it was simply this. The world is small these days. I had already said that people read this blog in many countries around the world. What if I said something that a person of faith took exception to and wanted to teach me a lesson.
You know. Like people who live in Mississippi do.People who teach other people invaluable lessons by hanging them on meat hooks down in a dark shed at the bottom of the garden, next to the 57 Chevy rusting in a heap and beside the selection of old living room sofas soaking up both southern sunshine and rain. 

My friend was simply saying- what if?
It got me to thinking.
Firstly, I was thinking-  why is a person of some faith reading a blog of mine.
I am sure that is against some rule or regulation.
The Catholics don’t send me comments.
Maybe the odd RC does.
That’s a recovering Catholic. 

Then, we got to talking about those who get distanced by some of us simply because of the God and Religion thing. They wonder why there’s this distance and for some reason fail to realize that Jesus and God have stepped up their game and everything else is secondary.
On a lower plateau.
They make that decision and they cling to people of like-mindedness.
They have their biblical studies and church and pot lucks and whatever else they do in the name of Jesus but many of us want to be left alone simply because neither Jesus, God, The Virgin Mary and a plethora of other characters have no place in our lives.
They do all this- shoving others away with their religious tripe, yet can’t understand why.
They’ve been blinded by the white light in their eyes!
Salvation is their only goal! 

Oh Dear. I’ve done it again.
I am doing the bullying thing.
I will make a concerted effort to stop. 

I must leave you now.
I have a couple of episodes of “Good Christian Bitches” to watch.
What have I learned from this television series I hear you ask? I have learned bitches and regular everyday people hide behind the guise…. 

Never mind.
I am seeing the light. 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

ROBBLOG #395


“Canadians will soon be able to judge who will be the most effective voice for the roughly 60 per cent of voters who do not embrace the Conservative agenda.”

This the result of Thomas Mulcair wining the NDP leadership. Mulcair will get to work right away, squaring off against the Harperites and their “King” in Parliament this week. I don’t know how I missed it but apparently Mr. Mulcair was a Liberal up until five short years ago when he broke ranks and moved to the NDP. That must have been during the period prior to Mr. Ignatief and Mr. Rae-
who did the opposite of Mr. Mulcair and left the NDP to join the Liberals.

Now, it’s the perfect opportunity to stop wasting time and get this Country of of out of the hands of the Conservatives before there is little left of the Canada we know and love.

Case in point- Peter MacKay and his helicopter rides and his new jets.
Then there's that “bitch”- and I mean that with a smile on my face and Christian Love in my heart, Lisa Rait who’s main course of  action is to break down unions in this country.
A Conservative ploy. 
One that will change this country for a long time if it's not stopped. Even the courts have to follow the letter of the law and order wildcat strikers from Air Canada back to work.
When one's rights are removed, one has to do the right thing and that is exactly what the workers at Air Canada tried to do this past week. They succeeded in a small way. Yes, some air travellers were pissed off and that is too bad if family events were missed but maybe Air Canada will take a closer
look at the inconsistencies in their operation.
The unfairness.
The ugly mood of employees.
If the company fails, blame it on the upper management- not on the front line workers.
Enough of that.

On to the 60% of Canadians who didn't vote for the Conservative Majority.
Have you forgotten that?
60% of us from coast to coast didn't vote for the Cons- the former Reform Alliance folks.
Mr. Mulcair needs to work fast to impress and bring more Liberals over to the NDP. In fact Mr. Mulcair needs to invite Bob Rae for tea. They've both been Liberals and they have both been NDPers, so how hard can it be for them to bring those parties together as the New Liberal Democats?
Kick out the Harper Klan and give us back our land and values- Liberal and Free not Conservative, right wing and cold.

A few years down the road if the merger doesn't feel right for some Liberals, they can seperate. I'm sure it's not the first time parties have changed and split and become something else or their former selves. I already mentioned the Tories were once Reformers and Alliance-based. They didn't have a problem eventually wrapping themselves in the "Conservative Flag and Tory Blue" did they?
I don't know much about Mr. Mulcair but I am reading and learning and look forward to meeting him- maybe at Toronto Pride Celebrations in July.

There are over two years to move things along but why waste time?
Do it now. Maybe there'll be a reason soon to dispose of the Harperites before their legislated time on this earth is through.

Maybe someone will discover absolute proof that God doesn't exist. Like we need proof to disprove a 200 year old fairy tale.
That would take the wind out of any "right-winger's" sail.
Maybe we can even remove that "God" reference from our National Anthem.
"God Keep our Land..."
Who's God?
The God who says it's fine to beat up one's "woman" just a bit but not to excess?

The Cons will slip up.
They'll do something terrible.
They'll say something nasty.
They will make a mistake and then the New Liberal Democrats will be there to say to the Canadian people-
"We're here. We'll save our Country. Don't worry fellow Canadians!"

I don't think this is a dream.
I think this is something that will come together sooner than we all think.
If not, we had better start praying to somebody- or something.

Come on Mr. Mulcair.
It's all up to you now.
Listen to Jack Layton's voice.
He's probably whispering into your ear this very moment.

Friday, March 23, 2012

ROBBLOG #394



Geeze. 

Heather and I do such a great “live” show every Thursday Night at 7PM EDT.
Shameless Self Promotion.
Got to Love it!
We call it The Morning Show at Night and we even offer an “Encore” presentation Friday Night at 9PM EDT. 

We do it “live” from the Swisssh Radio Studios high above the skyline of Downtown Orillia. Hard to believe that Swisssh Radio- and I know I say it many times but I am proud of the fact, has been on air for 5 years now.
Heather and I have a great time.
We work well together.
We play music. Different kinds of music.
We talk about “local” stuff.
We bring in “Live” guests or have a conversation over the phone with a guest. 

The Morning Show at Night was born out of terrestrial radio. Heather was the “Queen” of morning radio in the Orillia area during the EZ Rock, Lite FM and JACK FM years. Even though the “brand” name changed, we did the broadcasts from the same, small studio in an industrial park area of Orillia.
Stupid place for a radio station that broadcasts to people. 

Anyway, I would slide in behind the mic on the morning show- with Heather on the other side of the glass, for a few weeks every year when her full time “on air” partner was away or on vacation. We always seemed to click- even though I hated getting up to do morning radio. Heather didn’t like getting up in the morning either but she coped better than I did. After the show, I was always in a buzz for the rest of the day and I would even have to have a small nap in the afternoon to make it through the day.  

These days both Heather and I are not employed by Terrestrial Radio. I got pissed off about 5 years ago when employed by The New CHAY. I simply came home one day and told Tom- “That’s it I am through with radio!”
Heather kind of got dumped by Larche when they bought the Orillia station and moved their Country Format to Orillia and the Pop/Rock format to their Midland station. 

So here we are today. Two hours a week “live” isn’t much but it’s a start. As a matter of fact these days it’s the only “live” hours on Swisssh Radio. Other programmes on air are recorded for presentation at another time. To tell you the truth our audience numbers are not through the roof but as I always say- it beats opening the window and yelling out to a passerby on the street below. 

If we had a huge budget we could advertise like crazy so people would know we are still here doing something we really love. Right now we do it all for free. We have no specific sponsors and Swisssh Radio is truly non-profit- not that we want it that way.

Living in Orillia it’s a tough go to convince people to advertise with you. Net Radio- not just in Orillia but in all of Canada, just isn’t as huge as it in in Europe. As a matter of fact during many day parts there are more listeners from the United States than from Canada. 

Case in point, again this week I told someone how to listen to Swisssh Radio- or Starlite for that matter. In this day and age it should be second nature. After all I’ve heard for years now that Internet Radio is the wave of the future- maybe not in Canada. 

Look, we all have cell phones or tabs or pads. It’s very easy to listen to Internet Stations like Swisssh. Just go to www.swisssh.ca and all will be revealed. Just read it. Swisssh Radio even plays when the site loads. How easy is that? I wonder why there is such hesitancy. Now, I am hearing that internet radio will take off once Net Radio is available in vehicles.
Really?
I am not holding my breath.
I would love to have Swisssh Radio hit the heights but I don’t know if it ever will.
I do have ideas. 

A storefront location in Downtown Orillia is a dream I covet. I’d have “live” broadcasts throughout the day. It would be an open studio set up on a raised platform. The rest of the room would be peppered with chairs and tables for people to drop in and listen and see what is going on. The coffee pot would always be on and we’d invite listeners- audience members, to bring in their lunch or afternoon snacks and enjoy the shows.
I think it would work.
I would sure like to try it.
I don’t have the funds to bring that dream to life but here’s the scary part- if I don’t move on that dream soon I’ll just simply be too old.
Time stops for no man- apparently. 

Suddenly, I am wondering why am I writing this? Gee, I guess it’s because I want more listeners. I would like Swisssh Radio to be successful both with listener numbers as well as financially. 
Am I going to close Swisssh Radio down?
Maybe at some point just not right now.
After all I started another station- Starlite, just a few months ago so I guess I still have the interest and love of broadcasting.

Heather and I will continue for now doing two hours of “live” radio a week with guests such as Steve Clarke and Laurie Herd and Tyler Knight and Steve Caston and Scott Hurst and all the others who have guested with us.
We’ll try to be local and do what we love. 

Swisssh Radio will just keep ambling along and hope for more listeners and maybe some new advertisers too. Somehow we just need to get the word out. Someone told me this week that they have trouble listening to terrestrial radio where they work because of all the steel and crap that goes into making a building. I explained that if one were to listen to Swisssh Radio there will be no hiss and drift because we are an Internet Station.
The next day Swisssh Radio was on all day long.
Tell your friends.
Swisssh Radio could become an Orillia phenomenon. 

Yeah!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

ROBBLOG #393


I wrote a Blog on “ass*****” last time and it was all I could do to NOT add these wonderful Wally-World-like greeters and purveyors of religious folklore to my Blog.

However, I thought it would just be a big slap in the face to Idiots and Assholes that I mentioned in that blog to be associated with this tribe!

So I present a separate blog on JW’s.
If you think they should be filed under “a”-  that is your choice.

JW’s- Jehovah’s Witnesses, are always topical- especially since they
are always banging on your front door just when you’re strolling around the house in your boxer shorts.
.
Yes folks, don’t we all just love opening the door and welcoming Human Beings of the Jehovah Witness faith into our day.
Bet you thought these bell ringers were Christians.
Nope.
You see although they exhibit some of the qualities of Baptists, let it be known that there is a difference. Baptists just drag neighbours and friends they know already into church. You know, those unsuspecting dufusses who only go to church to have coffee and cake in the basement after the service or attend church just because their Mother’s do. That’s where the similarities end.

JW’s don’t consider themselves Christians.
Lordy, I’ll bet the Christians are glad to hear that! It’s one less pimple on the holy ass of religion. Now if you’re a Christian don’t tell me you don’t feel the same way after hearing this fact.
You can hardly contain your glee- can you?
I digress here but you do also know that another faith that is out there working the streets- The Mormons or as I like to call them Blonde Boy, Dark Boy, believe that both Jesus and his dad live on separate planets in our Universe?
As mentioned- I digress…

The JW’s- if you read their website- All Along the Watchtower (Hmmm…sounds like an oldie but a goodie), don’t like to be bothered either. They like to be left alone with their God and their religion. So please don’t do what they do- going from door to door inviting people to belong to their cult so they will get their proper place in Heaven with Jesus,
Just do what they say- “Come. Join us!”
I hear what you’re saying- “What no Virgins?”
Sadly, No!
That’s yet another religion.
Now, where was I?

Oh yes.
So this particular brand of “door to door trolling” is on this earth to annoy the F*** out of the rest of us!
Case in point.
On Saturday I received two pamphlets from their local Orillia Church.
Something about the Easter Bunny being on his way!

Now to backtrack a little, whenever I see the JW’s coming to my door I say to them before they even place a righteous toe on my verandah step-
“Jehovah’s?”
They reply sheepishly and nod with a cautious smile- “…yes.”
I say- “You are not welcome on my property. I have told your Kingdom Hall that on many occasions. “

The last time I said this was about 2 weeks ago and yet here I find their literature in both my front door and back door mailbox.
There’s no escaping the JW!
So, I start to call the Kingdom Hall- on the phone.
There’s no e-mail address where I could call them what I really think of them!

Now, a warning.
One has to have patience when calling the Kingdom Hall.
The patience of Job, who apparently- according to the Old Testament, had just that-
patience and longevity.
Now whoever heard of an old person with patience is beyond me but that’s the Bible for you.

You see, I have already told you these “gospel geeks” hate it when people try to get in touch with them, however, sooner or later- usually later, someone answers and with a smile in my voice and a great deal of love in my heart, I ask to have someone pop by and gather up the circulars in my mailbox.
Last time it was suggested I stick the offending papers…
Wait for it!

in my recycle box.

I counter-suggest to do the right thing and have someone kindly drop by and retrieve the paper tablets reminding the person in the Kingdom at the other end of the line to remind their brethren and cistern that their holy canvassers are NOT welcome to tread on my property again.
It’s a lesson that needs refreshing every now and then.

I hear a heavy sigh in the voice- almost a nasty gruffness, yet in an hour or two, the annoying papers are gone.

I have even seen the JW’s making copious notes on their clipboard after I have told them to stay off my property. On one happy occasion, I heard the head JW mumble to the newbies with her as they passed by our back yard fence-
“This is the house where they are going to Hell!”
I mentioned that to the “Kingdomites” who answered the phone and he assured me that could not have possibly been what I heard, since JW’s don’t believe in Hell.
Oh sure, steal the guarantee-like assurance of being heaven-bound from Islam and now steal something from the Jews.
Listen just get your own quirks will you?
If Jesus were here he’d shoo them from the temple with a huge Canadian gun that doesn’t need to be registered and if he happened to shoot one of the buggers in the ass- it would be untraceable.
The gun I mean.

So, yesterday and the day before that I have been ringing the Orillia Kingdom Hall as often as I can. I’ll keep doing this until someone answers.

Their number if you want to do the same thing is: 705.326.0644
There is no answering machine.
They just don’t want to be bothered- remember?

So give them a call and ask them to come get their advertising.
It’s fun and educational too and because they are “this” close to God, they can’t even swear at you or- heaven forbid, call you an “asshole”.

Oh, Listen.
When they do answer, tell them you can’t talk long because you’re on your way to give blood and save someone’s life!

They’ll get a kick out of that!

UPDATE

It took almost three days of constant calling but finally a young man answered on my first attempt to call the Kingdom Hall today. I asked him to come retrieve the material from my mailbox. He took my address down. I told him to have a good day and he reciprocated.

The offensive material was gone in less than half an hour.

Now, if everyone would call and ask for such material to be removed and tell the JW’s
they are not welcome, they would have to dream up with other overt tactics- like flying hot air balloons over the city with their message of salvation emblazoned on the side.

If that were to happen what would we do?
Target practice anyone?

Monday, March 19, 2012

ROBBLOG # 392


Assholes are giving “idiots” a bad name.

C’mon people.
Being an idiot is a pretty high position to hold. Why try to better it by one? Remember a week ago that gentlemen who waltzed onto Lake Simcoe- after OPP warnings to stay off because the ice was unsafe- told a local paper- “Look, I’m not an idiot!” when we all knew he was. In fact he was the only living idiot who didn’t know he was one. He said that because he was vying for position of “top” idiot.
The race is on every March.
I didn’t hear about any of the other idiots vying for the honour, although I am sure at least one of them said-
“Hell, there’s at least 4 inches of ice out there!”

I know ice fishermen say this because my Dad was an ice fisherman and he said that all the time until one day he fell through the ice and had to be pulled to safety by a friend. He still said the same thing years later however.
He never learned his lesson.
So, it seems to be passed down to generations of ice fishermen.
As my Dad an “asshole”.
There are some that would answer yes to that question.

Look, when I head out on the ice in January after 4 weeks of sub-zero temps and I am but a hundred metres from the safety of shore, I still think about plummeting through the frozen surface to my death and becoming a tasty snack for the perch and the huge fish with razor sharp teeth that live in Lake Couchiching’s murky depths. Nobody will call me an idiot in that regard!

So what have we learned here?
Yes, some idiots turn into “assholes” and those are the same “assholes” that give idiots a bad name.

Take the College idiots (read: “assholes”)  who threw beer cans, trashed and set police cars ablaze and then threw a propane tank of top of the flames. The mayhem continued as they turned a CTV News Cruiser into a torch and then lit some trees on fire. This all happened during a drunken St. Paddy’s Party that was apparently out of hand at four in the afternoon. It just evolved into an all-out “asshole” fest by midnight and into the wee small hours of the morning.
Yes. Even to get to be an “asshole” one must evolve.
It’s a downward spiral of course but evolution all the same.

A riddle-
How many assholes does it take to be arrested after acting like a bunch of Syrians?

Answer?
Eleven.

Eleven “assholes” were arrested.
I say, throw the “assholes” in jail for 11 years. They’ll all be able to write life stories of being an “asshole” when they get out of prison and make a million “asshole” dollars!
I’ll bet those assholes’ assholes will be sore once “Bubba” and “Big Bruce” get a hold of them!
~ahem~.

There has to be an “asshole” of a lesson there.
I wonder if any of them can figure it out?

Naw. Only an idiot could!

Friday, March 16, 2012

ROBBLOG #391



“This is the last of the notables for today, Ma’am”- Michael placed the stack of linen papers on the desk and twirled on his heels before flitting towards the doorway. 

“Michael?”- the voice was strong- yet kind. 

Michael stopped short and twirled to face her- “Yes, Madam?” 

“Do you think it’s time?”- she looked at him over half glasses. 

“Time? For what?” He paused for a moment. “Oh Madam you don’t mean…?” 

“You’ve been here a long time and I value your judgement. Do you think I should return once again? Everyone thinks that I am dark and judgemental and all that. Maybe I need to appear differently this time.” She took off the glasses and set them on the desk in front of her, then folded her hands together like a grade three student. 

“Look. Ma’am. You are omnipresent. I get that but last time was an experiment gone wrong. It was early days for them down there. Perhaps you should have waited a while longer. On the other hand, look at Sicon. Everything is fine there. They got the message. They understood. It’s not big business there just ummmmm- just a fact of life.” Michael wasn’t sure if he had said it quite succinctly. 

“Point taken Michael. I just feel all alone sometimes. I feel like I made this big mistake and I don’t know how I can take it back.” 

Michael approached her desk- “May I?” He motioned to sit. 

“Of course. Please.” She poured herself a glass of artic water from the pitcher to her right. 

“What’s started all this again, Madam?” Michael’s voice was soft and caring. 

“Oh, I don’t know exactly.” She sighed. “I suppose it’s going through all these notables.

Some days I wonder why I bother. Nothing changes down there. They just keep digging themselves in deeper. They are mean to one another and I fear that the only message I had has been lost.” 

Michael’s wings vibrated ever so slightly- “…and that is?” 

“She thought for a moment and then looked at him with the warmest and sweetest of smiles- “Love!”. 

“Ah yes. Of course. Love.” Michael smiled too. His wings softly fluttered. 

“She saw it. “Michael, you don’t have to wear those things around the office you know.
There are so few of you that do these days but I must admit, they do look beautiful. It was a good thing I did there.” 

“I agree Madam. I appreciate my wings. I choose whether to show them- or not. They make me who I am.” 

“And just who is that Michael?”- she seemed to look straight through him for the answer. 

“Just a man. An immortal man who is fulfilled. Lucky. Enjoys what he does in your service.” Michael crossed his legs and folded his hands atop his right knee. 

“You have always been my favourite. Do you know that? It’s been an eternity that we’ve know each other- to be sure, however, I need you to know that. I value what you say and you in all likelihood have your finger on the pulse of this universe as much as I do.”
She stood and gazed out the window behind her desk. 

“But...” Michael could not move his eyes from her. She was stimulating. Lovely. Perfect. An image. “The” image.  Yes, she was troubled and he didn’t quite know how to help. 

“But…” She paused as she watched the city below. “But I need to do something more. Look at these notables.” She turned from the window and placed her tender right hand on top of the stack. “Everyday someone isn’t happy. Someone wants more. Someone makes a wish. Someone commits an unspeakable act. It just gets to me some days. It pains my heart and I don’t know what to do.” 

“Well, that’s a tall order Madam and I am not sure that I am worthy to even attempt an answer- a solution if you will.” Michael wanted to say more. He just wasn’t sure if this was the time. 

She turned again towards the window catching every little movement below from above. 

“I will say this Madam, I believe you have done what you can and what you offered and offer is good. You didn’t- pardon my language, “Muck it up”- they did! You gave them the tools and the love and they twisted and contorted it until little of you and the message was left. You sent them an idea in the form of something tangible that they could see and hear and they didn’t evolve. Quite frankly, if you were to ask me- and you are, I’d leave it for them to sort out. You have other concerns. Either they see the light or they snuff out their own existence. I believe it is out of your hands. It’s out of your control forever. Amen.” 

She stood there silently for a minute. Then, she turned to look at Michael who was admiring his outstretched fingers all the while thinking he needed a manicure. She could see he was starting to fidget in his chair. She could see that easily. She had lost his attention too- for now. It was all too much to understand, although Michael tried. He really tried. 

Smiling softly, she spoke to him again- “You’re right, of course, Michael. I gave them the nudge and they sub-divided it and made it seem like Hell. They are their own worst enemies. I showed them the trees and flowers, water and mountains. They constructed town and beautiful cities with greater things to see and beautiful sounds to hear. I offered them the capacity to love- the greatest gift of all, yet they stumble. Not all of them but some days it seems like none of them get the message.” 

Michael looked up from his fingers. “Yes, well you have a lot on your shoulders Madam.
Look, give me that stack of notables there…” He pointed to the linen sheets on her desktop. “I’ll have them sorted and actioned before you can say there’s the Eiffel Tower!” 

“Now that’s a pretty picture. You have a deal!”

Michael reached for the stack of notables. “Now, you have less to do, so put your mind on someplace and some” thing” else.  Mend a black hole or something. I’ll be right out there...” He pointed to his outer office. “…if you need me. How about a guava juice?” 

“Yes. Lovely… Michael?” 

He turned- “Yes Ma’am?” 

“Thank you. Just thank you- that’s all.” She smiled again and Michael could feel the power and the glory. His wings swisshed slightly and softly. 

“Anytime.” He smiled at her and nodded slightly. 

Michael sashayed to the door and closed it gently behind him as he stepped out and away from her presence.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

ROBBLOG #390

It was just stupid.

I didn’t like it when I wrote it.I didn’t even want to post it.But I did.
No, I am not talking about the column I wrote on Godly things. I mean the pieceof crap I tried to make funny and interesting that I posted yesterday. It happens sometimes. I just can’t think of anything good to write about some days. I have a couple of blogs in the can but I am saving them for another time.
So what new topic am I going to unfurl today?

How about this?You have all heard about the Rainbow Coalition that the Ontario Government is legislating schools to form. Now, this is not a problem for most schools.I’m not sure what Jewish schools are doing about this situation. I don’t think they’re in love with the whole Gay thing either. Maybe they’re just ignoring the existence of Gays. No. That’s the Mormons. Maybe the Jews are lying low-lying low- like the Presbyterians.Do the Presbyterians ever get in trouble?Nope.They just sit there in their Scottish Homages to God and do their own thing but it’s the Catholics who are being forced to conform.Probably because they are out there in the news. You know all the kiddy-diddling is really hard to ignore.Sorry. Unfortunate choice of words.Pardon mon anglaise.

The truth remains though, they are not happy.They don’t want to upset His Highess in VC.So after moving ahead with baby steps and trying to institute Rainbow Coalitions into their schools- calling them anything but Rainbow, one school board has sent out a mega page instructive on their Gay and Lesbian friendly group. However, one set of Gay parents noticed the small print. It was on page 22 way at the bottom.

It said:

 “The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.”

It’s from the Catholic Church’s catechism #2358.
Wow! There are that many catechisms?
Ouch!
So, now I know. Here I am thinking all these years I am just talented and pretty when in reality I am just “objectively disordered”.
Thank you Catholic Church.
Thanks for squeezing me into a tight box built for the objectively disordered.

Who writes this stuff?
A bunch of old, frumpy, men with gay-leaning tendencies with no sense of fashion but  hot to trot with every altar boy or school boy they see.
I hate connecting  these guys to the Gay world.
Gay men do not kiddie diddle!

I wonder why Priests don’t just “get it on” with one another. I suppose they do in the seminaries. It is the perfect place for a Gay man who doesn’t want to believe he’s Gay- to hide. That's the part about having deep-seated (read bum or ass here) desires. The misconception is the fact that all Gays and Lesbians are in deep turmoil about their sexual state and need to be pitied and hugged to a comforting breast- specifically Catholic, in this case.
Ewww!
I have a mental picture-
One Priestly hand would be on your ass- if you’re a male, the other would be stroking your hair.
Awwww.

I really need to ask Catholic friends about these catechisims and ask if they believe them at all. Why doesn’t the congregation rise up and poo poo the content.
No guts I guess and then there’s the fear of being sent to hell.
What a conundrum!
I wonder what it’s like to fear the prospect of being sent to hell for eternity.
What a waste of time. There are better things to worry about these days!
The Harper Government for one.

So I continue to feel and be objectively disoriented Dears.

I guess being an “object” of any kind is good.
Swissshy or non-swisshy.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

ROBBLOG #389



Last May there was a huge billboard at the Jake Gaudaur Bridge on the Atherley side.
It said- Judgement Day was coming May 21. 

It didn’t happen.
The Reverend responsible re-jigged the date for October.
Ummm. Sorry. Didn’t happen then either. 

Anyway, at that time I suggested in a blog to prepare for the end of days. With the “real” end of the world coming up in December of this year, I thought I would update my list before time runs out in December- for real this time! 

So, points from my Bucket List from last May is listed first. The update is in italics. 

- Open the cottage for the season- albeit a short one, a week early. 
Still don’t have a cottage but I am certainly looking to have a little oceanfront place in Honolulu although the December date is a little unrealistic! ~sigh~

- Sell those tickets to the Lion King to some unsuspecting heathen. 
Loved the Lion King. Now I’m worried about my War Horse tickets? 

- Make a new will that doesn’t include a bunch of greedy, no-good relatives. They’ll never get your stuff anyway. 
Done!!!!!! 

- Mail your Christmas Cards- early! I’m just mailing all the cards I got last Christmas back- just not to the same people who sent them and I’m doing the mailout in September. 

- If you’ve never robbed a bank, you might try it early one May morning before the end!
    What’s the worst that could happen- a few hours or minutes in prison? 
Still haven’t robbed from anything- except maybe from the fountain of youth! 

- Have Sex with your best friend. It’s not like it’s a long-term thing or anything. 
Haven’t followed through because I just don’t have a Best Friend. 

- Wondering where to go for that winter Holiday next year. Do you really care?
You should, because there may not be a lot of “earth” left! 

- Spend your life savings on something frivolous- like a slot machine at the Casino.
Done. All my savings are gone rather than invested! 

So, that’s how I made out with my Bucket list from last May in advance of the end of the world. Now that Reverend tells us this week he has no ^&^%$* idea as to when the world will end and quite frankly he’s *&^%*&^ tired of thinking about it.

So there.
Look, just-
Live your life.
Laugh a lot.
And Love because the end of your world may be sooner than any of us think!

Monday, March 12, 2012

ROBBLOG #388



Winter has just been an inconvenience this year. 

Like the Gay Priest shunned by the Anglican Church and then re-instated 20 years later all because of another priest- who was little more than a buffoon at the time, although a buffoon who’s since seen the light. Just an inconvenience? 

Freekin’ churches and God and all the other crap that goes along with it- including hurting the “lambs” of God the religious bound claim to protect and love. That destructive church dogma and doctrine and the religious claws that sink deep into their “followers” that ultimately only affect and destroy family, friends and relationships. Church and Christianity seeks to separate and for that at least it does a good job. 

God Damn God! 

You know what I mean? When are people going to wake up? I mean they are stoning kids in the east because they want to dress like the west. That’s religion? That’s a God who made man- supposedly, so he could watch man kill one another.

Wake up people.
There is no God.
There is a cult and if you feel something in your heart- some attachment to an almighty figure. Some love. Some closeness, it’s because you can’t find anything else worthy to latch on to in your day-to-day life. 

Set yourself free. Be good to one another. Do good deeds. Stop stoning your friends and family. Stop baking pies for church suppers. 

You believe going to church on Sunday makes you better?
Hah!

I can tell you a story right now of a Church Lady who clings to her Christian ways yet can’t see the light past the end of her nose. Sure she can bake pies, make dinner, smile and hug her family like the best of them but she’s as hollow as an old log lying beside a river. 

Bible study twice a week- even Bible Study for men only. I have seen that sign at a local
Prayer Palace. Why is it men only?
Do they drink beer and look at pictures of “boobies” while they study the book of Ruth? It’s called fellowship but there’s a price. You have to pay big bucks to be a church member or you’re not really in with the “in crowd”.

No really.

I don’t even think you can dream of your place in heaven unless you put up the bucks first. I thought Christ shooed all the moneylenders and such from his tabernacle. 

Of course, we all know that only men are the true Christians. Women are somewhere below that. Now take Atheism for instance. Everyone is equal. Doesn’t matter. Nobody prays to some all-encompassing creature who demands one falls to their knees in worship. There’s no Satan- although anti- atheists would have you believe that there is a dark lord. For goodness sake, even the Jews don’t believe in Hell. The JW’s apparently don’t either. The Mormons. My Gawd their too busy baptizing dead folks into their church- regardless of their religious orientation,  to think about anything else. No surprize there from a “church” that doesn’t believe in homosexuality. 

So, our winter has just inconvenienced us for a few weeks.
The sun will shine longer now.
We’ll see more light.  

Eventually, when churches and religions of all types slink away, the earth will start to change. We’ll love one another with a great resolve.
We’ll take care of neighbours and friends and family- without judgement.
There’ll be no separation.
We’ll live without fear and champion only love and compassion.

That day is within site when Angels will just be supernatural, beautiful “things” not chained to the bedpost of a Christian four-poster. 

Hey look- there’s a robin.
Got to love spring!