Blanche and Jane are on the back patio on a warm summer morning.
Blanche: My, what a beautiful day. It feels so good to fill one’s lungs with fresh air.
Jane: ~cough, cough~ Yah, don’t it? Fresh air. The opium of the masses. ~puff, puff~
Blanche: Why Jane. You’re an early bird today!
Jane: ~spat, cough~ I didn’t wanna be. Those *&**%$# birds kept me awake! ~puff~
Blanche: Well come here, sit down and have your coffee. Jane sits. My! Smell the petunias and the fresh cut grass. Mr. Johnson is at it already. Such a fastidious man when it comes to his yard.
Jane: Oh! ~puff~ you bin a looking over the fence at Mr. Johnson and his big muscles.
Blanche: Why? What? Huh? Pardon? No, of course not. Jane how could you even think…
Jane: Look Sister Dear ~puff, cough, spat, puff~ I knows you peek at young Mr. Johnson when he’s stripped to the waist mowin’ his lawn. I sees ya from mah bedroom window!
Blanche: Oh, Jane Dear. Don’t be ridiculous. You just think you see me peeking through the fence boards as I wheel around the yard in my chair. I would never…
Jane: Hah! She would never! ~puff~ Well, I sees what I sees and I sees you salivatin’ all over yuhself. Hah! Hah!
Blanche: Now Jane, you are just being terrible with me. Just terrible! Now have your coffee. It’s getting cold. I’m going to turn on the hose and water my delphiniums.
Jane: Yes Blanche. You do that. Water your delphiniums right against the fence where the crack in those fence boards is widest, affordin’ you a pleasant view of what Mr. Johnson has to offer…
Blanche turns on the hose and sprays Jane
Jane: Accch! Now whaddahya want tuh go and do that for. ~puff, puff~. My blouse is drippin’ wet and you got some hose water in my coffee and on my ciggies!
Blanche: I just wanted to cool you down Jane. Your mouth was flappin’ so fast, I was afraid the friction might catch you on fire Sister Dear.
Jane: ~puff, soggy puff~ Very funny Blanche. Very funny! ~puff, soggy drag, puff~
Blanche: Hah! Hah! Hah! Oh, one more thing Jane. That guy who writes all this dialogue for us…
Jane: You mean that “Old Mr. Reid” Blanche? ~puff, drag, soggy puff~
Blanche: Yes, Jane Dear. Old Mr. Reid. Well, he’s celebrating a birthday he’s ~whisper~
Jane: Holy Shit! He really is Old!!
Blanche: Yes, Sister Dear. He really is... ~smile! ~